It has been many a week,
And void of the love I am sure you seek
Yet, I hadn’t the heart to visit,
Foolish am I! Leaving you alone,
It is I who must atone
And that is what I am here to do,
To tell you that my heart is true.
Aftermath of your discontent, wondering where the love went,
I never meant to upset and that leads me to this crushing regret.
I had fallen from grace
While I made the mistake of giving you space.
My desire for you,
It simply grew and grew and grew,
It has been many a week
And I am here to give you the love you seek.
Red rose! One of those you wanted all those months ago,
From watching your silly show,
Never knowing where you would disappear,
Fighting this sickening fear,
That you were to leave me.
If only you could see,
I simply wanted to show you my love which I know you need,
You would not take my lead.
Though I took time to think,
Allowing my feelings to sink
Marinate in a reflective state.
I thought of your warm smile and dazzling colors you put on your lips,
Those long amusing trips,
The wine that you would drink in small sips
All for not.
The sea of change and discontent already opening,
Shown in your quiet sighs,
Nightly lies which I finally caught with my own eyes,
I am sure that you are wondering why it was my heart and not voice thundering.
The nightly lie was becoming less and less sly,
I knew another had caught your eye,
I gave all the love I could. All that one should.
Yet you did as you would.
I took matters into my own hands,
Forming plan after plan,
How to take care of the problem
To permanently solve them.
Which I did successfully,
Given that I am standing on frozen grassless earth,
Placing a bright red rose, the one from the shows,
Underneath your gray stone,
Bearing an eternity alone.

Removing myself,
A sudden flick of a switch,
Ignoring friends none of which
Know what happened,
That I am malfunctioning,
A coil tightening, becoming frightening
Because another was loosened,
Forcing replies,
Days long without goodbyes,
There was no one to try,
Throw out a message,
Not wanting to respond when they do,
One thing is true,
I am growing distant,
My body is resistant,
Fingers not touching a keyboard or a pen,
Because then.

I crack open,
Spill guts,
Give out trust,
As though I simply must
and I do like my life depends on it.

Before I go cold again,
Then I stop taking to any friend,
Wondering when this fight will end.

I want to give you beauty,
Carefully crafted words in lines,
Show you how nice the world can be,
Yet, I don't know what yours could be,
And that hinders me
From reaching you completely.
I am a stranger,
You could associate me with danger,
Maybe your hopes are endangered,
Like glass on the pavement,
Dropped from the 20th floor,
I don't know the baggage you store,
I don't know what I'm in for,
But unpack your bag,
I can tell it makes your shoulders sag.
Now we have an empty bag,
And yet your shoulders still sag.
I am not a stranger,
You know I would never put you in danger,
I am trying to pick up the glass,
Some of it just got lost in the blades of grass,
Don't give me sass,
I am trying to help,
Your words just pelt,
Stone after stone at what I was trying to build,
No I don't understand how it feels,
But that doesn't mean I can't try to rebuild,
We can try again,
You're my friend,
Please don't pack hat bag,
I hate seeing your shoulders sag,
We couldn't find all of your hopes,
But maybe if we just-

I was told to wait,
So that is what I did,
For someone to get home,
To know I'm not alone,
Stuck in this silent destructive zone,
I do not have a throne,
On which I sit with joy,
Emotions are something people like to toy,
That is not what I do,
I like to know what is true,
To be safe with myself,
And not disappear by putting everything on a shelf,
Shoving item after item,
Until I can't feel anything,
Making sure my fingers will sting,
After I've finished putting my things on the shelf,
A whole new cycle,
Of useless thoughts,
Getting lost in a head,
Half wanting my dead,
I don't know what I could have said,
Being a burden is the last thing I want to do,
That is one of the few things I say that has to be true,
Otherwise I have no value,
To whatever I say,
Or the side of me that I constantly display.

Mangled,
From a mess of sharp tangles,
Comes a sad excuse,
Or a filler,
The air is not any less still,
From a weak word,
One that has no more energy stored,
For it has been devalued,
Senseless use has drained it,
Leaving the speaker as the culprit,
Taking value away every time it was uttered,
Using it the wrong way
In place of having nothing to say,
No way to get me to sway,
Attempting forgiveness,
With deceptiveness,
The misused word,
With nothing left to give.
Sitting empty across a screen,
Sparking no emotion,
Not even the slightest commotion
In a buzzing brain,
From snapping I will refrain,
Yet not for too long,
I am tired of this repeatitive meaningless song.