You always told me you’d die young
You wore it as a gold medal for fast living
After we broke up I started having these vivid nightmares
Screaming night terrors of me running through a hospital
The cautious eyes of your grieving companions
Standing in the back of a funeral home was the first time that I met your sister
They say in a life or death situation
That the entirety of your existence flashes right before your eyes
But when it happened to me
It was just you there
The night I decided to not speak to you anymore
I dreamt of every good moment we’d ever had together
From two kids kissing in the back of your first car
To two adults making love on the balcony of your first condo
I need you to know I’ve laid us to rest
And eventually I’ll be at peace with that

Lately I have been unapologetically killing every spider that I can find
I do this because I know that you love it when it rains
I thought I was never really one to believe in wives tales
But you spent the last four years whispering tales
That one day you were going to make me your wife
And I believed every ******* word
So I keep killing these spiders
Hoping that when it rains you sit outside and you listen when it tells you that you made mistake
Prying that when it drips on your shoulders and rolls down the back of your arms
that the universe will return and tell me all about it

I’ve decided to quit smoking
So I stop searching for fire from strangers
When I’m craving the taste of your lips


R.M

For the longest time I was unsure on how to pronounce words
When you weren't the person listening
It’s just we’ve been playing tag longer than the sun has been chasing the moon
Searching the universe for her partner to sooth her to sleep
I’ve been sitting under the grapefruit trees carving our initials into chipped wood
Waiting for your return
Thinking maybe this time
you’ll choose me to swallow up
Instead of composting me
Knowing I’ll bloom for you all over again
I’ve been flopped on my back underneath you
exposing my soft feminine underbelly
For far too long
Pet me and tell me I’m a good girl
Like a dog basking in the sun
Waiting on the porch for you to come home
Howling to the moon
All the lights have gone out
Yet I stayed put for all that time
Regurgitating grapefruit  
I embodied that unconditional kind of love
But I don’t love you anymore

My mum said that when you’re around
I stop taking care of myself
because I’m too busy taking care of you
Before you left last night you put one last cigarette between my lips
covering the wind
you put your hand against my cheek
to light a small fire between us
I thanked you
as if you hadn’t killed me enough already
My mum was right