Forgetting used to be such an easy thing
When you were 5 and the world was new
A balloon in your hand and light in your eyes
Letting go seemed so impossible
But you would watch as it drifted away
Onto new worlds and new hands
Never to be thought of again

Forgetting used to be such an easy thing
But now its 15 years later and I keep balloons
Store them under my bed to collect dust
Because I couldn't just let them fly away
Would it mean they didn't happen?
Would it mean I didn't care?
Were those balloons all just in my head?

Forgetting used to be such an easy thing
But now I need evidence or I fear,
I fear it'll have all just been in my head.

I have lived my life in muted tones,
In dark shadows and shady corners,
But now I walk through shining lights,
Armed with a thick skin and a new mind,
Now I feel and see and live and breathe,
But even when it still hurts and aches and stings,
I know that this light,
This new warm and suffocating light,
Is a thousand miles from that dark.

I do not want to write,
Flowing, beautiful metaphors,
To describe this pain,
I want to shout from the hills,
And scream from the caves,
Bitter words of pain,
I want to rid myself,
of this dark cloud,
of this deep ache,
of this dreaded curse.

the boy was skipping rocks below
the girl she sat and watched aglow
she knew the danger of her heart
to fall was indeed to fall apart

but he took her by the trusting hand
and walked her to the golden sand
she gave him all that she could give
but what a life that boy could live

one heart was not enough for him
not even one full to brim
that boy he broke her just for fun
but to her that boy was like the sun

now she walks with within the dark
her heart of summer now lay stark
she knew the danger of her heart
to fall was indeed to fall apart

Her petals may be bright,
But they are tainted by man,
Her stem is strong,
But boots can crush,
Straining towards the light,
But forever in her shadow,
Never graced by fingertips,
Picked to personify love,
Few may admire the colour,
Fewer the curve,
But she will endure,

She must.

I have no care,
For poetic flare,
Just get me the ****,
Out of here.

Emotionally pushed, off the metaphorical cliff.

I always thought,
That we were inevitable,
But Adam and Eve,
Is a story older than time,
And who am I,
To re-write history.

I never had you
Yet I lost you

I will never have you
Yet I still want you

i regret every word
that i have ever said
except the ones
that made you smile.

I wanted to drown
in rivers of poison
but i found myself
drowning in hands
a boy
who doesn't know me
his hands were drugs
to my body
but not to my broken
beaten heart

i tried to write down
exactly how i felt
to explain out loud
why i am in pieces
because you had asked me
once again
to open myself up
and spill myself out
onto unwilling hands
but the words don't exist
and the page will remain blank
just like my heart
and just like my head

One day the words won't drown me,
The hands won't claw at my chest,
My heart won't fall and shatter,
My fists won't break and bleed,

But the words are pulling me under
And those hands are carving canyons,
My heart is in pieces around me,
My fists are ruined running red.

*******
For how you made me feel
*******
For pretending I wasn't there
*******
For everything
*******
*******
*******

You love me with the flame of a candle and I love you with the strength of a bonfire.

It's time I stopped burning my fingers.

One day I will be
All grown up and ready
And good enough
So that the next time
I won't get hurt
I'll get loved.

You will fall
And it will hurt
But you should learn
To pick yourself up
And realise
That the pain
And the torture
Does not mean
That he loves you
Only that he
Doesn't care enough
To realise your worth.

We are all broken things
But I think it's time
That I stop waiting to be fixed
And start to see the beauty
In my shattered pieces
And then maybe one day
I won't be broken
I'll be a mosaic.

My mother used to hold her breath
Whenever she walked past smoke
So I would also follow suit
Whispering about bad habits
And promise to never be that way
So I wonder if she knew me now
Would she notice that when I walk past
I no longer hold my breath
But I gasp for that smoke to fill my lungs
And clear all the cobwebs away.

My medicine comes at £4.69
And is highly recommended
From the men on the streets

i have this great space inside my chest
and i fill it with whatever i can find
but eventually it all falls away
and that empty space leaves a weight
i can claw and scratch and punch that space
but the weight never leaves

you were the best thing
that i ever filled that space with
but you too are falling away
and i can feel that weight returning
and it's crushing me like it's never done before.

i feel sick to my stomach
at the thought
that i have put my mental stability
into the hands of someone else.

i feel sick to my stomach
at the thought
that i have put so much trust
into the hands of someone else.

i feel sick to my stomach
at the thought
that i can't go 14 hours without you

but i feel butterflies
at the thought
that i don't want to.

there is a war inside my head,
in the very darkest parts,
but instead of gunfire,
the soldiers shoot doubts,
that ricochet behind my eyes,
and i'm beginning to worry,
i'll never be able to drown them out.

the unwritten words used to flow through my mind,
they would splash and twist and wind and roll,
carving great canyons behind my eyes,
but now the unwritten river runs dry,
and i fear this drought will never end.

when life gives you lemons, bring out the tequila shots.

my hand aches
my heart aches
my head aches
my body aches

but you take it all away

with kind words
and kind arms
and kind kisses
and kind eyes

and i'll be forever grateful.

there's something about 3am
when i'm walking home alone
and my clothes still smell like you
that lets me find peace

there's something about 3:15am
when i'm standing in front of the mirror
and those clothes are on the floor
that breaks my heart

there's something about 3:45am
when i'm lying in bed alone
and nothing smells like you
that makes me long for 3am