jasper, come home.
not only because i love your smile
not only because you smell like rain and cedar trees
not only because the way you hold me feels like himininn
not only because when you sing songs softly to me my ears rejoice
not only because i haven't hugged your body in nine whole days
not only because the things you say make me feel secure
not only because i enjoy your company in the woods
not only because swimming is less scary with you
not only because you make me feel like gold
but because when i need someone to talk to,
my first choice is you.
you are not judgemental.
you are confidential.
you are caring, respectful, and loyal.
and sometimes i need to cry,
and sometimes i need to laugh,
and though i'm happy for you that you've gone so far this summer,
sometimes i want you to be here.
teleport to the chair next to my bed,
or as i'm painting with the easel you made me,
appear behind me and say something into my ear.
anything. anything.
just please, be near.
I know, I know, sometimes I come off as obsessive and clingy and all those negative things. I mean it in the best way I possibly could. My intentions with my words are 100% positive. I am so proud of him for being a Scout Leader and travelling, and although I don't do those same things, I'm not envious because I've got my own thing going on here on the island. As anyone, I would believe, I am happy for him, but there are still moments where I miss him. I feel strange trying to justify this, because it should be a completely normal thing. I'm not going to sit here and not think of him for two weeks! When I love someone, I think of them often. If I were a witch of some sort, I would cast positive energy into the air directed at the people I love who are apart from me. Heck, I do that anyway.
I'm not crazy and I know it. I'm not breaking down every day because my boyfriend is in the States, either.