The letter 'F'
is a fugly one
when used in a word
rhymes with duck
if it looks like a Donald
swims like a fish
and sounds like a quack
then I probably want no truck
however it's my all-time fave
in fabulous freedom and fun
tho' there are so many F-words
I'll leave it with you to come up with one

"There's only one kind of way out of here,"
said the burglar to the fool
"There's too much to clarify
you can't break the rule."
"No reason to get disconcerted",
the fool he softly spoke,
"There are many here among us
who feel that death
is but the punchline to a joke.
But you and me we both know that
and what will be will be
so let us not think different now
the time's a-flying free.
And time flies
on a one-way ticket
never to return
let's light the candle at both ends
while we have one to burn."

For Jimi Hendrix ~ with a nod to Bob Dylan

They are now but cash cows
(a trough in which to quaff)
for the many attendees
who sit on long-winded
Government-funded
investigation committees

no one around to hear the sound
(of whispers in the woods)
while their coffers swelled
for all the papers printed
on the ecology
several trees were felled

the fracking drilling boring too
(found underground)
wastes water in copious quantities
releases greenhouse gas
and undermines the earth
in the final analyses

deliberate discussion and debate
('til the cows come home)
to which they are compelled
only exacerbates the issue
of global warming
with their hot air expelled

They are now but cash cows
(a trough in which to quaff)
for the many attendees
who sit on long-winded
Government-funded
investigation committees

no one around to hear the sound
(of whispers in the woods)
while their coffers swelled
for all the papers printed
on the ecology
several trees were felled

the fracking drilling boring too
(found underground)
wastes water in copious quantities
releases greenhouse gas
and undermines the earth
in the final analyses

deliberate discussion and debate
('til the cows come home)
to which they are compelled
only exacerbates the issue
of global warming
with their hot air expelled

In Hawaii
where flip-flops they wear
shoes are left
right outside the door
an ancient custom
so I'm told
altho' I'm not quite sure
it's thoughtful
and considerate
by all who do
and what's more
(unless you're barefoot from the shore)
there's no need
to say
"e ʻoluʻolu e holoi i kou mau wāwae"
anymore

Translation: Please wipe your feet

Native Americans
call me 'Paleface'
'Roundeye'
say the Chinese race

to a Scot
I'm a 'Sassenach'
'Boyo' to those in Wales
altho' a 'Limey' in New York
I answer to none such hails

once a 'Gweilo'
in Hong Kong
Down Under
was a 'Pom'

you may give a dog a bad name
(and/or a bone)
he may even be your (best) 'Pal'
don't think me fuddy-duddy
for what's more I have my limits
and I'm not your (good) 'Buddy'

then a 'Rooinek'
'round Cape Town
'Farangi' was I
in Dubai

and tho' no English rose
was once a 'Bloke' when there
originally from Blighty
in some parts of the U.S.A.
I am now called 'Whitey'

'Haole'
in Hawaii that's me
and '******'
in Mexico

seems I'm all things to all men
altho' they know me not
whether saint or sinner
you may call me what you will
but just not late for dinner

Like the leopard
which not a spot can change
or zebra their stripes a-one
a mother's love
for her tiger cub
in winter snow
or summer sun
may never be undone

"Holey all over
seen better days
worn out and threadbare
can't mend its ways
not worth keeping
its time has come
that's one bad habit”
so said the nun

If I owned a circus
for you I'd play the clown
(do jugglers ever tire of throwing up?)
or if I had a rickshaw
I could run you round the town
and if I had a row boat
I would float you down the stream
as I have none of these
all I can do is dream

If the bottom line's fine
let me remind you
it'll come from behind you
if costs you cut
for in the end
it will rear up
and bite you in the ****

My dog has fleas
oh please don't scoff
I've done all I can
(collars, powders, sprays)
and it truly ticks me off

then, was interviewed
for a reservations job
with Scandinavian Airlines
(I had my reservations)
when asked by the top ****

"Can you name a great Dane?"
I remember it still
my reply was "Yes"
(blame Sir Conan Doyle)
thinking of the Baskervilles

and my dog still has fleas
the more she'll itch
the more she'll scratch
(altho' I often comb her fur)
she really is a silly *****

Arrived alive
departed dead
and the same
may be said
of all who tread
this weary world
of ours
less a milestone
more a speedbump
each Birthday
I perceive
and poetry
is but one way
to fill the waning hours
for me

You and me we could
take a slow boat to China
don't need an ocean liner
it's only a stone's throw
and nothing would be finer
than to see all the tea
in Shanghai flow
we'll run in the rain
or sit soaking up the sun
no strings attached
let's see if we're matched
and have us some fun
me and you too could
sail slowly down the Nile
smiling all the while
like a pair of crocodiles
and when we reach Cairo
wave and say "Hello"
to the old Pharaoh
we'll keep it casual
no putting on the Ritz
come be with me
then we'll see
if the shoe fits
and if the shoe fits
when all is said and done
yes it's true
I want to have fun
I want to have fun with you

Once upon a time
I set out to write a book
about going to north Africa
an expensive, soft, leather-bound book
and altho' I took more than one look
I could not find the words would fill a tome
and so tho' second-best I settled for less
and instead I wrote this pome

On those dreary days
when skies are grey
and all the clouds are black
hey that's me I'll be
running through the raindrops
in my torn and worn out mack

it may be gloomy yet
when the weather is wet
and the day is dark
that's me you'll see
splashing through the puddles
out there in the nearest park

I love a rainy day
a rainy day is fine
I gotta say
altho' I love a rainy day
in November I prefer
sunshine

"Go along to get along"
a wise man he once said
(altho' I don't concur)
but it occurred to me
neither follower nor leader be
if you want to get ahead

And if the herd you stroll behind
please do consider the view
(but not too closely)
yet what is worse
yes you may curse
that which you step into

Some believe the squeaky wheel
it should be removed
(not receive the grease)
as all's smooth-run
when replaced by a working one
or so it has been proved

To mindlessly open the mouth
thoughtless of going caput
(only to change feet)
it seems to me
an opportunity
to put a bullet in one's foot

The nail that sticks out
it should be applauded
(not hammered down)
as one may fall for anything
and those who stand for something
they should be rewarded

I'd rather see one good deed
putting things back on track
(actions speak louder)
than hear one more kind word
lip service it's absurd
a verbal pat on the back

Tho' possibly preaching to the choir
some say it's idle chatter
(*****-nilly silly patter)
let's not forget to forgive
or to live and let live
as
ALL lives matter

Not a lot of ocelots
are seen in the day
they prefer the evening
or the night
if an ocelot you want to spot
altho' it's quite a long shot
an ocelot you want to sight
you may even hit the jackpot
if you do it right
all you've really got to do
is switch off the light

Do you have a poetic licence
to park your poor purple prose
(alliteratively he wrote)
it even puts my feet to sleep
and gives me coma toes
(literally did he quote)

and have you paid your syn tax
to persist in pitiful poetry
(a non sequitur perhaps)
as dabbling in scribbling
is how it 'ppears to me
(no storied scripts mere scraps)

before the pen you pick up
or possibly parchment and quill
(pheasant not porcupine)
please procrastinate perchance to ponder
prior to putting out pig in a poke swill
(pearls of wisdom before swine)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

That's one small step
for a Rhode Island Red
one giant leap
for poultry.

Foggy went a courtin'
"Ribbit" he did sing
altho' singing weren't his thing
more like the punchline to a joke
"Please don't smoke or I might croak"
in the deep end of the pond
true love was his goal
and by the dawn help to spawn
a few more tadpole souls
hopped on to a water lily
where he espied a fine-looking froggy filly
and in her mouth a red red rose
but wait something's amiss
one quick kiss and he froze
just when he had it in the bag
oh what a shame ain't it silly
our frogly friend hit a snag
for she was a he dressed in drag

Some say
“The glass is half full”
with accent on the positive
some see
the glass half empty
and focus on the negative
two sides to every story
supposedly that implies
as for me I see
something else entirely
and for size I will apprise
but before I do
I beg of you
allow me one more swig
(cheers salud prost cin cin)

the glass is too **** big!

Hot coffee
black coffee
really has the means
(when I sup but half a cup)
to make me feel
quite full of beans
only one requirement tho'
no decaf if you please
(altho', born in Kenya
where the coffee grows)
why it's called
'a cup of Joe'
I'm sure I do not know
but
hot coffee
black coffee
is the best ammo
(when I do a mug or two)
to give me the
right get up and go

There are those in England
put 'something special' away
just for a rainy day
if only they
took the time it would allow
to look out the window anyhow
perhaps they would see
as cats and dogs
are coming down in buckets
that day is here and now

There's a lot to be said
for silence
but you won't hear it from me
I'm satisfied tongue-tied
as the less said the more I see
(YY U R, YY U B, I C U R, YY 4 me)
and even if the point is moot
'tis a wise owl
doesn't give a hoot

Uptown downtown running all around town

rush hour crush hour push and shove hour

sardines in a can traffic's in a jam

sweating getting ahead of the pack

no use being at the back of the track

hurry worry hustle bustle fuss'll get you nowhere

so don't even go there

feeling down at heel really down in the mouth

all your hopes wishes too

washed away they've all gone south

riptide tearing you apart at the seams

immersed in self-pity reservoir of self-esteem

at its melting point hurting your hopes

drowning your dreams

cross-current carried you far out of reach

wrecked on the rocks washed up on the beach

rain falls ******* some more than others

you've had more than your fair share

heed a storm warning find a safe haven

afloat on calm waters in a heart that cares
seems to me you need to be
swimming in a sea of tranquility

no need to stay adrift awash in a rivulet

of insoluble doubt
navigate your way to a new tributary

find shelter in a safe harbour

and like runoff ride it out

it's history [aft] it's long gone

water under the bridge

like the wake left behind 
it's astern move on

neither there nor here

it's water over the weir

“Yeeha”
if I were a cowboy
I'd stride the western range
(six-gun on my hip canteen from which to sip)
without you by my side
(along for the ride)
I'd feel mighty strange

“Ahoy”
or if I were a sailor
I'd sail the seven seas
(an ocean's-worth to the four corners of the earth)
and want you on board
(if you choose to cruise)
a'swashbuckling with me

“Contact”
if I were a pilot
I'd fly the friendly skies
(for crying out loud up there in the clouds)
I'd be close to heaven
(in the yonder wild blue)
with you I'd be high

“Lift off”
and if I were a spaceman
I may go far
(alone in my capsule with plenty of fuel)
but with you in my rocket
(and a docket in my pocket)
we'd reach the stars

childhood daydreams return now and then
when I would wonder again and again
about
when I grow up what will I be
butcher baker candlestick maker
or none of the above let's forget all three
it don't really matter if you're here with me
as
cowboys have sidekicks
and sailors a mate
every teacup a saucer
chalk stick a slate
even pilots have copilots
spacemen do too
(I must say believe you me)
you're just my cup of tea
and I could do with a brew

Once upon a time on the sands
she thought she found true love
then one day he went his way
what was she dreaming of

now she walks the shoreline alone
along the low water mark
searching for seashells on her own
from sunrise until dark

at the end of the tunnel
there's always a light
a ray of hope
in the darkest night
every black cloud
has a silver lining
it's in there somewhere
bright and shining

one day at the beach she met a man
later they were lovers
strange to say he moved away
left her for another

now she strolls the shoreline alone
all along the high tide mark
searching for seashells on her own
from sunup until dark

when love leaves home
what's there to do
surrender to sadness
and sing the blues
when love leaves home
what's to be done
live with the madness
'til the pain is gone