I can hear the gears working, spinning beyond the fog.
They grind rhythmically

The fog is clearing.
Agony sets in.

The pain
Paranoia.

Fear wracks my mind
Twisting it and contorting it.

The Gears Spin.
Faster and Faster.

They bleed as my head throbs in pain.
It is clutched in my right hand.

It is my salvation.

I place it in my mouth and swallow.

The fog returns.
Thicker, Stronger.

I no longer hear the gears.

A million years waiting,
It can be done.
But this mortal frame cannot last.
No.
I think I'll fight.
With all my heart and soul.


For you.

My mind void of all thought.
Except for you.

Not one person is kind.
Except for you.

Not one person speaks.
Except for you.

Not one person cares.
Except for you.

I have not one person to love.


Except For You.

All you'll ever be
Is a distant memory
Of my Happiness.

I can recall with perfect detail
That wonderful smile of yours.

Everytime we met, it was there,
That glowing face and those happy eyes.

Then, it left.

You fell out of love
As if flipping a switch.

I dread the day we meet again.
For my heart still belongs to you

And only you.

I'm on top of him.
I hear screams behind me.
I keep punching.
His nose finally breaks,
Blood covering my hands with subsquent hits.

His lips say stop
I slam his head down, dazing him
I start choking him until he quits struggling.

I lift him by the hair
He coughs blood on me.
I take his head, slam it into the wall.
Once. Twice. Thrice.
I keep going until he goes limp.
I throw him aside, then look at my bloodsoaked hands.

I can't remember being happy.
This isn't happy.
Bloodlust.

I kick him over and look at his face.
He's unrecognizable.
I've ended him.

Or so i thought.

He gets up
Looks at me
And smiles.

"It doesn't work that way" he mouths
I try to turn and walk away.
He latches on my wrist.
Hes back in my head.
Laughing..


"Even if you try, You can't **** us all."

I keep thinking you'll walk through my door,
Embrace me tightly and tell me
It was all just a bad dream...
But it's not..

It feels like a thousand blades
Speared through my chest.
Every day..

I try to remember good things,
Really I do.
But all i can think about
Is you with him...

It fills me with such a rage,
But then..,
What does it matter..?
I can't do anything,
Can't control you...

I feel like I no longer
Matter to you...
Yet..,
You're the only one
Running through my head
Every
Single
Day.

Wanna know why?

Because I still love you..
With every single fiber
Of my existence....

Unrequited Love.
Alienation.
Wrath.

Get out.. just get out of my head.

Past Heartbreaks.
Homelessness.
Abuse...

Why do you have to keep reminding me?

Tears.
Cuts.
Yelling.

I know I'm just a ******* failure just stop reminding me!!

Ignorance.
Death.
Love.

My heads going to explode from this maelstrom of memories..

Jealousy.
Fear.
Loss.

Everything wrong... Every mistake...

How is there a future for me... if I shouldn't even exist now?

I just want to forget it all...

Blissful Ignorance.

Amnesia...

Better yet....,

Just let it all end.

Who is this
I'm seeing in the mirror?
You aren't me.
Stop.
Stay out of my head.
I don't want this.
Leave me alone!
I HATE YOU.
Get out.
Leave me alone.
...
Like everyone else.

I sit, clutching my arms,
The warmth of them feel alien to these cold hands.
My breath crystallizes in the crisp morning air.
I'm feeling cold, not from weather.
My insides freezing over.
So long have i felt another's touch....
I tell myself someone has to
Love me.
But do they?
....I feel even colder now......

I kneel on the floor
Arms crossed over my chest
Clutching my shoulders
Grasping for some sense
Of reality.

I'm screaming
Screaming as loud as i can
But there's no sound
No-one hears me
I cant utter a word..
Ill just stay chained
Like an obedient dog.
But my bloods boiling
Hands shaking
World turning red
They all hurt me
All pity me but do NOTHING!
I'm just a sickly person
Someone to avoid
WELL *******!!
I'm a human being
I deserve love...
Don't i?
Or is this penance
For some sin?

I lay on the floor.
Clutching my knees to my chest
The floor is soaked with tears
i stand up and realize
No one cares.
I'll just occupy space
Until someone needs me
Don't take forever
I may not work very long

I loved those days.
When I'd slide over to you
And move so our eyes were level.
You always thought
I was trying to kiss you
I was just trying to look at you
To show
how much i loved you
No matter how unrequited
And all your excuse.
I still believe
still hope
That you'll love me someday too.

I lay, staring at the ceiling
A million thoughts
running through my head
What will tomorrow bring?
Sweet memories?
Or
Maybe something else...
I have to keep pressing on.
There is a light
at the end of my tunnel.
I'll reach it someday.
'Til then,
Ill rest easy.
And forget my troubles tonight.

Ive been to hell and back
Seen things i should never see
Felt flames lick my soul
Now I'll never be free.

Then you came along.
Like a beacon of light
Something to strive for
My hearts taken flight.

If my wings shall be clipped
Ill fall, keep falling then,
Curse my life
To never love again...

They say i have no soul
They were wrong
Its just hiding
Away from your vision
In the shadow it shines
Bright Eigengrau
In everlasting darkness.