“jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene…”
dolly parton belted away

i sped past a field
another field
horses whipped their tails in a fury

i sung along,
“jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene…”

the sky was menacing
and finally opened up,
cried onto my windshield
my wipers worked double time

a sticky kind of rain,
where the air is so warm and humid
that it feels like a fleece blanket;
the best kind of rain

i pulled onto the shoulder
and danced up and down the yellow lines
because that’s just what you do
in this kind of rain

“jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene…”
dolly parton serenaded me
as i put on a show
for lazy cows and wayward dogs

and i screamed along with the song
“you could have your choice of men
but i could never love again
he’s the only one for me, jolene”*
the rain and my dancing
became an entangled, erratic mess

as i pulled away, wet and cold,
i ejected the CD that he made for me,
threw it out the window
and ran it over
three times, for good measure

i ******* hate jolene

chapped lips
sticky and sweet
the popsicle melts
and stains my crisp white dress
a seagull steals the french fry out of a little boy’s hands,
he begins to cry
the busker’s sing songs
of love and loss,
whiskey and wine
the boardwalk creaks
and i dream
of a cold beer on the beach,
the melody of waves reuniting with sand
like long lost friends
the soothing slap of sandals on pavement
freckles and homemade jam
midnight adventures to the park
skinny-dipping in a strangers pool
hopscotch and chalk
freshly painted toenails
the sun gifting us with golden skin and golden hair
adirondack chairs and campfires
fishing in lady evelyn and portaging in temagami
braving the falls at muskegoe
and counting the stars while lying on the bridge
catching frogs in the pond
while drinking coolers in paddle boats
sweaty palms and first kisses,
nervous anticipation
red skies mark the beginning of endless nights
i dip my toes in the fresh water
and the ripples skew my reflection
the man in the moon is happy
and so am i

the cold wind howls outside,
the sudden downpour makes the stray cats scatter,
and a car backfires up the road.

you’re drunk, you’re upset
make-up streams down your face,
intertwining with your tears.

a pathetic fallacy if i ever saw one.

i’m outside;
my flesh hits the cold brick
at the side of the house

i’m not drunk, but i’m upset
and i can’t let you see
so i prescribe the cold and rain as my remedy,
it reminds me that i’m still here.

and i shiver,
but it’s better then going inside.

going inside means that i would have to tell you
why something so trivial
made me break down.

going inside means that you would discover
the secret behind my facade.

because i’m not upset at you
and i’m not angry.

i’m scared.

this real world that we’re living in,
it’s beating me up.

i’m afraid.

because in my mind,
my fear and my pain
is not as severe as yours.

and i’m terrified,
that you’ll call me weak
and you’ll laugh.

so for now,
i’ll lean against this brick wall
and let the rain and the cold
become my drug.

and i’m still reeling
from that moment when i let it all go.
and i’m still waiting
for that moment when i’m truly going to know.

and i’m still hoping
that you’ll find me here.

because i’m done searching
and i’m done trying to figure it all out.

i’m bathing in this solitude;
i’m immersed in it.
and i’m not going to be held responsible
for pulling myself out,
i refuse.

it’s a simple situation,
that you’ll just need to comprehend.
wrap your thick head around it,
try to understand
where i’m coming from
and what i want.

because once you do;
once you know,
it’ll be easy.
and you’ll regret
not saving me sooner.
and you’ll regret
waiting so long.

i’m here,
and now’s the time
to be my knight in shining armor.

three syllables, three words
i and love and you

it feels like someone is squeezing your heart
their fist wraps around it
and clenches hard
then quickly lets go
and you inhale, exhale

your breaths are shallow
and your entire body feels weak,
your head is light
and your ***** grin doesn’t go away
when your mind wanders,
it always ends  up at the same place

you know it’s not love
but it sure as hell feels good

every little thing feels special

a nickname,
a text,
a goodbye hug,
a goofy smile

and you just wait,
for the ride to begin

alien
and
surreal
like
picking the ripest mango,
slow dancing under the brightest stars,
lighting candles in the backyard,
tiptoeing on creaky wood floors,
searching for ghosts in old white houses,
staring at the sun too long,
running down empty roads in the middle of the night,
smiling at the most inappropriate times,
swimming with the moon,
finding someone else’s eyes in a crowded room,
empty rocking chairs,
bellyaching laughs,
aviator sunglasses,
twenty hour car rides,
endless stretch of field
and the best of joni mitchell

your mind
is in a punch bowl
floating,
drunk and dizzy
and
as light as a balloon

your heart,
is licking old wounds
and tearing off ****** bandages,
ready for war once again

your mind blows a fuse
and there’s an earthquake in your chest
that little solider in there
no matter how broken and depressed
always seems to know
exactly what is best

i thought i wanted to see another side of you
but i couldn’t,
i didn’t
and i probably never will

truthfully, i knew all along
that there was never anything there

my
sweet, kind
partner in crime
selfless, generous
friend

i saw the way you smiled
when i smiled
and the way your eyes sparkled
when i caught them staring into mine

i’m sorry if i hurt you,
or let you down
but maybe i’m just putting myself on a pedestal

am i selfish
for wanting things to be
a little more
extraterrestrial?

should i feel guilty
because i’m longing for
fireworks?

am i self-centered
for wanting to feel
light-headed?

i want it to be magical
and i know
that you’re not the one
meant to sweep me off my feet

you don’t hold that power over me,
and you probably never will

so convict me for telling the truth
instead of sugar-coating

and condemn me
for just wanting to be your friend

but i know you’ll find someone
who’s pulse will quicken,
breath will shorten
and knees will tremble

and you will be glad,
my friend