They always used to ask me
why i looked at things too deep
i never knew why
but i always did
i don't know why
maybe i had something
when i used to sit for hours in front of the mirror
i never just looked into my self
but the world behind me
the trees
the leaves
the cells
the humans
the sky
the water
oh! but darling!
you could not even see me

when i used to sit under a tree in the open
i never just looked at that tree
but the sky
the galaxies colliding
the stars shooting
the atoms charging
and that
BOOM BOOM
BLASH!
oh! but darling!
you could not even see me

when i used to sit in that café with you
i never just looked at you
but the whole city in your eyes
(in you)
your veins
your heart
your blood
your capillaries
i could ****** see blood flowing through your arteries
oh! but darling!
you could not even see me


i could feel
dead flowers and your voice
passing through me
i could feel
submarine passing through me
that ocean passing through me
oh! but darling!
you could not even see me


maybe i was an invisible,intangible ghost
so i decided to leave
so i drove off to my ocean  (i believe everybody has their own ocean)
i won't drown darling!
but float
now,
no flower no human no city remembers my name, me, you, or anything.

I remember her nails
bitten down to the quick
I remember how
each orchid bloomed
from her collarbones
and came up till her head
I remember her steel made hair
with current flowing through every strand
I remember her black witch nails
with which she pealed layers of her skin
till she could see her gold and silver bones
I remember how she pulled out her cornea
and got a crescent shaped stitch on her pupil
I Remember how she burnt herself in that cafe next door
and her ashes flew through the entire town
But,
no city
no building,
no orchid ,
no gold,
no town,
no ocean
  remembers her.

You own everything that happened to you.

Tell your stories.

if people wanted you to write warmer about them,

they should have behaved better.

There is a hole in my heart
you lived there
with the memories
the pictures
those letters
that little paradise of ours
we swore
not to leave
not to die
not to leave
not to die
but you left
but you did not die
but left
monsters took away my lungs
and you took away that little heart of mine
now, I'm dying
with those dead letters
with those dead flowers
no no no no
i will not die
i will take away my little heart from you
i will take away my lungs from them
i will not die
I'm not dying
the cynical me is back
there is no god no love
i will put life into those flowers
i will put life into those letters
never let you rule
never let anyone
no no no no
not again
i will not die
i will come back
and this time
i will let everyone feel
they way i felt
i will ****
like they did
i will play
like they did
i will do whatever they did to them
i will make them feel the pain
simply because
if we will keep on suffering
they will keep on playing
so i will let them feel the pain we felt
so that people like you will break
just like that heart
just like that glass
hoping you all will leave
and go
far far far far away
and die......

''the things i desire will destroy me in the end''
My kalopsia has led to my collapse
i don't think i have been awake, anyway
i, i always glorified you,
maybe in my dreams
maybe in my brain
i always did
i made you my forever
i tried to make me your forever
but
i Failed
miserably, shaking my hands
standing alone in that little corner
slowly, quietly, my anguish settled
but now again i want to drown into you
but now again you are holding a gun to my head
the knife logged into my throat
i shattered
i could see every fleck of me,
broken and shattered there
i start ice breathing
but again
tell me that you love me
LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE
like an open book, an open wound
i kept ripping all the pages, all the wounds
you make me alive
but your words are like
those shards of glass at my feet
From the awful confusion
of love notes carved into my skin
you have led me down
the light at the tunnel's end
there is not much
after i fall
i scream till i turned my heart into a black- blue acid
i broke my ten bones,again
i wished you left me earlier
you were the air that hitched in my throat
but you can't see anything now
My claustrophobic suicide
I had your name on my gravestone
you came, you sat, you kept the flowers
and went away.
****, you never came back
i know you never will