For ever distent
That's how I must seem
Never grasping of what you can do for me
But that's not how I am
I am thear when you need me
Just never allow you to know it 
That's how I am
You run in my blood
You are my life 
And you don't know it 
You thank I don't see what you can do
But I know all to well
You grasped my heart the first time I saw you
I can't deny how much you changed my life 
I can't demand for you to understand
My heart
But I ask you to seek the truth of the extent I'm willing to go for you
To see I would end my life just to see that smile
Just to cerest you in my arms
I am nothing more than my love
And my love is you

It approaches 
That's all that matters
It comes ever closer 
With a speed that none are clear of
But none can live with out knowing the result 
Death is coming
And I feel her hands grasping for my neck

I see her coming 
Not a threat 
But a promise from reality
She is hear to make the balance 
Her presents scatters all
But I wait for her 

My life I wish was worth more
But because of my own mind I never allow my self
To clim
To aprouch the heart of my existence

I sat never grasping 
As death Grasp for me
She is hear and it's all my falt
I have allowed my life pass me by
Just let the sand seep though my hand

I have forgotten the reson I'm hear 
Never venturing
Never gaining 
Just waiting for her to come
To clame what is hers

But as she grasp my through she stops
"why do u not fear me"
She said this to my emotionless face
"all Flea befor me and yet you stair at me
As if  You could cair less if I came"

"I do not fear you 
Since I knew you would come
I do not reglet leveling this place
For I got nothing for me"

She grasped my hand 
She looked in my lifeless eyes
Her eyes was not like mine
But the opposite 
Thouse eyes showed me what I missed
The crush I alow to flote by
The people I pushed away
She showed me what could of been

That crush becoming more
Her braking my heart
My frainds pick the peaces up
And me continuing my life

"I will be back one day" 
She said as her eyes reflected what I could be
But not because of you
I will come for what you owe
But not now"

She left me 
My complete oppiset
And I cried 
Hear I am seeing nouthing but love and life
And all I cared about was the death
The heartache

But she grasped the reality of life
Death knowing more of life 
Than the living

The morning after I cleaned my wound 
Life seemed just the same
But I still herd deth in my head
Tell Me to live
And so I did
I coted my wounds with a jacket 
And seeked what I could not see
With out death

Contemplating
That's all I do
The way I am
I estimate the existence of myself
Constantly in thought
Ever wondering
Ever doubting
Never knowing
But always
Guessing
 
To see what I see
You have to be half insane
To understand my mind
You'll have to be out of yours
 
For mine never stops
Reality ever changing
My thoughts morphing
Twisting
 
And me
I'm always changing
New revelation
Every moment of the day
Never staying in one state of mind
Just who I am
 
Day to day
I can be someone new
And you’ll never notice
For I never show it
 
In this reality all you see is a guy
But in mine
I don't even call myself human
I'm some thing more and less
I control my fate
And my fate controls me
I am dragged by my love
And I hold it up
I show my heart
And never die
 
My reality is so much more beautiful
But much more painful
For I get to come back to this reality
Where all my dreams are just that
And I mean nothing more than what I can do
 
Contemplations
That's my reality
That's what drives me
That's what I see
When all is clear
I see questions
Where none exist
This reality is my damnation
And my reality is my redemption

I'm not an idiot
I know I'm gifted 
I know I seem like I don't allow myself to fully grasp my potential 
Say what you wish 
I have a method in my life that has worked
Sell your self short 
But exceed all of your expectations
And when I follow this mindset
I see I'm happy
Is that not what we all are looking for
I just find myself exceeding with simple expectations 
And slowly building my skills 
 
I am not an average kid
I am not the kid that wishes to be more
I am happy
That's all there is
I'm happy 
When I started writing 
I had little to no expectation
All I knew was this simple act made me logical
But look at me now
I'm using this simple tool to not just improve my self worth 
But my projection 
What others see
 
That’s who I am
I don't do something just to exceed
I do it because I want to
When I exceed I do not say 
"I will be better"
But instead I just do
Learn
Progress
Watch something
Of which I had no expectation
To thrive  into a life style
A thing not to be my soul 
But to express it  
Not to define me
But to mold my definition
 
But with me finding things I love
I also see people trying to use my love 
Try to make my love into something more
With these new expectations
It makes it all worse 
Instead of just letting something progress naturally 
And fully
I try to exceed to become what their eyes see
To be what gives them hope
And when I do not meet these expectations
That's when I tell myself I've failed
When I say, "just go back, 
Go back to what made you happy"
And so I throw all expectation down and regress
Not because I'm scared of progress 
Just that progress isn't what makes me happy
It's the simple process of being
I fall in love with
The present 
If it leads me to a place so be it
But I like to get there my own way
And time

I  dated a guy once
He said I love dating a poet 
They see detail like artists but explain it in a way we can all understand
They see pain and and express it to give hope
They don't deny thair love even if it is wrong

I loved that man and I still do
But a week ago he said 
I can't keep this up 
You see flaws in me that I turn a blind eye to
You make it all seem fine when there is nothing as such
All I can do is be my self but you make me seem more and less all at once
He has not talked to me since

I can't say if it is my fault
But if I can see, should I be to blame
 all ofl his imperfections that he saw in himself 
I only saw the truth
The truth that he is
The truth that no body else was him
But who am to say these things even if I see them 
Even if I still love him 
It pains me now to look backwards and know all I said I would not take back
Maybe I'm stubborn or selfish but I love him too much to not say my mind 
He is as great as I say even if he won't say it in turn

I do not pity him for not seeing himself as he is 
 I just wished he could see who I am
A man who always wanting to meet a standard
A man who never found a standard
The boy who wished for love 
And doubted it would ever come 
The person who finally found what he was looking for and loved what he found
But none of that mattered anymore
I lost my love 

 I'm not so naive to say he was my last
Hell no! He's not that **** special  
I will go out again with my knowledge and not wait but look for some one else
Someone that I once thought was impossible to find 
To seek the happiness I sought 
because I had it once and lost it
And I need to let out my feelings that I once kept to my self
If I could talk to him one last time I would not say I loved him 
I would not say I hate him but I would thank him
Thank him for the experience
And for his truth and give him this poem and say you made me better 
 you are not me, and I am not you. I will alwase live with you in my heart 
But I won't let that shackle me down. I am not the man that fell in love with you 
I am better 
I will never be the same