I unravel the mythology.
The narrative laid bare
as crude, exposed anatomy.

A relentless disavowal
of essence.

But discarded truths
Are pages torn
From something incomplete.

What I need
May be among
that parchment
I sent flying.

Toss me another fishy, human!
I'll do a trick for you!

But in those fishy depths
I've got some work to do.

Survival Thriving Dolphin Time
but some day I will meet you

'tween the mystic barrier
of H2O and O2.

(actually it's N2, O2, Ar, CO2)

...and as the dolphin descended
i could sense his withering glance...

Wait come back,
my dolphin friend!
I didn't mean to offend
my knowledge is at ocean level
whose makeup; chemical
is as foreign to me
as you are slip-per-y!
Ack...

I'm never gonna see that dolphin again...

Hey!
I did not mean to startle
       you so clearly armed.

I only wished to say,
“Hey! Hello. Don’t shoot me.
                Do you think it will rain today?"

Though
we are of the
same substance,
the space between
our atoms
can never
be together.

To bridge this void,
I invented meaning,
shouting animal
sounds and symbols.

We press our bodies
to one another,

but this fantasy
is an interpretation
of your movement,

and this dance
is an attempt
to realize
unconscious ideals.

Knowing
or unknowing...
this distance
can never be crossed...

But the void
draws me close.

I think
I’ll still
call this
love.

Why do I only trust _ ?
Metaphor obscures,
Aesthetic dilutes
intent.

In summer’s garden witness:
A brightening twine,
Along with elder brother,
Two bees fighting.

There,
a battle seemed unnatural.

Toiled once in unison,
But here they tousled.
Buzzing.

Hive and Harmony.
Discordant.
Buzzing.

Efferent corbiculae,
Of twelve legs,
Of a thousand eyes.

A brightening twine.
Two bees fighting.

Their
battle is unnatural.

an absence of your presence
is another neural taboo
a place i won't go
i won't wonder where
arcs that electricity
i cut it at the nerve
ending in the place i don't look
but each thought dismissed
is not transcendent
it adds to the heap
i'm not prepared for
grief.

You got a taste as
The teeth sank in.
A Mouthful of guts.
Spitting Ravenous,
Hungry savage.
Chase em with
the noose tied.
Burn a house down
with a family inside.
No escaping this time.

Sparks. Shatter. Glass.
The hateful gather.
Tongues pointed, lusted.

Mob Justice...

Deny. Deny.
A distended death cry.
Woke with the taste of blood,
and never know why.

"Got carried away"
"Just a little mistake."
"A good person, I swear."
"You just had to be there."

"The blood. The blood."
"Was all up in my head"
"You didn't hear what they said."

"Guilt is dispersed."
"You can't blame me."
"I'm just one of the many."

Retract. Retract.
Rejects those facts.
"What you saw was fake."
"We were heroes that day."
"Propaganda, you see."
"What was done unto them,
was done unto me!"

Forgive and Full Pardon.
"We were right! We were right!"
"What fire? What night?"
No screams. No bodies.
No guilt in sight.
No Justice.
No...

Just...

...

My anxiety is furrowed
Too cowardly to stray from the neural trenches I have dug
Dopamine, what have you done!?


Emptiness...
There's nothing like that non-existent void I've never seen.

I'll never be the man I've never--been.

Brain, what am I now?

Sparks. Noise. Entropy.
An engine burning. Dying. Disrepaired.
But a flame still wants to dream!

Emptiness?!
Maybe it's not for me!
Forget who you are or should be!
Be. Be. Be. Be. Be. Be Be be

I will dance in brightness.
Though diffused and overcast,
With scattered rays I fight this
Shadow from my past.

I'll admit that rhyme and meter don't mean too much to me
I like the flow of words without structural integrity
If it rolls off my tongue but lands on deaf ears
Blibbity dibbity doo da dib da diminy
who cares...

Your perception of resistance is your obsession with the other. Let it go.

You cry, "I don't care about what other people think," but you know—

Those thoughts that you resist are the ones you struggle with. So you see.

That foe you're aiming toward is not outside of you. It's in thee.

I am that black hole.

For others,
I wore that mask.
For you,
I thought could
shed for but a moment.


Then the door flung wide.
You fled,
and the void inside
became my whole
Instead

Did you know how much of everything you lack?

Did you know that lonely people are more likely to die?

Did you know that context is entirely subjective?

Did you know that suffering on an innumerable scale is happening, at this very moment, on this very planet, right under our very noses?

Did you know that it's all your fault?

Did you know that no man is an island?

Did you know that family is everything?

Did you know.

Did you know that every joy you feel is a reaction against a cloying despair?

...

Yes  I did but do I?  No.

I do. I do.
I do care.

Though not-doing
is the guilt I bare

My inaction leads
to things undone.

The shame I feel
for things un-won.

Can I be
as I'm perceived?
(The face they see.)

For once, just let me—
please.

...another ideal to be fulfilled.
There is no vessel without intent.
I'm pretty sure a lake holds water.

I shut myself away again
Enrapt in the trapping of
whats, forgots and don't have.
The emergence is anticipated.
Soon a butterfly. Or pupated nymph.
The new me!
Emergent emergency!
Trapped in the smoke
with nowhere to go.
No one to be.
Don't read
Kafka Nietzsche or Dostoyevsky

Reward system's been ******.
Once we had too much.
Now, not enough.
We're gonna need a hard reset.
Definitely not looking forward to that.

I was gunning for
my sovereignty,
but I didn’t see…
(I was searching for that certainty)

I was running to…
But when I get to you,
Will you still know me?
(How long I’ve journeyed.)

Maybe there’s a way / out,
Maybe there’s a home / some/where.
(buried under here).

Maybe there’s a way / out.
Maybe there’s another / dream.
(not a fantasy).

I see that empty space,
but what would I be...
If I let go?
(Id or Ego?)

I'm holding tight to
who I've never been.
Why can't I know...
(...they believe in you.)

Maybe there’s a way / out.
Maybe there’s a home / some/where.
(buried under here).

Maybe there’s a way / out.
Maybe there’s another / dream.
(not a fantasy).

Maybe there’s a way / out / side / of / me.

It happened matter of factly
Exactly as proclaimed to be

Before I had the time to see
I chose the path they chose for me.

Now...
I'm their worst enemy.

Abandon all ye subtext
all them who dare enter there.

They do deserve to be picked apart,
not to be danced around.

Look a Neo-Fascist in the eye
and tell them who they are.

Make them Sieg Heil
as many times as it takes
for them to know
they actually mean it.

Like a little child who
smokes a pack of cigarettes.
They're gonna like it
or *****.

Hello.
I am ready.
(Teach me a new delusion.)
The mind is so full,
but the heart is so empty.

Perhaps, perhaps,
it is time to accept,
any old myth
that I used to reject.

Fill up my emptiness
with delusional bliss.
Give me an enemy
for my bullets to miss.

I'll fire my gun,
rife with belief.
And drift upon
pillows of doubtless sleep.

Knowing that I,
for once, am right.
Having chosen to follow
that arbitrary light.

It's just how life goes,
tip-toeing about.

A friend here, a friend there.
In my heart they've not gone anywhere.

I may see them next Tuesday,
or perhaps, never again,
but in my heart
I will always call them friend.

Don't follow me.
Don't like me.
I'm not going anywhere nicely.
I've walked all my darkest paths,
and I did not tread them lightly.
I'd say "look before you leap,"
but more than likely,

I'd obscure |
                     | the destination.

Say, Have you seen
my latest painting?

It's a dog. Isn't it cute?
I could paint one of you.
I'd capture all your beauty.
Or perhaps your heart too.

You could give it to me

I would craft my worship
to suit everything you need.
Your vessel would be holy,
while enshrined in my belief.
Wait.
Don't look.
Don't turn on that light.
When the brightness shines
upon my path,
All my darkest nights...

would only make you laugh.

Why give away your only chance?
The emperor's in his underpants.
Destroyed by father's impotence.
I should not be the one shouting.

Another news agency
Is reporting only "controversy."
Do you have no faith in democracy?
What are these words I'm shouting?

What is this compulsion,
toward what fills me with revulsion?
Should I find a new emulsion?
Or just carry on my shouting?

Humanity and democracy,
was that all just a dream to me?
I can't unsee what I have seen.
I'll—shout about it or something.

I'll probably go away now.
Head buried high up in a cloud,
No more room, or time for doubt,
but maybe just a little— shouting...

She's driving fast
on the winding road,
and she won't
listen.

Sign says thirty,
She's going fifty-five.
"Jess, Please Slow Down"
She Doesn't.
She Won't.

My Pleas induce
her acceleration.
Eighty-Eight.
"Stop the car!"
"Let me out!"
Ninety-Five.
She hits a sign.
"Stop the ******* car!"
I pinch her side.

"STOP. STOP NOW."

She does and I get out.
And then it's all my fault.
Her eyes roll, at the same time
asking for forgiveness.

"I'm not riding with you," I say.
Incredulous, she drives away.

I don't know where I am,
but a crowd has gathered.
I follow them into the building.
A store. A small town gathering.
I draw attention to myself.
The small, gray man,
who disappears in the city
but stands out among the folk.
The eyes want contact,
but their faces turn from lack
of recognition.

I feign a smile, and a polite air,
as I shuffle through.
Making one circuit,
then back to the exit.

I'm walking home.
A two day journey.
Or a single flight
of screaming terror.
Is that irony?
No.

Two large men corner me,
as I amuse myself with
my suffering.

They speak as if I'm not there.
Sizing me up.

"He doesn't look dangerous."

For some reason I say,
"You don't ******* know me,"
and this makes them laugh,
as though confirming my
impotence in their eyes.

They stop following,
and I start walking.

I've got a long way to go.

All hypocrites know
that all great men
are hypocrites.

No Jesus is a saint.

What about Him is in
he who is without sin?

In the begin they bit in.

Into the human within.

The soul isn't split
between
You, me, and them.

Then,
Who is this "they"
in your whataboutism?

When I was a child,
they covered the hill
of my back yard.

When I was a child,
love was something
I didn't understand.

Now I see
the world is empty
without them.

Now I see,
and wish I was
a child again.

Name yourself "Truth"
to mask your lies.
Claiming none can see
without your eyes.
You fear to face inward,
so in words you hide.
But blatant analogy
reveals your disguise.

"Boys will be boys"
"He just got carried away"
"You're just seeing things"

The same words mothers use
to defend their ****** sons.

You didn't birth that man,
so why are you defending him?
You handed your dignity away,
so what have you got to lose?

Oh right—
ideology is everything.

The Nazis were not above sentiment.
They spoke of fatherland and Fuhrer,
with tears in their eyes,
and hands on their hearts.
At once,
deeply earnest,
and deeply sadistic.

For a while I dreamed,
we were self-aware enough
to recognize this hypocrisy...

but here we go again.
Same hands
Same tears
Same excuse

So you went on a hedonistic journey
******* drugs, *** and rock and roll,
and then you're gonna say you're responsible
for all this generation has?

You're just a leech like me,
but a lot less self aware.
Thumb stuck in you know where.
Plop it out and maybe you'll see
What a good little boy you've been.

Next you're gonna tell me what a man is.
Next you're gonna tell me how smart you are.
Then you're gonna look at my frustration
and say "Live your best life", "Be your best you"

Insufferable deluded ****.
You took everything you could.
And you'll leave us us with the leavings.
And a lengthy receipt, too.

I'm not doing
too good today.
I've been around
for far too long,

just taking my time,
doing nothing
at all.
Watching the sun
and the moon
revolve.

I don’t wanna look
where I don’t wanna go,
so I stand at the window,
looking in
my own home.

There’s my brains
on the wall,
and the floor.
Scoop em on up
and I'll try once more.

I’m
doing just fine
today—
I got my new
medication.

Sunshine singing
on the birds
in the rain,
sunshine calling
my name.

We do not heed the call.
Would we even hear the trumpets blare?
Illusion is our dissolution.
It escalates on every front.
It's happening right now.