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Regine Howl Jun 2015
It's me
HEY! ...it's me
I don't know why... but how many times did you leave that same message on my phone.
All three that I still have
They alI charge, under my bed
just so I can hear you say "It's me" Just so
So I can still get mad at the "Don't know why I called"'s
until I hear the pause, where you realize you need to go
GO RIGHT NOW
I miss the voicemails you left me
You wouldn't tell me but you would call religiously if I didn't answer
And I would call you, over and over and over
It was enough to see my name on the little screen I guess
But then you needed me to make a recording
so you could hear my voice when leaving short, self destructive messages
or lengthy two minute long translations of goodbye
You said "Just do it please... So I can hear your voice when you don't answer me."
You never called me back
And I still have no message for my machine.
Regine Howl Jan 2014
spin webs; eat ink
she isn't there, she's wishing
clawing at locks; tell me
Because I haven't any words it seems

I sure am struggling.

but I still have a pen.

So just because this sounds like ****
Just because you don't like, you don't think I am worth remembering
One day I am going to write it
I will write it all, and maybe
Nobody will like it or get it
but you're going to hear me.

You are going to ******* hear me.
Regine Howl Jan 2014
Let Them Linger->
no don't **** them.
Oh dear, HERE is the conflict,
frozen solid...

don't regret anything; learn from it.
Learn from WHAT?!

- don't talk
- say it all
- stay home
- chase them
- give them space
- let them go
- they come back
- they leave again

Then there's you.
- breaking hearts
- ******* boys
- hating yourself
- so you mistreat them

You realize the cycle
So what? Just stop?
okay.
now what?
Regine Howl Jan 2014
I have burned things for hours
to see what color they would turn
When you burned me, and we know you did
what color did you see?
you probably didn't even look you *****.
Regine Howl Dec 2013
dumb & anxious
longhaired
I lived on the edge, a ******
to any single thing you shared
words, kisses, hate, spit, secrets
dares
to live without you
I cleaned, with alcohol
I scrubbed, with *******
now there's nothing in here
notes, pictures, stories, feelings
no more nerve endings for you
numb & nervous
empty stare
Regine Howl Dec 2013
Get out of my mouth
Cold night air, the calm before the storm
I haven't had a taste of you in ages
What brings it on?
I want to claw you out
Rub til tears
Taste someone new, yet
I'm
Either empty
Or remember you
Regine Howl Oct 2013
She's riding in my passenger seat, telling me about the girl who won't separate the sheets
Steering wheel hot under my hands as I drive down a service road miles away
The whiskey shots she had early hit my nose, and acid burns my eyes
Cause you're riding shotgun and I can feel the bleeding in my mind

I haven't spoken to you in months, despite your hidden attempts
Longer still, since I've seen you under the night sky with your love at your side
It has been almost a year since I kissed you last
I can taste you now because I smelled the mix of cigarettes and bourbon

Years it's been since I've known you, if ever at all
The dust in my car clings to the bits and pieces that remind me
***** amplifies the fact that your skin cells and hair are probably still embedded in the seats
Next to me the girl is still talking about the god ****** laundry

Just yesterday my email put me into a panic
There was your name, asking for friendship, within a cloak of invisibility of course
The tab flashed as brightly as a siren to me yet I didn't move nor budge
WBF he asked, just for a second, no more

No more, well how convenient for you isn't it?
It's always within your time frames, when you need it
Never friends when I have been crushed, when I lay cursing you in your last shirt you left
Abandoned on my floor

I hit the blinker, turn down the workhorse, and nod my head
Trying not to breathe deeply while agreeing with whatever she said
I dropped her off at the liquor store and as she slammed the door
My throat burned with a scream that you would never hear

Two long years, your scent stayed with me
In my hair, in my heart, in my bed
Even though you were happy in CO, living with your high school sweetheart
And I was home, fighting with mine instead

You came back, she ruined you is what you claimed
I left him and tried all the wrong ways to save you
So we fell asleep too many times together on someone else's couch
And after telling me you loved me and begging me to return it, you left me

Said you were in love, with a girl who hate ****** you
Screamed the word perpetuated into the phone
and that wound is the rotting hole that you used to be kept safe in
A soul that was so tightly wound with your snores and your thoughts and your beastly smile

The car is parked, and I do not cry for you even with the feeling
Like you could be right here, trying hard not to love my car dancing and my real laugh
I am a smart girl, I say today just as I did yesterday
Smart girl furious that I made it all up

I thought I knew the boy in the combat boots picking flowers
I believed him when he cried onto me and swore I wasn't a joke
That he wasn't saying them behind my back, the one he clinged to when he made love
That's what he told me we did, I said we were making stories

I forget from time to time, but I am furious that I believed him
That he let me believe him
More than anything, he was supposed to be my friend
He wanted me to be invisible
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