THE PAIN THAT IS HEAVY ON MY HEART IS THE PAIN OF A LOST SOUL WITH EVERY INCH RIP FROM ONE END TO ANTHER.
THE FEELING OF THIS PAIN WITH TEARS OF SADNESS THAT NO WORDS COULD EVEN WXPAINED.
MY WORRIES AND MY GIVING OF LOVE THAT I HAD AND STILL HAVE FOR YO IS BROKEN TO PEACES THAT IS SHOULD NOT HAVE TO TRY TO PUT BACK HLE AGAIN. THEREE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT WAS TO STILL BE DONE MANY HOURS OFB TIMES THAT WE SHOULD BE RUNNING. THE WHEELS OFF THIS ROAD THAT U NOW HAAVE PASSED WITH OUT ME ARE BLOCKED BECAUSE YOU LEFT ME TO FAST AND TO SOON. THERE I FIND MY SELF FRONT OF THE WINDOW WITH RAIN DROPS OF SADNESS AND PAIN ASKING WHY? MY GOD WHY? NOT  KNOWING WHAT TO DO NOW THAT YOUR ARE NO LONGER HEAR MY FRIEND. NOT ABLE TO BREATH BECAUSE YOU STOP BREATHING ON ME. HOLDING IT ALL IN WHERE INJUST WANT TO LET IT ALL OUT AND WAKE UPO FROM THIS NIGHT MARE OF MINE.FOR ME MY FRIEND YOU WHERE THE BEST FRIEND ANY ONE COULD HAVE. YOUR HEART WAS FULL WITH SO MUCH LOVE THAT YOU COULD ALWAYS BSEE THE LOVE THAT YOU GAVE TO THOSE THAT JUST NEEDED A HELPING HAND YOU NEVER SAID NO. THE MADNESS THAT ONCE WAS WITH IN YOU GOT NOVER COME BY BEING MY FRIEND AND LETTING ME IN YOUR LIFE. NOT ONLY YOU SHOWED ME AND HELP ME YOU LET ME HELP YOU AS WLL. I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT ALL THE TIMES WE HAD FROM DAY ONE WHERE THE BEST TIMES OF MY LIFE THAT I WISH YOU WHERE HEAR FOR MANY MORE... I FIND IT SO HAED TO LET GO OF SOME ONE SO SWEET AND LOVING AND CARING AS YO FOREVERB AND EVER YOU WILL HAVE A BIG PART OF MY HEART I WILL NEVER LET ANY ONE TAKE THAT FROM  ME. I FIND IT SO HARD TO BREATH ANY MORE AND NEVER WANTING TO LET U GO. I LOVE U ALWAYS AND FOREVER YOU MY BESTFRIEND BOSS AND SO MUCH MORE MY DEAR LOVE  ABEL TOVAR REST WITH ME IN PEACE IN HEAVEN WE SOME DAY SOON WILL MEET.

Love
Always question what it is that I have to do to get things back where there needed to be at the mind is covers with spoke dreams that we are always chasing and seam to never make them come to life
the path that we go down is a road that we will have to find our own way thought  it
   the earth that we find our self standing so still on is burn the feet from under our self, the rain that some how coming from the ground up wounding why is it not falling from the darken sky above,
    looking in to the sky that once was there and know that this could just be a dream of its own, pinching your self to see if you are a sleep or awake and,
the pain is real as this life we have and know for a fact that its not a dream  we find are self began to float up in the darken sky that once was blue and now black,
   are worlds are not the same as we once thought it could be the world that u live on is so far different then the world that I live on and so hard to try to make it to your,
     to world in to different time and frozen in time and always question why is it that we cant find our self to one another so we just are there drifting in different ways trying to find one another.
Baby cakes 2016/1

Space in time
'
only space in time will there be you and I walking along things that we would never walk on,
only space and time we find our self holding on to ever part of some thing that we thougth was still there but under it all,
we find our self alone and with nothing at all,
trying to find that space in time where every thing that once was so right for that  monment in time and try not to give it up under it all,
but knowing that it once was there and it will no long be the same as it once was
in space in time some times we have to let it go and the times that we are trying to fix it,
I find it hurts much more the second time around much more then the frist time of not know why you even left,

in space in time some time it much better to not to know why or even to try it again and its some times much better to just leave the passed behind and just to keep moving on with out holding on.

Baby cake 2/1/2017

BIT BY BIT
bit by bit they seam to fall.
Piece by piece they come along,
hear I stand in a mix,
hear I fight,
trying so hard not to give in,
fighting myself as I yell out loud,
searching and searching for a way out,
as I get ready to fall to the ground,
hear I fight as one hand has it all,
another is holding me in a stand still,
the white die is there in the mix of the can,
pulling it up with the cotton so bright,
I am sick to the bone and as I shake for one last take,
the rush that my mind is craving,
the dive in that warms my soul,
hear I go to a point that is so strong,
diving in, it takes it's toll,
the pinch of the skin in it goes,
the darkness of my blood shows it all,
twisted up it the white mix,
holding on to that one last breathe,up it goes like a rocked ship the vines of my soul that once was rich,
carrying me thou this rush that is so true and real beating my heart,
that is hanging on by one little peace of heaven and a hole lot of hell,
I turn to run Caz my body just went off to a world that no one should ever see,
but to me the felling it gives every time I spend in a rush of sadness,
twisted it may seam crazy they say, but to me the felling of being free,
is the felling that I love to take,
the shaking is all over my body the clothes fly off as my skin seams to leave,
from head to toe only I know what it fells like to rush so good,
hell is my friend with death by my side,
every time I feed my vain with white die inside,

baby cakes 1/21/2017

Love
Always question what it is that I have to do to get things back where there needed to be at the mind is covers with spoke dreams that we are always chasing and seam to never make them come to life
the path that we go down is a road that we will have to find our own way thought  
   the earth that we find our self standing is so still that is burn the feet from under our self, the rain that some how coming from the ground up wounding why is it not falling from the darken sky above,
    looking in to the sky that once was there and know that this could just be a dream of its own, pinching your self to see if you are a sleep or awake and,
the pain is real as this life we have and know for a fact that its not a dream  we find are self began to float up in the darken sky that once was blue and now black,
   are worlds are not the same as we once thought it could be the world that u live on is so far different then the world that I live on and so hard to try to make it to yours
     to world in to different times and frozen in time and always question why is it that we cant find our self to one another so we just are there drifting in different ways trying to find one another.
Baby cakes 2016/18/09

These battle wounds that i face every day of my life seam to be getting harder and harder to fight any more.
      These tears that i cant no longer hide seam to run faster and faster ever time i get beat down.
   It not right nor far that i have to live this life i do always wondering what happiness fells like and what it is to be loved and not hated on or beat up.

Peace by peace they seam to fall little by little the never gain it all,
  reaching up for something that will never be, under the madness see them all fall,\
  breath to air water to rain,
]  those dark wonderful night that I seam to never find killing me slowly with the burning flames that once was there,
trying to find what it is that make me run from all the wonderful things , but to  only want that bad dark side,





the blood that run deep with in the bitter side of my soul,
is nothing more but cold black pain there is no red any more
but a frozen blue ice that stabs me every time I run thou this path
that I find to never break from,
its a sad but true story of this nightmare that wont stop hunting my dreams at night
believe it is real to only the eyes of the one who dreams at night and as well as day,
my heart is rip from one end to another and seams to not ever be fix,
the holes of the threads that tries to hold it together are endless stings that are burn along
    the way of death that is standing close by me waiting to see my self fall apart, the torches that it has on me every day that I am living is so so painful that I should just take the next bluet that is right there in arm reach, the gun is give to me and only me to find the other side of this ****** up world that walk everyday that goes buy.
There I stand in the dark looking at the window that use to shine and I cant seam to find the light, so cold it seams to be as the darkness find me gain alone and afraid but there are no tears that falls from my eyes that once looked at you, my body is there unable to move nor less breath bluer then I have ever been as my hand tries to fell my face but the hands that once was your and mind to hold at night just broke off from my body that is all yours,
    just like glass that breaks so will I all in to little peices of nothing more but melted ice in this dark frozen time of this living hell that will never let me be free from everything that once was.
Baby cakes 2016/31/10

im just the  ashs
shes a burning string.....

The hands
the hands that are yours and mine are the hands that fall every time, the earth that we live on is a place which soon will die,
     the water that flows to drink is dry, as the air we breath is cover in fog,
  life as we once knew seam to no long be free, the moon that shine in the mist of night,
  is fighting to even come out at night, the sun is burning hotter everyday and there seams not to be no more rain,
  just like the desert  that so so far from the sky,
  so are the arms that once held me tight, the rivers that has the clears spring of all,
  there lies the rocks so dark and cold many many miles away, the mountains from
   a mist that so gray the earth began to shakes as I watch the cities go up in flames,
   the yelling that is so deep hurt my ears till I bleed,
   bit by bit peace by peace those things that once was there,
     seams to drift  away, my mind is hear wounding why every thing is a blur, with these thought
and question that are to blind to see, trying to fight the voice that are in my mind,
  but not know where to hide under it all, I seam to find my hands that is yours and mine,
  fading in the darkness slipping away,
    trying not to let go but theres no way,
     then the power or the earths wind blows like the oceans wives hi and powerful until it reach its  end,
     trying to hold on but know this is good buy its to late in for one last call, off in the wind we find out self floating all alone
                                  baby cakes 2016/8/31

Sitting with nothing left to give
    Holding it all in so nothing will fall.
       Trying not to give up the fight.
         But wanting to loss it all.
             The pain that i have runs to deep that the tears at night i shall not keep.
             Afraid that i will find my self alone, trying not to loss control.
                There a madness that i have inside that is trying so hard to come out and shine.
                  I find my self just sitting hear asking my self why and wanting to run and hind to the other side.
                    Giving up and giving in to the darkness that has it all, but fighting for one last hope.
                          My heart hurts with a pain that runs so deep and my body hurts from all the beatings it takes.
                            Down to my knees i fall yelling up in the dark dark sky
                    trying to find some kind of light,
                            Holding on to all those nights where you kept me save and warm, wrap up in your arms where you wont let go.
               Telling me that you will keep me save nothing to worry about as i fall asleep.
             waking up next too you just knowing i will make it tho. another lost dream that i wish i never had but still hear sitting and holding on to you.
                                                            ­               Baby Cakes 8/22/2016

Alone in the the world where there no one around.
   The wind is so different now the sun no longer rises but it falls from the sky.
     The moon is darken with mist of light shining from not down but up.      Everything seam to no be the same like it once was.
       There seam to be something that is pulling me in to a place that i have never seen before I am yelling for help but there is no words that are coming out.
    I turn to get up but I am locked in place.
         My heart seam to be rip apart just there laying on the table next to me, there are no more tear as my body seam to be fading.
            The hands of darkens are pulling me in I soon find myself unable to breath.
       As I only have one blink to blink I can only see my life no long just.  Then I close my eyes to say good by, I wake up from a nightmare I dream at night.
        Baby Cakes 2016