filth in the intestines
brutal trails among my spine
****** shivers through my skin
a quivering thought could set me off

Thinking of him
As if there was anything for us to be
There were only miles ahead and missed connections
But he was so effervescent
It was like I was like being raptured in daydreams of him
Even when I was aware his mind included everything but me
My name crossed his mind swiftly
His name was imbedded and I couldn't escape it
Even on days when I felt the furthest away
Missing someone I've never even met
Confusion took up most of my feelings
But hearing him and seeing him be
I couldn't grasp what it was about it
Something entranced me and I drowned in hopes
Maybe he thought of me too

pain could be the worst part
but the ruins left from the storm are what kills
the vacant smiles and sore bones
emptiness in conversation
roaming thoughts
drowned out screams
these are the elements composed to ****

I liked you more than I wanted to admit
The truth felt like lies to my tongue
But my heart knew the feeling too well
Confusion arose through me
As if the small time we had to exchange thoughts could leave a mark
Wondered if my presence was necessary to you
Hoping you'd miss me like I missed you

double edged sword
I know you too well
like the words that pierce my heart
the feeling remains impaled in me
aggressively my soul beams out begging for the end
the end seems far, but the pain is so abrupt
like the words you direct towards me
reminding me of the love that was once there
the love you couldn't be bothered to show
the love you let fade

closed eyes, open mind
tell every cell in my body it isn't real
it didn't happen again
touch isn't real and the vacancy in your body is just a dream
his words didn't cause me to bleed but his touch almost killed me
close your eyes, they wont see
he knew too well, you'd keep mute
they know you well, you'll never say
because he wasn't the first
he just took what was left

teaching me how to disconnect
you kept me from my own thoughts
helped me escape the monsters
yet, forced me to concentrate on you
the way your heart couldn't focus on mine
I watched your eyes lose sight of mine
Tried teaching myself not to love you
But I failed the same way you failed at loving me
So I stayed
Watched you hate the thought of us
Heard you talk about anything but us
As I spent nights thinking about us
The older version
One where two people loved each other
Two against the world
But now its me and the unavailable you