Renee S L

Renee S L Nov 2012

Deep summer heat,
A leaf begins to ****
The green color
From its edges,
leaving a chapped
tip.
Moments pass
Slowly, the leaf is full
Of a winter colored crack
that splinters on the surface
Just enough
to reach the stem.
Cooler winds blow,
The leaf wanes
Until the last of its hydration
Has evaporated.
This tree’s feather
Floats haltingly down,

Renee S L Apr 2011

The Red Doves.

The Red Doves,
They seem to fly near,
now.
They are more friendly.

Maybe,
They have even become my friends.
I can feel my shoulders,
when they are near.

Those sticks,
only hold my head,
now.
Bones, muscles and flesh.

When my tiny Red friends were not near
those winter months,
The Alamo window
seemed lonely.

Blank and deep stares.
Nothing.
Impassive stares.

Time seemed to not move then.
I don't notice it now.
Without them,
I do.

The Red Doves,
they make me feel
joyful maybe even youthful,
now.

I worry for the winter months,
they'll leave me like the rest,
they'll leave.

They'll leave
and those sticks
become rusted,
they'll hurt.

Salt roses bloom
at the thought.

I wish never
that The Red Doves
leave me.

Renee S L Apr 2011

Death by loneliness part II

It seems that this life
is filled with
hazel eyes
watered down.

Watered down so that
not even the sun
nor wind
could or would chap and dry them.

but we wish they could.

the elements,
they are all I've got now.

When the pain strikes
and it rips my lungs
I would hope the wind would heal me.

Help me breath.
fill my lungs with its breath.
take away all this pain.

Or maybe the sun.
dry the shiver
awaken my alma.
soak up all my pain.

For a moment,
pain seemed to subside.
but the swiftness came.
Comes rudely.

Rudely indeed.
Never calls ahead.
no courtesy for me.
Barges in abruptly.

Today it came
to take me back,
to a place.

A place
which lately,
unfortunately,
seems too familiar.

This place jabs
hard.

My heart,
it can't breathe.

Is that where I am choking?
my lungs or heart.
Where is the wind?

I am too young to not love this life.
I am too young to feel this.

I regurgitate my heart.
It's the only thing left to do.

Then where do I go?
This new place is all I know.

Renee S L Apr 2011

death by loneliness

And it creeps upon me
so quietly,
swiftly.

It pierces my lungs
and for a moment
I am dead.
but we all know it is forever.

So dead
that the feathers
and fur
decompose,
and I don't mind.

It's the swiftness
and
unsureness
that carries me to a place.

A place where my silent cries
are never heard
nor never mind,
thus never noticed.

In a land
not ridden with my kind.

I feel the world is not mine anymore.
Now,
I am a graphite dot
that seems to be lightened.
And slowly I fade,
as each day swipes at me
like the eraser in God's hands.

I have been patient.
However, it seems that
these hazel eyes
are unable to be much more patient.

I fear death
by loneliness.

I am too young to pass
And too young to not love all this life.

Renee S L Apr 2011

death by loneliness

And it creeps upon me
so quietly,
swiftly.

It pierces my lungs
and for a moment
I am dead.
but we all know it is forever.

So dead
that the feathers
and fur
decompose,
and I don't mind.

It's the swiftness
and
unsureness
that carries me to a place.

A place where my silent cries
are never heard
nor never mind,
thus never noticed.

In a land
not ridden with my kind.

I feel the world is not mine anymore.
Now,
I am a graphite dot
that seems to be lightened.
And slowly I fade,
as each day swipes at me
like the eraser in God's hands.

I have been patient.
However, it seems that
these hazel eyes
are unable to be much more patient.

I fear death
by loneliness.

I am too young to pass
And too young to not love all this life.

Renee S L Apr 2011

North Bay

I feel like everyone who walks past me looks
like someone who just walked towards me.

They all look
and feel the same.

I miss uniqueness
I miss randomness

I miss my spontaneity.
I miss the the different colored flowers
the different scents.

but around here
everyone feels the same.

Why?
I've no clue.

but the beige shorts and blown out hair
slowly drain my soul
of the youth
and playfulness it once held.

I will turn into you
as you are slowly turning into me.

but I will fight!

I will move forward in my journey of me.
And leave the always familiar faces

to the sea.

Renee S L Nov 2010

Cronkite

I drove to heaven today.

I drove into it. I waited patiently
five minutes the light lasted.

A one lane into heaven,
and one lane out.

Some people were alone in their cars.
Some were a whole family.

It seems only few were rejected.
Only few cars passed,
while I waited patiently for that tunnel light.

Single filed we drove and it grew dark with light
only evenly spaced out above us.

No one was biking into heaven today.
The light at the end of the tunnel
gradually became brighter, and more
beautiful.

It was a quiet and peaceful drive.
I knew where I was going.

I parked my car where I could find room.
Heaven seemed cramped.
There ought to have been a carpool/bus system.

I got out and strolled.
I had my flip flops and blazer on.
I was ready.
I walk towards the beach.
There is no fog.

The water is clearer than before.
It was beautiful out.
I just stared out into the distance.
there were surfers not surfing
very well.
but no one seemed to mind.
People were laughing and giggling
but there was no sound.
Only the sound the waves made in the distance.

I knew we were all going to be let in soon
The 'sun' was setting and
a storm seemed to block the way of the sun
as it grew slightly dimmer
and the faces grew darker
I decided I ought to leave.
Not because I did not want to go to Heaven
but I know nothing else
other than this life.

No one paid any attention to me.
And those who were rejected
their cars had left.

The parking lot empty.
I drove a different path and waited.
5 minutes for the light to turn again.

5 minutes to go into the tunnel
and back to earth.