The love and terror of this path through life,
creates an action within me to gain traction,
so I trudge what feels like forward,
toward whatever is calling,
I say babbling prayers to keep from falling,
yet I stumble and trip,
and to keep upright I reach out to grip,
the most consistent thing in this persistent dream;
pleasurable and lustful things...
but the consistency is my lie,
so I curse my dreaming,
though the feeling is fleeting and treacherous,
all I want is to say **** Everything And Run,
and then I am overcome by which way to flee,
then I fall...

...and the only one I have to blame, is me.

I wish that there was someone..
anyone for me to call..
on my phone of lonely hope..
so I could connect with..
relate in depth with..
another person..
because this sting..
this pain of being alone..
hurts me deep down in my soul..

I feel your broken loneliness
in the sadness that I see
drifting past each moment
in your boat of memories
I sense a rooted worthlessness
someone said and you agreed
you search for love in places
impossible to find it seems
fear and doubt the harness
self hate their wild steed
a horse that is quite harmless
unless it feeds on insecurities
so let go and be blessed
include you in your empathy
in the hope of finding timelessness
self forgiveness holds the key

Nn

"A dreamy fantasy of you,
the kind that could never be true,
to let you know, I would not dare,
with you, I would not have a prayer,
so in the background, I am there,
I'm not a creep, I do not stare,
I think about a love that's rare,
I'm gladly in your treading air,
your mind, amazing, mine, askew
wish I, those eyes, could gaze into"

I always fall in love with the ones
who are trying to destroy themselves

so... I've been trying too hard
I play the intellectual card
my poetry *****
who gives a ****
I'm just another 'smart' ******

I walked into a love story that was still in bloom
Sure it might have had quite a few pages ripped and some tear drops on the binding
But all in all the story was beautiful
It was about two people that have had their ups and downs
But never stopped loving each other
There were moments that they will never forget that were gut wrenching
But their were also moments that made them feel alive
The past hurts but the future for these two only time will tell.  
I pray that they find the right combination and the right foundation to build their love to the sky
I am in love w him but he loves her.
I won't ever regret my choice to love him bc he makes the world open up and makes my spirit want to dance
She will get to lay down with him as he holds her tight at night
I'll continue to pray as they go forth in this journey that they stay safe and keep each other alive
Bc no matter what I want I want them to live to the fullest and love w no conditions.
I will always wish he loved me the way he loves her but that is not how this story is going to go.

Look, I can see what you go through… No, I can’t feel it, but I can see it, and I empathize.. putting myself in your shoes. They hurt my feet, so I’ll get in my knees, and pray for God to make your road easier.

123, 123 think
I'm on the brink of dear life
Past, present, and future strife
There always exists the shame
Even when I am not to blame
Tomorrow doesn't exist for me
And I am not holding onto tonight
I'm holding on to being free
Figuring out love and it source of light
learning how to love someone like me

What is right and wrong? Relative to a situation? Or does it depend on how beautifully you sing the song.. Every story has two sides..

faith in truth outside of fear
let go the vessel no longer steer
accepting being
trusting feeling
free will becomes divinely clear

Loose leaf paper to hold my anger, more dead trees to harbor my insanity.. these are necessary accessories in this fodder we call life, so transparent and so lifeless, yet called so anyhow... who are we as a collective? What do we value? Peace and security. We want everything and nothing to change, all at once. We cannot maintain as we try to contain our emotions through each day to suffocate the masses into submission, to get them to believe who we think we are.. when there’s only one difference.. it is not color or race, or financial grace, or religion or intention, or a suicidal pace, it is all about how we accept those that are seemingly different, in each of us is a demon who tells us lies about the other guys, and I’m tired of the reasoning so Illuminati just please **** me or leave me alone this is all on my own from what I have seen and felt it’s obscene, and I want to believe...

These spiders keep crawling inside of my head.
They're weaving weary lies up into their web.
My soul begins screaming...
My heart it is bleeding...
Their invasion of fear snares me full of dread.

I would like to tell you a story...

There exists a man.

He lives his life soulfully.
He has been called many things,
but he prefers to be referred to as a dreamer.

His heart he wears,
not so subtly,
on the tops of his sleeves,
for the whole world to see.

Though what he hopes to wear is a rarity,
something incomprehensible,
in this here reality.

His reverie is a complexity,
that those who are meaner might see,
as paradoxical insanity.

But he does not mind...

For he is chosen to hear a melody
of silent divinity,
that speaks volumes to his soul,
mystically whispering a hymn of

'everything is more than it seems.'

Unfortunately, there is a catch;
a web of illusion and fear...
and it is here he forgets,
the beat of that singing,
and falls back to sleep...
walking away from his dreams.

But then, an incredible scene;

Out of miraculous calamity,
he once again encounters the Being,
the identical flame,
who gently shakes him awake,
and he begins to recall,
the truest of Love,
and why he was made
and how he can see;

The treasure hidden within all of humanity.

Now in spirit again he sways softly...
In tune with the holiest of melodies.

this pen is flowing ink through its tip
into my notebook of hardship and love
with a rubbery grip so my fingers don't slip
else I'd lose control
as the words flow through me
and become
a part of my soul

my body is creating poems through its hand
for the lost and broken brethren
where faith in Love is the rubbery grip
so the Spirit of Flow may take control
through these words as
they become
the art of my soul

We are like a flower.

The seed stomped into the ground.
Our fertilizer is full of ****.
With some water to drown.
Yet we sprout, reaching for the heavens.

Then some ******* comes along with a lawnmower.

I might just do it
this idea I've been toying with
I'm tired and weak
I can't stop drinking
It's more than embarrassing
It's uniquely obscene
Who will I hurt next?
I need some relief
death seems comforting
so sick of my disease
I can't handle my thoughts
or the love that I seek
I'm missing me
hurt them once and for all
it's better then years that they weep
and then..
we all can get some sleep

energy swirling in random spirals
chaos humming in the vast unseen
do you feel the spiritual revival
loosening the grip of the illusion machine
one more night then a moon so bright
a fruition of lessons the soul elected
allowing intuition to regain its light
truth as taught by the One resurrected

I truly felt in tune when the music of me and you began to play, whisking me away to dance our fevered Waltz in the ballroom of I don't care what happens! This feels too great right now to let the fear do any needless hating...

...then all of a sudden the tempo, it raises the pace of us faster and faster, so we spin and we spin ...

...punch drunk dizzy with drunken punches to the soul, we did what I think we both knew we would do...

...out of breath with smoker's coughs ringing their alarms, we fall down hard...

But guess what, here's the thing.

Yes, we both did epically stage-dive and break our ******* legs...

But we also said **** that, we're ******* rockstars on the stage of this ****** up concert called life and love!

Let's help each other climb back up, with two good legs between us, leaning on what we also both know:

There's still more songs to be sung!

Once, I had a dream...

I was at the bus station...
and I was looking for someone...
and I could sense them...
I knew that they were near...

A familiarity that felt like coming home.

The world around me was in black and white and gray, and through the crowd I saw a flicker of blue light, a spark like electricity that drew me in as if I were a magnet, and I moved closer as this forced moved away, leading me to a space devoid of other souls, and she sat down with her back against a wall. I approached in relief and took my seat next to her and grabbed onto her held out hand.

Her hair was blue like fire and very long, surrounding her shoulders and framing her beautiful face which glowed like a diamond bursting with a soft pink light… her eyes piercing me with a sparkling emerald green, the depth of them seemingly endless.

She smiles a knowing smile at me as she closes her eyes in great relief, and sighs deeply as she squeezes my hand. I felt like I hadn’t seen her in forever, even though we’ve never met on this plane of existence.

I peer down at our hands and realize for the first time that I’m glowing, too, and that our colored glows are different colors, hers blue and mine red, but as we sit and connect the colors blend... and become a deep purple, pulsating and growing outward in swirls surrounding us, protecting us as we sit, leaning in closer to each other, her eyes now open again and drawing me in…

...and as our lips get closer there is a crackling sound, and pure energy fills the small space between them like the points of a taser, and when I press into her lips with mine there is a sound like the stoppage of time, and I hear our hearts beating in unison and nothing else…

…and we kiss until we both begin to vibrate faster and faster, embracing one another as tight as we can until our light and our energy becomes a blinding display of pure love and power, finally exploding and shattering the physical world around us into oblivion...

...and we are suspended in space surrounded by countless points of our light like fireflies, our energy expanded into a brilliant array of tiny little infinite universes… and she pulls her lips off of mine and gazes deep into my eyes again and says…

“Welcome home, my long lost friend.”

here comes the 'cutter'?
where did compassion go?
are you ******* ******?
how can you just label a human soul?

you mock and you tease,
what used to be haircuts,
is now a 'help me' plea,
now I'm sick to my gut

have you ever used your brain?
you god ****** apes with ego trips,
for something other than self gain?
you've nothing but pride upon your lips...

Burning cold shivers in my shoulders and neck,
the grip of lust toward death drags me downward,
only small breaths escape my chest, through clenched teeth I can hardly breathe,
I'm shaking internally...
Please don't look me in the eyes,
because they're crying,
yes I know they're dry,
as I try to hide the fear and sheer terror I feel of loneliness inside my blindness,
this dark room of lost love,
'I need help!'
I shout cries to the Above without any noise from the shell of who I was,
and though the blood it still runs,
I pray for peace it dries up,
because now I've had enough beatings from this life,
and my heart...
and I can't even pretend to have the strength to start all over again,
so thanks but no thanks,
I'm sorry...
this is the end.

You are not from here.

Scriptures carved in lies, innocents seeking light with pleads then neverminds, hypocrisy blinds the Truth in spite

Transactions decline to pray, so flow those tears from the oceans of your blame and shame, come and wash your guilt away

With flesh and blood we're trained, programmed by pain into acronyms to which we have been chained and tamed

They break our rings and steal our dreams, shackle our souls to shadow beings, addict us to our fears with social puppet strings

In hopes red raindrops paint your wrists, slit to bleed and feed their bliss, they absorb our energy into the unholy negative

We must not dread to kiss the sun, and remember inside that we are enough

Unclasp our fears and escape their mind, that hive of theirs which is subjected to time

Yet you are timeless, O' Light from above, made up of stardust.. with a mission of Love.

"Are heaven and hell just metaphors for inner selves and our peace with each one?"

Over breakfast I suggest this to the other which is not the one that feeds

this feels so surreal
stuck in this hell still
this song I hate that's on repeat
so tired of the beat
listening alone
tired of believing others
they tell me they hear
they lie to me
as we slow dance
and I feel them
swaying out of tune
then I lie to me
hopelessly clinging on
hoping if I take the lead
maybe then they'll hear my song
and learn to love me
even though I know I'm wrong

the sun kisses my skin
as mud from a star
on a glorious evening night
with the moon not so far
and as I watch the wind flow
gently into my face
I wholly feel within
a pulling toward the notion
that  I would rather be
no other place than where I am
and all I want to do
is be grateful to God
for who I am
beyond being a man  
now as Love manifest
with a golden tan

Beneath my skin, the chamber of my heart walls glistening with reflections from my spirit's flame like a dimly lit chandelier pulsating with power, an electron on the the atoms of God herself... beautifully conscious.

whatever does not love you back
never define yourself by that
for it is the love that you have
that makes you who you are

I must jump in the flowing river
regardless if it makes me shiver
boots and socks and jeans reluctant
it must be done if I'm triumphant
at it's head there's no enlightened spring
just destiny awaiting inside my dreams
though I may drown along the way
I'll never cease to love and pray

light a candle on the run
build yourself for demolition
relapse before you even drug
**** a pale horse with intuition
insecurities and fear,
all clear

**** it all, detach
strike a match!

fight a fire on the sun
change yourself a lifetime mission
relax before you cut the plug
thrill a discourse on disposition
insecurities and fear,
all clear

****!
it's all a trap!

for scores of beings in existence in this lonesome hive as chemically comforted bees with many queens

for slaves who enslave the enslaved in the illusion of time perpetually counting down an esoteric clock of immortality

for dreamers still sleeping and sleepers counting sheep contently humming the sacrificial lullaby while ignoring the world at their feet

Listen to me!

for moloch and for baal and for lucifer and for horus and for baphomet and for satan they have you singing their heretical praises of christianity

controlled by the illuminations of an omnipotent flat screen TV force feeding you expired symbols all moldy with blasphemy

sexualized by the iridescent rainbows of the pedophilic Disney, ****** by Donald Duck in parental apathy

enraged by the deceit of the politically correct who suggest you obsess over unimportance and label obliviously

blamed when your grain burns at 180 degrees as a systematic shaming in the name of psychology

killing our expression by beheading creativity with an adderall laced guillotine

killing our knowledge by slitting the throat of wisdom with a callous false doctrine

killing our happiness by asphyxiating joy with a shopping bag all the while mocking

killing our legacies by ****** communities with the cold hard ***** of corporations

killing our togetherness by drowning human connection in the electrified oceans of a delusiinal social media

killing our faith by infecting our children with the spiritual disease of viral anti-christianity

Holy holy holy!

...the zombified mindset of this somnambulant society

Holy holy holy!

...the ever present sepearation from Love being free

Holy holy holy!

...the sleepwalking lemmings are cursed by their greed...

My heart hears the feeling of
billions of souls screaming,
those unable to wake up
into their dreams...
and inside I know,
that each one of
those trapped and hopeless souls,
are part of me...

If I were Yossarian, I'd sail into the distant sea
I would make a mockery of my plight
I would set sail
I would become me
Water trickles off the roof
The droplets soothe me
And in this moment I do not feel free
What is it that I am trying to escape?
Is it me?
Flowers blooming lovers swooning
set me free

I hate who I am

who am I truly... even spiritually?
because every time I think I'm there,
I peel back another layer,
and again it isn't me...

Even looking at the word ‘imagine’ sparks my imagination.. It feels magical, to create with our minds. We are capable of so much beauty and destruction and Love and fear.. so maybe, we just need to choose to be magical, and imagine our lives as a blessing, to strive towards the giving of ourselves for the sake of others, trusting that God or the Universe or Him or Her has got our backs when they are against a wall, and to believe in angels and signs and prayer and hope.. to focus on things unseen and the green grass, the sunshine, and places called Home.. trusting in friendship and connections and soulsearching Love, and fate that is loosely painted by the brush strokes of our bodies and with the colors of our intentions.. holding on to the knowing that God’s grace is flowing and holding on to us like a
teacher guiding each stroke, some seem so ugly and gross in the moment but.. each one is just part of a wholehearted masterpiece, just waiting to behold.

I hate this feeling of being lonely, yet wanting to be alone at the same time...

...and then questioning myself with this annoying little rhyme...

Is it the comfort of this familiar sadness that drives me to push people away?

I had my choice, and I chose loneliness... I guess I can't complain.

Being sober is like turning into a werewolf there is everything and nothing that scares us because we have seen it all and done it all except accept the pain as spiritual growth and keep on going towards what feels like forever and try and try not to lose hope

I look at the world and I think
oh no not again
history repeats
so I guess I gotta say
keep your head up
spread the love
send a prayer unto it's peeps
before it's done
and you're reaped
and it's set in stone
that you are lying under their feet

have i told you lately that you mean a lot to me? you shook up my world in such a good way, and I would say that I owe you, but I know that your soul was just being who you are. You've saved me out of that hell I was in by simply being my friend when no one else would... I'm still not perfect, and I could still **** it all up, but I no longer want to be dead, and that to me is enough to try and begin again... I hope this make sense, sometimes my heart doesn't quite see, so i just wanted to let you know, how much you truly mean to me.

So somebody asked
me to write about me
and I'm taken aback
by the difficulty

I'm an addict in a rehab
my life has been difficult
and often it stabbed
but I've repaired in the mental

I don't watch TV
and eat mostly green
I focus on the unseen
if you know what I mean

Do people eat broccoli on pizza?
Because it sounds delicious
one topping I like is spinach
and cheese like chester cheetah

Seems you can tell a lot about a person
by what type of foods they have aversions

Ah yes, on to Hockey!
the best of all sports
It's my fav so don't knock me
It's a religion of sorts

Speaking of religion
I feel it causes division
with so many revisions
to each their OWN decision

Some think I'm insane because
I think about the other thing
often wondering what I was
and who I am beyond my thinking

ahhhh... lies. Comfort. cancerous, alcoholic necessity. go **** yourself, and let me watch... I hate me and I hate you more. you're a ***** like me. so will you just die like me...

Love isn't destruction... you have mistaken me for something else. You say unconditional love doesn't exist, while I disagree wholeheartedly. Why can't you open your eyes and see me here right in front of you, with open arms... 

Love isn't sadness... let go of your past, and realize you're so much more than an addict, that if you rise above it, together we can overcome this world...

Love isn't falling... be strong and fight, you must want to help yourself... I want to be with you, but to rescue you I have to set you loose, to show you that I love you, and see if you find your way back home.