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Randi Nichols Jan 2013
Can't you see
I want to scream it at you
All the words are rolling around in my mouth
But I keep swallowing them and it burns
And all i want is you to help me
Because all of this is so maddening
But I can't seem to tell you that I'm losing it
That I need someone to help me, to care
So I just sit here
Pretending that my cuts aren't bleeding
And my mind mind isn't screaming
And that everything is okay
When really everything is wrong
And I am wrong
But to tell you would be inconvenient
Because you are perfect
Randi Nichols Jan 2013
Where do we go from here
Now that we know words are only words
But they hurt as badly as sticks do

And what do we say
Now that the lines have been crossed
And I'm sorry is no longer enough

What do we want
For gold and silver are just metals
And love is just lust all dressed up

And what to we believe
When there are so many flavors of faith
And most of them taste like plastic

Who do we love
For men are much to proud and women too moody
And both leave you with broken souls

And how do we live
In a world where people are giving up
While we let our problems override our compassion
Randi Nichols Jan 2013
I imagine that in another time
You and I said what we meant
Instead of dancing around the feelings
We both possessed

And then we held each other
Knowing how right the wrong could be
Enjoying the cover of the night
And let the morning be

And in this world
Our love is so strong
It outlasts the most wicked storm
And brings a sense of calm

And it makes me happy to think
Two people like you and me
From another place and time
Well, they chose differently
Randi Nichols Jan 2013
You can have my heart
You can break and bend it as you will
But I'll need something in return
I'll need the way your eyes sparkle in the light
And the way you run your hands through your hair when we fight
If you could leave your fingers intertwined with mine
Well, that would be more than fine

You can keep my dreams,
Throw them away  with us
But I want something too
I want the way you feel, flush against skin
And the way you say my name, over and over again
If you could give me your smile upon my lips
Maybe I can live with this

And you can move on
And I'll sit surrounded by the pieces you left me
Spending my time thinking about what should be
And you will find your second and third someone new
But I'll be happy here if you leave me the memories of you
Randi Nichols Jan 2013
Where are you, Love
I have looked for you for oh, so long
Searching crowded rooms
Peeking down aisles at the store
Knowing it was all in vain

I tried to replace you, but it's not the same.
But I try anyway.
Between nameless faces and ***** sheets
To love and lust and back again

Never once did it help, but I just couldn't stop
I searched for you  from high to low
Down on my knees I sought you out
But bruises were were all I received

But I could not find you, not at all
You weren't in his eyes
Nor were you on his tongue
But I let them have me anyway

I sent out search parties in your name
But they had nothing to show
We looked for you each night and day
But when we'd get close, you'd leave

But today I realized, that I will not find you
For you are  far too gone
I will never know your love
And you will never know me

Now who is more at loss, you ask
Whose cross is heavier to hold
It's not an answer I can give
For half the story I don't know

I may have wasted precious time
Looking for love you stole
But I found friends along the way
And you are all alone
Randi Nichols Jan 2013
"Old man, please listen to my tale
   for someone needs to hear
The store of a girl with lies so dark
    and oh so many fears.

Old man this is important
    not just to me but to you.
I know you don't understand
    but trust me you will soon.

You is started with broken homes,
    which leads to single lives.
And judges and courts and child support,
    well, you knows as well as I.

The woman, she had a temper,
    and her fists and words did fly.
But she did her best with what she had,
   Boy did she try.

To fill the shoes that were much to big,
    when her feet were much too small.
Her frustration needed venting,
    call me the punching wall."

"Well little girl where was your dad,"
     he tenderly said to me.
"Well old man, I couldn't tell you,
    but maybe you could tell me."

A puzzled look did grace his face
    his features stiff and tall
So finally I asked the man
    "Do you recognize this at all?"

And I held out a picture of a babe,
    fresh from her mothers womb.
And a sign saying "Dear daddy,
    please come home from war soon"

"The war has messed me up dear child,
     for I am no one's dad."
I smiled as I said to him,
   "I know sir, I understand.

But you can't blame this on the war
   for we did meet again
Because I used to visit
   until you left to follow another ***** hen."

A knowing look graced his face,
    as he remembered me.
"Dear child I am sorry,
      I should have remembered thee."

"Oh it's okay old man," I say,
     "I just wanted you to know.
I have a husband now you see,
     and a family of my own

My husband, he adores the kids,
    of which there are two.
A little boy and girl, 7 and 9
    neither of which know of you.

One day I'll tell them of a man
    who had more important things to do
And then I'll point to my husband and say
   ' I didn't have a daddy like you'

And no amount of words,
   will change what is our past.
I do not seek apologies,
   I only needed to ask.

If when you go to bed at night,
   you ever think of me.
Do you ever think what you've lost,
   or did you just believe,

That we were better off alone
    and that I'd be alright.
Or were you just to busy,
    to think of me at night.

Did you remember,
   if my eyes were brown or blue.
Did ever wonder,
   If I looked like you."

"But little girl you didn't ask
    any of those today
I can answer all sufficiently
   and help you find your way."

"Old many I didn't need to ask,
     to get the answers that I seek.
For when you did not recognize
   your smile or your cheeks,

I knew that you were fine without me,
     and your reasons for being gone,
Were that you were much to busy,
     to bring a kid a long.

And I know that you don't miss me,
    for when my husband's away,
He drops down to his knees at the door,
   longing to hug his kids all day.

You did no such thing right here,
   and now I know the truth.
You were much to selfish,
   Who would need a man like you.

But before I leave, you should know,
   that I was never okay.
I always blamed myself,
   for why you didn't stay.

But thank you for the answers,
   and maybe I'll sleep tonight.
Knowing it wasn't me, but you,
   that was too weak to fight.

I'll take comfort in knowing it wasn't me,
   that pushed your love away.
You had no spare love to give,
   so I'm glad you didn't stay.

So I hope that you are happy,
   and I hope the world is kind and true.
For I am finally okay,
   knowing it was always you.
Randi Nichols Jan 2013
I am the blood in my veins
I am the beat of my heart
I am the bones under my skin
And I need to see what I am

So I watch as the blood fills the bath
And I feel the beating of my heart for the first time.
And I open my skin to see the whites of my bones
And I not only touch, but feel everything

And now that I know what I am
I am gone.
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