My heart bleeds
**** wine
while my back aches
with lust
And the hummingbirds
they feed
on leaves
that lack nutritional value.

My heart bleeds
**** wine
while my back aches
with lust
And the hummingbirds
they feed
on leaves
that lack nutritional value.

My eyes they ache
from the swole set upon them
through night.

Sleep was sleepless
awake through an unconscious
labyrinth of dark adventure.

The tears were bestowed
upon me.
For they were a symbol of my biggest fear.
Fear of a blasé attitude
of adventure
beyond the Alamo.

The salted water that flowed that night
was I
trying to walk away from the truth.
To pretend I did not hear.
But the river upon my cheek knew, it heard.


The tears they were hours of fear.
Screaming.
They knew.
Those tears held the future.
They held the knowing
that we too
will grow apart.

I drove to heaven today.

I drove into it. I waited patiently
five minutes the light lasted.

A one lane into heaven,
and one lane out.

Some people were alone in their cars.
Some were a whole family.

It seems only few were rejected.
Only few cars passed,
while I waited patiently for that tunnel light.

Single filed we drove and it grew dark with light
only evenly spaced out above us.

No one was biking into heaven today.
The light at the end of the tunnel
gradually became brighter, and more
beautiful.

It was a quiet and peaceful drive.
I knew where I was going.

I parked my car where I could find room.
Heaven seemed cramped.
There ought to have been a carpool/bus system.

I got out and strolled.
I had my flip flops and blazer on.
I was ready.
I walk towards the beach.
There is no fog.

The water is clearer than before.
It was beautiful out.
I just stared out into the distance.
there were surfers not surfing
very well.
but no one seemed to mind.
People were laughing and giggling
but there was no sound.
Only the sound the waves made in the distance.


I knew we were all going to be let in soon
The 'sun' was setting and
a storm seemed to block the way of the sun
as it grew slightly dimmer
and the faces grew darker
I decided I ought to leave.
Not because I did not want to go to Heaven
but I know nothing else
other than this life.

No one paid any attention to me.
And those who were rejected
their cars had left.

The parking lot empty.
I drove a different path and waited.
5 minutes for the light to turn again.

5 minutes to go into the tunnel
and back to earth.

Petite and frail,
clearly the maverick.

death filled the bar
and it's sweet breath
attached to my throat.
it permeated through my hair
and then I could taste
the stickiness
of decades.

rushing to the double doors.
crawling,
I was suffocating,
and the fog
it soothed me.

Some fear wine,
and some embrace it.
some mumble,
and yet others pace it

It is the first few freezing nights
that is when I miss you most

It is the first few fallen
dried dead leaves
that is when I miss you most

It is the blackberries, apples and yams.
that is when I miss  you most.

It is the foliage
it is the full moon.

It is the smell of warmth
flying up between each strand of hair

It is the nights where stillness
and sound
procreate


It is you,
who I miss the most.

Deep summer heat,
A leaf begins to ****
The green color
From its edges,
leaving a chapped
                    tip.
Moments pass
Slowly, the leaf is full
Of a winter colored crack
that splinters on the surface
Just enough
to reach the stem.
Cooler winds blow,
The leaf wanes
Until the last of its hydration
Has evaporated.
This tree’s feather
Floats haltingly down,

I recall a time only twice
separately seasoned
did this occur.

I awoke
to sleep again.
I was not tired.
Never had I been tired.

I waited all day for the darkness to come.
To greet me with its sweet
blackberry kiss.

After the day,
something we call life,
When I lay my head down I smiled knowing
tomorrow, it will come for me again.

That sweet,
sweet darkness could not come fast
enough.

This Fall however,
I will not await on
the relationship
that darkness and I
held for those few years.

This fall
I prey
on life.

My head aches,
So
I dream of a whisper.
even when it breaths
it screams.
I cannot get stillness.

Stillness comes,
yet only in a form of time
and the ticking
and tocking
they
too scream.

Tick.
Tock.
I wait
with ache
to succumb to slumber.

It never comes,
only the loudness of the night.
the elements
also they roar
as I patiently sob
into a dreamless sleep.

****, I love you.
I see you a lot in my dreams.
At least I am in hopes it is you.
How foolish, but it is not about how I,
Nor  anyone else felt.
****, I love you.
You were more than perfect.

You were beautiful and lovable in every way.
And tears form at my eyes with the thought of
you.

I hold you in my hand
as I drive,
whenever I drive you are with me.

****, I love you
It'll never be who you were but who you are

My olive colored doll
pains my soul.
with every twist and turn

black bandage covering mole.
left doll moving quicker
right doll strolls.

They've begun a bicker
more so a battle.
now everyone feels a bit sicker.

I prefer them simple like cattle,
And indeed they are strong
However, it's not that simple.

blasphemously wrong.
two halfs of a doll, faces a cracked
glue them now, make one real long.

The angels were sent down
upon my ached knees
instead of fixing them
they refused to set them free

With my only means of transportation
held against my will
I beg and pleaded.
However,
they deemed it a thrill.

What was I to do now,
With no bottom limbs?
Well, I cut the ends of roses
also known as stems.

I cut up stems, twigs and things.
I created  mechanical legs, joints and knees,
nothing those Angels have ever seen.

I grew impatient with these gay frolicking
humans with wings.
I ripped off a bark leg
and showed them two or three things.

As I hollered and yelled,
"WHY!?"
while tears ruin my eyes.
They all stopped to shriek out a cry

the angels looked left and right,
as if there had been a secret
but to late in the night.

"We're ever so sorry, you see
what we've just received
is that we indeed failed
to see that the address here
is of someone we need
of whom it looks has past."


And that was it, those
taunting angels
gone feeling sad.

Now, I have my stems.
Original knees
and I do not
feel the slightest mad.

I feel like everyone who walks past me looks
like someone who just walked towards me.

They all look
and feel the same.

I miss uniqueness
I miss randomness

I miss my spontaneity.
I miss the the different colored flowers
the different scents.

but around here
everyone feels the same.

Why?
I've no clue.

but the beige shorts and blown out hair
slowly drain my soul
of the youth
and playfulness it once held.

I will turn into you
as you are slowly turning into me.

but I will fight!

I will move forward in my journey of me.
And leave the always familiar faces

to the sea.

Coffee in veins early
time slows impatiently now
water and soul mate

Different kind of Wine.

I lie awake,
thinking if he is thinking of me.
I began to read,
yet all I saw,
were words scrambled,
into an image of him.
I lie here thinking of him,
sitting next to,
I think about our stolen glances,
blushed cheeks
and nervous eyes.
Although mere inches apart
we say nothing
but smile.
With that silence I wish to never leave,
with this silence I lie here,
thinking if he is thinking of me.