I spy with my little eye,
lovers, fools, so blind,
to think that they know each other completely,
to think that they understand each other well,
to think that they adore them for them,
not for their kind words,
not for their sweet gifts,
not for their warm embrace,
nor their false confessions of masked lust.
For is that not what this love is,
a silly reality twister,
a drug giving you the highest high?
Ah, not without consequences;
seen when true nature creeps out,
when an argument turns to a grudge,
when trust crumbles and shatters,
over unknown information.
I refuse to take a dosage of this poison,
I see clearly and wish to remain with sight,
so perhaps some day I can indulge,
when I can have my love and see it too.

It's one of those moments when
my eyes hurt from crying
with my entire heart and soul
for everything you've done for me

It's of those times when
every thing is important
from the smallest detail
to the deepest thought

It's one of those car ride when
I want time to stop
and allow me the eternity needed
to tell my friends how much I love them

It's one of those group of guys
that know me better than anyone.
Each and every man, I could call upon
at a moment's notice: they would be there

But I hope for more than this,
In the midst of this blissful perfection
I hope this isn't the end,
but the start of a wonderful beginning.

And I hope that this one moment,
this one time, this one car ride,
this one group of guys,
is never forgotten, never left behind.

I hope this all becomes
more than anyone thought possible

I hope this moment becomes a state of mind.
I hope this one time becomes a lifetime.
I hope this one car ride becomes an everlasting roller-coaster.
I hope this group becomes all humanity.

Now we're laughing, now we're crying,
and I believe heaven looks a lot like this.

Now we're called, now we're beckoned,
to bring heaven down to earth,
Time and time again.

If Love is like a River,
I hope one day,
we flow into the Ocean,
merging together as one.

And though we still have questions,
and we all still have problems,
and of course, we're still imperfect,
Hope endures within us all.

For Love is the goal,
the sea we all seek,
and it is a daily decision,
our own personal river.

And right now, the sea
looks so close, but so far away.
But one thing I know for sure,
is the Love in this moment.

Now don't ever let it go.

No one to run to, no one to talk to
No one to call, no one at all
Separated from the world
Isolated from family
Departed from friends
Same routine of the Lonely life again...and again
When times of struggle
When times of stress
When times of pain
Lonesome soul moving through the rain
Nothing different its always the same
Same routine of the lonely life again...and again
Awakened to the silence day after day
The sound of speech is so inside deep
Unfamiliar with words, not even a peep
Foreign sounds to the ear
Lying down in deep despair
Same routine of the lonely life again...and again
Come to realize this horrid lifestyle
The one that's been here for quite a while
The one that brings no sort of smile
The one that cause the pain and suffering
The one that's the blame for that low self esteem
For the weather outside has never been seen
Afraid the world might seem too mean
No one to call best friend, let alone any friend
Everyday is the same question: "When will this end"
Days, weeks, years gone by and yet its still the same
Until one day there was a cease to this pain
Suddenly swerved onto a different lane
Realizing the previous lifestyle was nothing to gain
Mentality transformed
Its time for change
Happiness is restored into life
Even though it required some sacrifice
Smiles, smiles from left and right
Those lonely tears no longer in sight
This lifestyle has been shifted into the light
The world of darkness has ceased to occur
For joy has regained his spot, I'm sure
No more times of struggle
No more times of stress
No more times of pain
the sunshine has dried up all the rain
The same routine of that lonely lifestyle
Never, never again!

This is heaven?
It rains here everyday.
Some believe it’s to wash away sin,
But I know better.
It’s because you’re not here.
It’s because I have to spend forever watching you,
Loving you,
Wanting you,
Needing you,
But never touching you.
I want to hold you.
I want to run my fingers through your hair,
I want to memorize your face and know your thoughts.
I miss the feel of your head on my shoulder and you lips in my hair.
I miss your arms around my waist and your hand in mine.
My God it hurts.
I cry here. Daily.
I sob from my love for you and how unfair it is.
It’s not fair!
I can see you are hurting and I can’t stop the pain.
Oh my God I hate it here.
I would rather burn in flames to spend a single day with you than quietly sit in the cleansing rain.
No, not cleansing, I know better.
I’m causing the rain.
So know when you’re caught in the rain it’s me holding you at night.
It’s my hand through your hair and my lips on your cheek.
It’s me showing you what I can no longer say to you.
These are the words he found on a folded sheet
As he was walking the street where he was last with her.
Anger still flares in him when he thinks of the crash.
How dare she leave him like that!
They were both hit by the living ***** driving that car,
But she was the one that had to go.
Why not he?
On the side of the road, a cross marks her last breath.
Her name is forever carved in the aging wood.
In front of the cross like a welcome mat was her folded goodbye.
He screamed at the note and cursed the author.
Despite what he wanted, he could not bring himself to tear the sheet.
Weeks went by without a sign from her again.
Everyday he would check his cross for another word.
On the day of her 20th year, he went the place where she lay.
Kneeling before the flowers that lay in the wake of mourners past, he beat the ground.
Screaming in rage, his ****** fists dented the grassy bed.
Soon, rage turned to pain,
Screams turned to tears,
Fists of grass turned to fists pulling hair by the roots.
Hours passed before he noticed the liquid ice pounding on his back.
Jumping to his feet he screamed at the clouds.
The rain mixed with his tears.
Quietly, the words “it rains here” entered his mind,
Gaining volume, he remembered the letter he found.
He pulled it from his pocket with a shaky breath.
In the wind he could almost hear her saying “it’s my hand in your hair and it’s my lips on your cheek”
Tears filled his eyes as the wind began to pick up, sounding like breathing lungs.
He could feel it with every cell in his body as it chilled him to his bones.
Softly and cold as ice, he could feel her lips on his cheek.
Looking everywhere for the face of his love, he saw a note on her grave.
Slowly sinking to his knees, he read:
Let go of me now,
It no longer rains here.
It will never be fair, but our anger will not bring me back.
I still miss my head on your lap when we read in the sun
And the sound of your voice as you sang to me.
I will never forget the way your hair looked in the sun or how your eyes would shine with love.
I will love you till the end of times, and then I will love you after that.
From this moment on, my hands are no longer the rain, nor are my lips cold.
From this moment on, I will be in every smile you smile or see.
I will be in every happy thought and I will comfort you when they are sad.
My hands are the wind through your hair and my lips are the sun on your skin.
Let my love for you outweigh your fears
And know that one day,
I will see you again.

You do this thing
Where you look at the side of my face
Or some other random part of my flesh
When I am speaking

I know you are listening
And if I catch you
You look away sheepishly

At first
I thought you to be socially awkward
But then I became extremely self conscious
"Do I have a blemish?"

Then it occurred to me
That you were doing the same thing I always do
Taking a person in

You were memorizing every part of me
And branding it into your mind

And in this moment
You transformed in front of my eyes
And your insides seemed to spill out in front of me

I understood you
and accepted you
and you were beautifully ignorant
To all of this occurring right before you

And that made the realization all the more enchanting

I hurt you.

You are in pain.

It is my fault.

The pain of these truths rings in my ears
Makes me sick to my stomach
I cry to myself
All day and all night
I can't help it
I cannot stop
Wallowing in a depression that seems impossible to escape
And yet

It is I who hurt you
I who caused you pain
Me
What rite do I have to be upset?

I love you

Your pain
Is my pain
When you hurt
I hurt

And this unbearable misery,
Self inflicted tribulation,
Is amplified for it comes from me
I am the wicked one who afflicted you with grief
I
The one who is meant to love you
How contradictory
To hurt someone you love
Someone who is your world and your everything

Why?
How?

It was not my intent
But it was the result of my actions none the less
Therefore, my curse
Tho you may forgive me
God willing
For you love me
I cannot forgive myself
For I do not love myself
How could I?
I caused tears to drip down your face and sobs to escape your throat
My enemy has hurt my love
And that enemy is
I

I love you
I need you
I hurt you

I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry

I am so sorry