Can I have a new body please
One that works
One to carry me throughout the day,
Without knowing constant hurt.

A heart that knows no sorrows,
Not mended up with tape.
One that feels love and joy,
Not one that is filled with hate.

A brand new stomach, fully functional
One that can digest
A gut that can take the burden of my suffering,
But now, I digress

A bladder that is of normal size
That doesn't keep me up at night
A bladder that isn't nothing but a pain
One that doesn't seek revenge just to spite

A brain that is fully functional
One that allows me to be at peace
One devoid of anxieties and fears
One that doesn't ruminate on the grief

If only my body was working,
The way it was meant to be.
I wouldn't be crying a river
Thinking that maybe it's me.

I could spend lifetimes staring at

the half-lit wick that glows behind your eyes

That twinkle that make the stars seem sickly

and the dawn seem a dreary maze

-

Fear may be the mind killer

but anticipation goes for the heart

Breathing to break the anxious calm

that accompanies this unknowing

-

Yours are the words that bound me

and yours are the words that beckoned me into the fire

This is my punishment

Without you, I fall

I want to be made, just a memory,
not concrete, just something abstract,
a play of the mind, real or unreal,
a question to be answered, but never been,

I want to be made, just a picture,
body-less, with nothing, to key the clogs
of a futile mind, left unacknowledged,
but for my colors grimacing at you,

I would want to be, just a single word,
you would sometimes, recite in your sleep,
having no soul, no truth, no reality to cope with,
defined by those letters, stringed together,

I would want to be a ripple on the pond,
in which you can see, your own distortion,
ignoring the worthlessness of me, the me
being left whirling around, in concentric circles,

I would want to be, the blow of air,
that comes by, to kiss your cheeks,
and you take it in, not having seen me,
being I am nothing but gas and vapor,

I would want to be, a single grain of soil,
indistinguishable, among many others,
of the same size, color, and shape,
broken up into a minute existence,

I would want, to be the dew drop,
of your red eyes, unnoticed, sneaking,
surviving in your pain, I am lost
when you wipe me away, to oblivion,

I would want to be a thing with no life,
for life has betrayed me, much and I shall
rest, as that memory, sand grain, blow of air,
or eye pearl, ripple, picture or just a mere word