But “where are you going? Daddy.”
The words repeating under her breathe…
Mommy called.

Babysitters coming,
She’ll bring a pizza, and play a game.

Grandma. “why is she here.”
Whispers are exchanged outside, little ears don’t need to hear such
Business

Grandma. Leaves.

Mommy doesn’t come home till,
Later than usual.

With grandma.

We gather around the table.
Something is to be said.

…
“wheres daddy?’
Agenda:
Item #1: Padres Presence.

Guys… papas… gone.

Tears, like the murderous blow to a jugular, flows from my eyes.

It was merely those words that brought forth her reaction.
Not the actually death. How are you supposed to respond… to that? Those words?

She was only 15, adults can take it with dignity, but she just a babe.

Faces, they just saw, her.
They just, couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t know how to act.

Item #2: profanity.
The cause of a life to pass on,
“please, why couldn’t it have been sickness, car crash, ******?

Just not that. Anything but
…please.

I awoke, in a tent, the fresh summer grass, its Wednesday.
Its also Wednesday, every drop of blood, only to cope with the hole in her childish heart
Endorphins they say: makes her heart beat.

…Now she hurts on the outside too.

Year later, as the heart beats, the pain is back, like an ol war wound.
The memories fade, the pain grows strong.

I hereby commit my life to saving those who struggle with depression, and helping the families of those who couldn’t get help.
I know how you feel, I love you.

we were raised to be unsure

to be doubtful
and confused
and trustless

to wonder

but only because we
cannot assure
ourselves

we were told to be quiet,
sit silently, and do good

we were never asked
our opinion and we
never asked why

we were told:

we need to listen to our parents,
our teachers, our papas, mamas,
uncles, counselors, and bosses,
to the politicians and back-alley
preachers because they know it
all, they’ve been around the block
and seen the world, and they know
how it goes

we need to believe their advice
and do what they say because
god is always watching you
know

we were raised in a
universe devoid of
reason

we were left pursuing questions
without ever knowing there were
actually answers

we, the doubtful,
confused,
and trustless

how to do we know
anything?

too many,
I say,
look skyward for
their answer

only to miss,
a tiny whisper,
constantly
humming out of
their hearts