When you read my book and you find your name between the cracks
Of all my words and promises
Please do not think you’re in the acknowledgments
Know that none of my tears were yours to dry
They washed my skin and healed my wounds
That every time I’ve spilled my guts to strangers
They've all promised that there is a world of where you exist
But you’re not at the centre
And they were right  
I watched you walk away but this time I didn’t cry
Because after all the years I’ve spent invested in a love that is one sided  
I finally found myself in the reflection of your glass walls
I put my clothes back on and I left
It took me five years to see right through you
And you didn’t do a **** thing to get me here

The final moments we shared
Together but alone
In all of our vulnerability
There was traces of lies
The weakest you are is the strongest I am
To call me beautiful
With a curled tongue
And clenched teeth
Even when you’re gentle
Your hands have cracks
Lie to me with pursed lips
Kiss down my spine
Until my back curves like the country roads
On the way to your fathers

Mother says that when two crows mate for life
They are blinded by love
There is no temptation
They can recall it all and despite them all looking the same
Once two crows fall in love  
They are completely different
Swollen with full tummies
And shaken feathers cleansed by their partners mouth
Bringing each other small gifts of silver

Once I drove past two crows on the side of a busy highway
One lay lifeless in a shallow grave of gravel
The other
Pacing back and forth away from cars
But immediately returning to tempt fate
To **** two birds with one careless driver
Yet even in death they did not part
At least not fast enough to prove my mother wrong

I opened my mouth with confidence
For years preaching that we are the only permanent homes we have
When disasters strike
When the ground shakes
When all four walls fall down
We are left naked in our own skin
Soft tissue to protect us from catastrophe
I've been learning that I am a liar
Have you ever been broken to the core
I watched you close the door and the frame fell
I am not that same girl
Not anymore
I hear the same birds but they no longer cry in the wind
They’re singing
I jump up and down barefoot in the mud
But now the ground breaks under my feet
Now I am the disease
The natural disaster
I will burn down every house
And rebuild them with my own hands if I choose
The grass will always be greener on my side
There is no key and no temple
No permanent home
I am not a safe place to reside when you feel alone

We stayed up late again
Picking fruit from tall trees
The year was 2015
Taste testing togethers sweeter memories
Pretending I was not laying beside a body of another sleeping man
You say this is the longest we've been apart
And you are so hungry for more
You promise you have not seen her for over a month as if I don't understand the ripening process
The growth of loneliness
Leaving bruises from craving someone who isn't there when you need them
Fruit flies offering temporary intimacy
You asked if I remembered drinking orange juice together at 4am
I told you that every time I pull back the peel to sink my teeth into the skin of the pith
I taste your cracked lips
I **** on the seeds and spit them out
Forgetting the bad parts

My body has a natural pull to answer your beckoning
We are two children mirroring each other in public school gym class
You have always been A
I have always been B
She will always be C

I wear the sweater you slipped over my head after *** but now I wear it because it looks good on me with a pair of leggings.
It doesn’t smell like you, it smells like me.
If someone compliments it, I tell them how comfortable it is and that I got it from the men’s section at Old Navy.