It's funny how easy it is to do what's forbidden.
I care not for following guidelines and rules anymore.
So what if I'm ruining my life?

I shan't hold you accountable, don't worry your head about it. I've gotten a taste for self-exploration and for the freedom to do it.
No amount of your sickly sweet lectures will wash it away.

Tell me I'm wrong, see if I care.
I'll respond same as tonight-
With an open window and an empty bed.

Smother me with your lies;
I'll unveil the blinding truth
In the midst of all you dared deceive.

Shackle me with your idealism;
I'll expose the true confinement
That lies beneath sweet words.

Stab me with your fake love;
I will pierce the illusions of society
With your own barbed heart- for though
Your title comes under caretaker,
I've lived my life knowing you
Would be my undertaker.

Self pity is quite..
Irksome.
I know I'm being a downer,
But it's too hard not to be.
So I just end up being
that person.

You know the type;
The avoided, annoyingly sad
Person;
The person that knows exactly
How to **** the enjoyment
Out of others' lives.

It's as if unconsciously
I want everyone to feel as I do,
But trust me, I don't do it on
Purpose. I don't want to be
The downer any longer.

I want to be the life of the party.
The crazy and happy and witty person.
The one people like and enjoy.
Not the one that repels all these traits.

I promise, I've been trying
To be fun and sassy,
Open and playful,
Quirky yet Majestic-
But right now it all feels like an act.
Make believe, unreal, fake.

So I guess I'm stuck;
And in lieu of this, I cordially
Invite all those present to
My Pity Party.

I'm so done.

I cannot be perfect,
I was never smart.
I don't even scratch the term
intelligent.
Never mind me being
talented
or of any worth.
It's not self-pity,
It's self awareness.