before I sleep, i fix my sheets
and stack my pillows as if
a lover sleeps on my bed

i sleep and wake up alone, but
i wouldn’t mind waking up
to morning hair, sleepy eyes,
tired smiles and a long yawn
i wouldn’t mind waking up
before dawn, after dusk,
during the sunset or while
we’re under the stars

i wonder how lovers like these
are hard to find, because i bask
in the simplicity of mornings
for only in these early hours do i
truly know someone

maybe i have puzzles and traps
stuck on my hallway, or a
warning sign taped on my door
for none even bothered to knock
or maybe it is my refusal
to find any other

no one else sleeps on my bed,
because i’ve pressed all my sheets,
perfumed all my pillows, marked
my calendar and saved the dates
for nights and days with you.

will you stay long enough
to keep me until i can love again?
or will you make me see
that there is no hope for me?

if you will, then be the wind
that goes without a trace,
so i can only smell
what you’ve left,
the scent of your betrayal

for each time you return
to fill me with your essence,
i have no choice,
but to open myself fully to you—

i can’t live like this,
i can’t breathe in what you exhale,
leaving me with nothing, when
you go on to places
like the morning mist,

this isn’t love, this is
all your emotions on airlock
poured out on me,
i can tell you’re running out
so i’m running away.

they say a picture
tells a thousand words…

if you see my smile
captured in a candid moment
with eyelashes batted
in a second
would you see the sadness
behind the smile?
how my lips are pursed
after the click?
how in my mind,
i have to keep smiling
so you’d think i’m happy?

you’ll never see
everything with just a picture
but you can write everything
behind a smile.

we wrote our names on the sand
filled it with hearts
and shells for embellishment
you wrote with the thicker end
of the stick, made deep marks
on the white sand
but you wrote it near the edge
and it was washed away

as water filled up
the spaces we made
we had no choice but to look on
and when it was over
you sighed,
i cried

our love was swallowed
by a whirlpool.

ten months ago,
I went to a temple
and made a wish
on kidney-shaped stones

it wasn’t a serious wish
but it wasn’t silly either
i might as well say it
since it came true

i wished for you.

no lost souls
no dead hearts
no visiting strangers
bringing wreaths of flowers
that wilt under the sun

although my love
is close to death,
long until my final breath

i will never be a graveyard
and my heart isn’t
a mausoleum.

i made you a card
the only words inside are
“i love you and i’m sorry”

it would mean so much to me
if you could receive it
because you’d understand,
and gather my pieces while
everyone sees me whole

but i don’t know where you are
and heaven doesn't accept cards
unless i send them to you myself

i’ll pray for you, ma
happy mother’s day.