raudha

raudha Aug 2013

who

i am not defined by my name,
neither does my name define who i am.

i am not defined by my thoughts,
neither am i defined by my actions.

how do you really know someone,
if one cannot completely,
or are unable to define oneself?
or at least manage themselves for that matter.

raudha Aug 2013

mirror: a reflection

i look in the mirror &
all i see
is a face i know
once cheerful
with a soul so free

all that is left
is her appearance
untouched

but only heaven knows
the emptiness and
creatures inside of me

raudha Aug 2013

eternal

rain is pouring
a stranger awaits
i don't know what i'm up to
but today's the day
that i'll shut off from
everything

you can say i'm a mess
a mess worser than the hair
on my head
because i am
i am a walking catastrophe

life's full of what if's and almosts
i guess i'm just one of them
an eternal drowner of my thoughts
a dead weight
a scribble of god's creation

i don't matter
i cease to exist
it's a revolting pull
a cycle
of madness & me

this poem was originally written in backward handwritting on a piece of paper sometime a month ago

raudha Jul 2013

fear part 1

I fear the most when
you get carried away
by people who
only know your name

raudha Jul 2013

stitch: part 2

come up to me and say that i don’t need to let go of everything that we had because we’re gonna be who we were again

come up to me and say that you’d stay with me as long as i promise not to **** things up

come up to me and like how we first met everyday from that fateful day i asked you that question

come up to me and say “hello there, the angel from my nightmare"

come up to me and say “i miss you too"

come up to me and hug me without saying anything

this was for 'stitch'

raudha Jul 2013

stitch: part 1

feeling down
more than ever
and I need you here with me
but I guess you’re not mine to keep

how ever can I have you back
here with me
I wonder countless times
even in my mistakes but
nothing seems to be happening
not at least from my wildest dreams

if you being happy takes me out
then so be it
because all I long for is
just your happiness
all I can say now to you is
I’m sorry for the things
I’ve done in the past
to you
to us
especially

and there’s nothing more than
regret that’s left within me
and I’ve no rights in anything
I just wish you well in everything

this was written 5 months ago for 'stitch'

raudha Jul 2013

phenomena

the drops when it pours from the mass of clouds
up in the big blue sky
the smell of it all as the heavens cry
you’d pop up into my mind
and you’d linger there for awhile

don’t ask me why it is that way
it’s just a beautiful phenomenon
when tears are brought down
i must say

maybe that’s why you’d appear
every time it showers overhead
because i want you here badly
but all you became was my reverie