It has been many a week,
And void of the love I am sure you seek
Yet, I hadn’t the heart to visit,
Foolish am I! Leaving you alone,
It is I who must atone
And that is what I am here to do,
To tell you that my heart is true.
Aftermath of your discontent, wondering where the love went,
I never meant to upset and that leads me to this crushing regret.
I had fallen from grace
While I made the mistake of giving you space.
My desire for you,
It simply grew and grew and grew,
It has been many a week
And I am here to give you the love you seek.
Red rose! One of those you wanted all those months ago,
From watching your silly show,
Never knowing where you would disappear,
Fighting this sickening fear,
That you were to leave me.
If only you could see,
I simply wanted to show you my love which I know you need,
You would not take my lead.
Though I took time to think,
Allowing my feelings to sink
Marinate in a reflective state.
I thought of your warm smile and dazzling colors you put on your lips,
Those long amusing trips,
The wine that you would drink in small sips
All for not.
The sea of change and discontent already opening,
Shown in your quiet sighs,
Nightly lies which I finally caught with my own eyes,
I am sure that you are wondering why it was my heart and not voice thundering.
The nightly lie was becoming less and less sly,
I knew another had caught your eye,
I gave all the love I could. All that one should.
Yet you did as you would.
I took matters into my own hands,
Forming plan after plan,
How to take care of the problem
To permanently solve them.
Which I did successfully,
Given that I am standing on frozen grassless earth,
Placing a bright red rose, the one from the shows,
Underneath your gray stone,
Bearing an eternity alone.

Removing myself,
A sudden flick of a switch,
Ignoring friends none of which
Know what happened,
That I am malfunctioning,
A coil tightening, becoming frightening
Because another was loosened,
Forcing replies,
Days long without goodbyes,
There was no one to try,
Throw out a message,
Not wanting to respond when they do,
One thing is true,
I am growing distant,
My body is resistant,
Fingers not touching a keyboard or a pen,
Because then.

I crack open,
Spill guts,
Give out trust,
As though I simply must
and I do like my life depends on it.

Before I go cold again,
Then I stop taking to any friend,
Wondering when this fight will end.

I want to give you beauty,
Carefully crafted words in lines,
Show you how nice the world can be,
Yet, I don't know what yours could be,
And that hinders me
From reaching you completely.
I am a stranger,
You could associate me with danger,
Maybe your hopes are endangered,
Like glass on the pavement,
Dropped from the 20th floor,
I don't know the baggage you store,
I don't know what I'm in for,
But unpack your bag,
I can tell it makes your shoulders sag.
Now we have an empty bag,
And yet your shoulders still sag.
I am not a stranger,
You know I would never put you in danger,
I am trying to pick up the glass,
Some of it just got lost in the blades of grass,
Don't give me sass,
I am trying to help,
Your words just pelt,
Stone after stone at what I was trying to build,
No I don't understand how it feels,
But that doesn't mean I can't try to rebuild,
We can try again,
You're my friend,
Please don't pack hat bag,
I hate seeing your shoulders sag,
We couldn't find all of your hopes,
But maybe if we just-

I was told to wait,
So that is what I did,
For someone to get home,
To know I'm not alone,
Stuck in this silent destructive zone,
I do not have a throne,
On which I sit with joy,
Emotions are something people like to toy,
That is not what I do,
I like to know what is true,
To be safe with myself,
And not disappear by putting everything on a shelf,
Shoving item after item,
Until I can't feel anything,
Making sure my fingers will sting,
After I've finished putting my things on the shelf,
A whole new cycle,
Of useless thoughts,
Getting lost in a head,
Half wanting my dead,
I don't know what I could have said,
Being a burden is the last thing I want to do,
That is one of the few things I say that has to be true,
Otherwise I have no value,
To whatever I say,
Or the side of me that I constantly display.

Mangled,
From a mess of sharp tangles,
Comes a sad excuse,
Or a filler,
The air is not any less still,
From a weak word,
One that has no more energy stored,
For it has been devalued,
Senseless use has drained it,
Leaving the speaker as the culprit,
Taking value away every time it was uttered,
Using it the wrong way
In place of having nothing to say,
No way to get me to sway,
Attempting forgiveness,
With deceptiveness,
The misused word,
With nothing left to give.
Sitting empty across a screen,
Sparking no emotion,
Not even the slightest commotion
In a buzzing brain,
From snapping I will refrain,
Yet not for too long,
I am tired of this repeatitive meaningless song.

The five letter word,
Said sarcastically,
As I show just the opposite of it,
Walking away,
Letting hips softly sway,
Ignoring the feelings bubbling up,
Grabbing a cup,
Coloring and drenching,
Watching colors stain the page,
Letting the water fade,
Seep through the paper,
Change the shape,
Bubbling in odd places,
Like my misplaced feelings,
Quietly reeling,
To a few people revealing,
A fraction of how I think,
Silently beginning to sink,
Into my mind,
Before distracting myself,
Putting everything on the shelf,
Drowning myself in the voices of strangers,
Removing dangers,
Left in the odd comfort of grown people,
Telling me things,
That remove any tiny stings.

It slipped away,
Not sure if I wanted it to stay,
Somewhere along those laughs,
Humorless jokes,
The ones that made me hide how much I wanted to choke,
Life from you and I,
This disguise,
Was very unwise,
It could peak through,
Like a toe in a broken shoe,
Not sure quite what to do,
Just keep laughing,
Making it worse,
A silent curse,
Of taking things too far,
Or possibly worse not far enough,
Being around humans deemed tough,
Sometimes necessary,
The answer will vary,
Depend on the human,
And time of day,
There I go starting to stray,
Looks like it all gets away from me.

Little necessary things,
Helping us measure,
Know at what point to sever,
Allows us to put things together,
Having us define forever,
Until these numbers take over the mind,
It was a curious find,
Look at these little things observe them,
Have control over them and can find their sum,
At no cost to anyone,
Simple adding,
Moving on to subtraction,
Multiply and divide,
Then apply it to life,
Mange intake,
See how many you can shake,
Quantify how much you feel fake,
Ignore that you may want cake,
Unaware that these numbers got to your head,
Taking over,
Run for cover,
Oh wait,
It is much too late,
Signs ignored,
Words stored,
Remembered at later times,
For worse rhymes,
Let the numbers dictate your life,
Or get away from it,
Ignore the nagging in your mind,
Just to try and find,
Peace,
Relief from what you put yourself through,
Becoming aware of these numbers,
Devouring feelings,
As a replacement for what you gave numbers the ability to steal,
You have hallow to feel,
Empty,
Slipping into sick number habits,
Let it fall away,
Deal with numbers some other day.

Sound out the words,
Made of letters,
Like gentle feathers,
Sliding over skin,
Wonders coming from within,
Not from you,
But from me,
Sometimes because of what you do,
Changing topic now and then,
Letting you see,
Just what lurks inside me,
Until you know it all too well,
Then I break the spell,
Let you see all I can be,
To see if you'll leave,
My heart is on my sleeve,
Yet there are pieces on the floor,
I should have sewn them in more,
My sleeve is bloodied,
From the broken pieces,
Cutting me open as they fell,
And well,
It's no change to you,
I shouldn't love you the way I do,
Shouldn't forgive when what you said was not true,
Yet I did,
And here I stand,
Holding what connects my hand,
To the rest of my body,
Tied messily to my long sleeve shirt,
Stopping the bleeding,
Somehow not the pain,
Realizing you and I are both to blame,
We are not the same,
This was not a simple game,
This was my heart,
And everything is even more torn apart.

A broken system,
Overheating with feeling,
My mind freewheeling,
From usual thoughts of nothing important,
Getting lost in heat,
So I try to beat back the emotion,
Trying to get rid of every notion,
Everything burning in my mind,
Hoping I'll find peace,
Instead of peace,
I accidentally hit the switch,
Leading me to nothingness,
Shut down mode,
Like on a computer,
Without a restart option,
Like a robot's off button,
Or putting something on autopilot,
Not giving a fight,
On this emotionless flight,
That will last the whole night,
Giving close to no one a fright.

Fresh pain,
From crying I refrain,
Then I become fine,
Throw it from my mind,
Peace I could finally find,
One comment,
I'm back down again,
Without an end,
Back down a spiral of having to be okay,
Needing this anger to go away,
Hating the transfer of mad to sad,
Taking a breath,
I force myself to be fine again,
Nothing to ever be said,
No problem to address,
To myself I confess,
That this silly cycle is a mess.

Slipping into myself,
My answers getting emotionless,
Hiding the stress,
Quietly falling to my knees,
Trying to show the beauty of a breeze,
Once you can't feel,
All I can do is pretend being with you again could be real,
Of course that is intangible,
You are too far,
And I am to distant in a different way,
Watching the grass sway,
I sink into myself,
And slip away,
First in typed responses,
Then in life without your presence,
Losing  myself in essence.
Feelings and another person,
With that is disappear,
Into my mind,
Where there isn't much to find,
Except deliberate words and disappointment,
Spilled on your screen,
For you to read.

How constant you are,
From the surface of my skin,
To deep within,
Bothering me with your tiny stings,
It does not take long,
To feel and then heal
All in the same day,
Changing all the time
Like every single line,
New words in different orders,
Shifting emotional and physical boarders,
Popping through skin,
Killing my heart from within.

Dear Pain,
Please leave me alone. This was never fun in the first place.
Love,
Pretty Much Everyone

Word by word,
Forming sentences,
Hitting send
Hoping this won't end,
Waiting for a reply,
If I don't get one I might die,
Well...that is a bit of a lie
You get my point,
Checking relentlessly,
Hoping it delivered,
That it was read,
Wanting to see what they said,
Over and over,
The same cycle,
Hoping the person on the other end doesn't throw a curve ball,
Hoping that you won't be so stupid as to fall,
For a stranger,
In a game of conversation navigation.

Something I say to myself,
Setting up a good challenge,
Press the record button,
Take the picture,
Own what I am.
That is what I dare you to do.
I dare you to
Type the message,
Find a place to put your ideas,
Let fingers fly over keys,
Don't be afraid to fall to your knees,
Just go for it.

Something everyone desires to be,
At even a little capacity,
Humans want to be so similar to each other,
Then at the same time want to be different and stand out,
Leaving room for doubt,
People believing that differences are all good or all bad,
Normal is customizable though,
Depends on where people are,
Who can be considered a "star"
While not being removed too far,
Giving them a human element
For others to relate to,
Hoping they aren't alone,
Looking up to someone on an imaginary throne,
A place they got placed,
Having their progress traced,
Planes, train, cars, and buses chased
For no reason in particular,
Besides the fact they are so normal,
Yet somehow stand out,
In the perfect balance of normal and idol.

There comes a time where I feel everything,
Cold air's sting,
The bend of my ring,
My breathing,
Movements I make,
Along with my slight shake,
With each breath I take,
Regulating myself,
Wrapping up my feelings on the shelf,
Containing everything,
Refusing to let my voice sing,
Words so familiar they are the only ones I know,
Making me have the urge to just go,
Not with the flow,
Just get out and move,
Take the step out my door,
Everything will be alright then,
I'm sure,
Then when I take that step,
I am aware,
The cold in the air,
Wind that whips hair in my face leaving a sting,
Hearing birds sing,
Feeling everything around me,
Being aware,
Quietly and thoughtfully,
Wondering why I ever gave everything up.

Soft whispers,
Floating in the air,
Knowing that someone is there,
A quiet soft stare,
Most gentle voices carry me to sleep,
Moving from ear to ear,
Erasing my fear,
A few times bringing a quiet tear,
Falling into a normal routine,
Sleeping nightly to the voices of strangers,
A screen removing all the dangers,
Slipping into a comfortable tingle,
The static of silence broken by the kind voice,
Relaxed by an unconscious choice,
Floating into a state new to me,
Calmly free,
Aware of everything that is there,
Knowing that I demand the quiet,
A quiet that is never violent,
Keeping me safe broken by one voice,
My calming choice.

For the first time,
I'm trying too hard to rhyme,
Pushed by influences,
General curiosity,
The severity impact,
My mind fully in tact,
I am still myself,
Yet I do not look like me,
I thought of my skin I wanted to be free,
Somehow I found that to not be true,
Leading me to know exactly what to do,
Rubbing at my face,
Not caring about possible grace,
I could not see me,
The thing staring back at me was not what I was used to,
Not a bad experience,
An eye opener,
Finding the thing I needed was...nothing,
No change,
All rubbed off now,
So I stare,
At the face now there,
Fixing my hair,
Realizing that I was entirely in that moment,
There was nothing new still the old,
And yet it looked so different,
Normal,
Informal,
The way it always is,
I thought it was what I wanted,
When it really wasn't,
I saw myself for how I really looked,
Not wanting the appointment that was booked,
Though it was needed,
There was no need to have to go so far.

Fold after fold,
On paper my ink was sold,
Words I was told,
Through words in a song,
My resolve became strong,
So I folded,
Making paper hearts,
Trying to replace the one I lost,
73 hearts is not enough,
So I fold more,
Hoping just to restore,
The heart dropped on the floor,
I'm not keeping score,
(Twice the heart hit the ground)
So I went to a different sound,
Words that I found,
Inking letters on heart after heart,
Hoping to give mine a jump start,
To no avail,
The love was stale,
I lost time,
Creating things
That left no stings,
It is a pleasant surprise,
Like a sunrise,
Something I rarely see,
Since I am me,
Falling asleep under inked words,
Carefully laid on crafted hearts,
And sticker stars,
The real ones are much to far,
Hidden behind fog,
So here I am,
Song after song,
Folding my heart to repair,
Up I stare,
At folded hearts and sticker stars.

Stop.
Those ten digits will get you in trouble,
Double the power to get thoughts across,
Maybe the meaning will be lost,
It was a possibly deadly cost,
Life is an expensive thing,
From that shiny ring,
To the phone that will ping,
Or watching someone sing,
It all costs,
Ignore that,
Stop the words on the screen,
They appear with emotion,
Sometimes they show devotion,
Others things are difficult to get through,
No way to know what is true,
Maybe you think you do,
Or you are lying to yourself,
Stop those fingers from flying across the keys,
It could bring someone to their knees,
Make people fall like leaves from trees,
Ten fingers do so much more than ever before.

Today I got a message,
From a stranger,
There was no danger,
I was behind a screen,
It was my choice to talk,
A fake persona to rock,
A different version of myself,
A piece I pull off the shelf,
Responding to word after word,
My fingers fly like a bird,
Smooth and without mistake,
It is not hard to be mildly fake,
Showing a side most do not view,
Maybe this is a side too.

No bright lights,
No waiting fights,
No goodnights,
Just nothing,
I said the last thing,
It made it through the internet,
Lighting up the other screen,
This must have been seen,
With all the signs of waiting messages,
Little red things with numbers,
Not hard to miss,
Maybe there is no care,
I thought it was there,
Now I just stare,
And think of what I want to say,
Maybe I should just go away,
Yet I need a place to stay,
The screen is my home,
My words on your phone,
Not acknowledged,
So I now I'm here,
Sitting alone,
No messages on a screen,
Time for my mind to be mean,
It doesn't matter anyway,
I never thought anyone would stay.

Words can be loud,
Or as soft as a cloud,
Floating in the air,
Hanging there,
Being received,
To show that I have not been deceived,
Typed words are so much scarier,
No tone,
No way to know,
Just having to go with the flow,
An unsteady go,
Minutes slide by,
I start questioning why,
Silence as water falls from my eyes,
Wondering what was the lie,
Wanting to just know,
Where any of this could have gone,
The answer is no where,
Since I am in the middle of it,
So I'll just sit,
Accepting no response,
There are no words in the air,
No soft words,
Just silence,
The ringing that pierces my ears,
Encasing all my fears,
No clouds besides stormy ones,
And those aren't even visible,
This silence is the invisible kind,
One for myself to find,
Since no one has me in mind,
There is such a small amount of time,
I've stolen enough so I should give up mine,
Which I would be all too glad to share,
Yet none of that is fair,
Why would it be?
There are no soft sounds here,
Just some fear,
And tear after tear.