Fat
A word created by the devil to make others feel ugly
Ugly
A word created by the devil to lower self esteem

Our society lets the devil rule it by creating anorexic models
Wearing caked on make up
Telling little girls they need to look like Barbie
That make up will solve all your problems
The biggest lie the devil ever told was convincing girls they look better with make up on

Society tells girls there ugly unless they have the perfect waist
The biggest *****
The best butts
Why so magazines will sell
Why because men only want anorexic fake barbies for wives

Well it's just a bunch of lies by the devil
Believed by the little girls who want barbies
Believed by the girl that u call fat and ugly
The girl u make fun of for her pimples

So they turn to the devil and listen to him and starve themselves for guys who will never care
Cake their face with make up so u will call them pretty one day

But it's all just a bunch of lies
God makes no mistakes
Your beautiful just the way you are

Alter ego
My alter ego is the devil
Me,myself, and him

I try to hide him
I act so pure
So clean

I fight him everyday
But I get tired
So he comes out

My strength crumbles before him
So strong
So bad
So wrong

He turns my thoughts to list
To greed
To ****

I try to fight him off
But he won't stop
I'm so scared
So lost
Because my alter ego is the devil

Maybe the problem is not devil
But me...

I'm the one who is so careless
With my actions
With my lust
And my temptations

So I crumble for god
Start with his foundation
So clean
So pure
So perfect

The next day I'm back out hacking at his foundation
Corrupting myself
Hurting myself

The devil is not my only problem
I am

Middle school

Everyday I hated life
Just get me through today
Maybe no one will notice me
Maybe no one will notice that before school I cried

I cried because of them
They locked me in closets
Called me gay
Made jokes at my dispense

They say that they were joking
No harm done
But little did they know that I cried myself to sleep every night
Because I was so scared that it could be true

So I showed them I dated every girl I could got to double digits before I knew it but still they called me gay

Soon girls were just a number
Just a object that I could build myself higher on

I tell my parents all of this and there response is that these kids are just jealous of you Kevin

I wish that was true
But what is there to be jealous about

Girls turned to objects in a second
They were there to build me higher right? To somehow give me the respect I wanted
I used them for my own gain
But what did it gain me
Bur more name calling

Manwhore
****
Told I couldn't keep a girlfriend
More jokes at my dispense
And somehow I was still called gay
I still cried those names Hurt too

These girls are getting me no where
But I keep going farther with them
Started bragging about how cool I was

But in a moment I could be brought down by 3 words
You are gay

Those words pump through my heart so fast
My anger rages
Till a kid said it one day and I broke
I punched him in the face
The power I felt
I threw another one

Sitting at my desk feeling that glory but for what?
I get a call to the office
I get blamed for bulling the kid
I try to say no
But the words won't come out

I turn back to girls to hide my pain
To hide my sorrow
Maybe someday girls won't just be a number...

"happy"
As I lay in the puddle of tears on my bed
I feel so alive
My mask has been taken off
It's truly me
The words I speak are so me
Almost too me
There so unclean that hurts my ears

When I wake up from my bed and head out to school
I turn around and grab that "happy" mask right off the shelf
Just hopping no one notices it's a mask
I look so calm
So collected

You could never tell that on the inside are scares so deep
So alive
That I relive them everyday

But when I get home I open up your stories and feel so alive

How can I ever share myself with anyone
When can I trust people to love me for my scares
For my scares make me
But at one point they broke me

So when I close ur book
I take off that mask
Smash it to pieces
I tell myself tomorrow I will be myself

When I get up I make a new mask
A better one
One that can't be broken
One that can hide anything

Maybe one day together we can break it
But for now I'm fine with always being "happy"

Perfection is happiness

Sitting in class it's so silent
We are supposed to be writing poems
But what is a poem...

Does it have rules
Do I have to rhyme
And have rhythm

Or can I just write about whatever the **** I feel like
Can I just share these feelings that are weighing me down
They feel like stones on my chest
Slowly crunching me to my death

I cry myself to sleep every night because I don't know who to tell...
I want to tell someone, anyone who would listen
But I stop because the words taste so sour on my lips
So I run away and hide

I run to my room and hide those feelings in that drawer
That drawer that is crammed full of feelings and sad thoughts
Because we are supposed to be happy...

So I try to live like society always being happy never telling or showing anyone who I really am
Because who would like me If I told them that I am depressed and broken and have  scars so deep that I will never heal
Would would love me if I told you that...
Would you?

Well I don't think you would because I don't even love myself
I can't remember the last time I looked in the mirror and smiled at my reflection...

That fat all over my body
Those pimples
Why can't they all be gone
I want to be perfect
Because u can only be happy when you're perfect right?
That's what we are taught as little kids

It's so sad and sicken I just to open that draw and throw those feeling up in the air cause I don't give a **** anymore
I want to run up and show everyone my scars
To yell at them and cry because I'm tired of hiding
I want to be free of this weight

But instead of sharing it with anyone I'm just sitting here writing  a poem that will end up in the drawer
And if the teacher calls on me I will just not answer because I'm scared to share this with u...

Our culture is so broken and hopeless
People are judge by who they love
As if its a choice they made to be gay
They couldn't change if they wanted to

We can fight for our gun rights
But get upset when gays fight for their marriage rights
Because our culture has made Gay synonymous with the lesser  

If everyone is created equal
Then why can't gays get married
Cause we're scared they might revolt
Cause we're scared they might influence others

If you can't let others love who they want to then your incapable of love yourself...

You see men walking down the street holding hands
So you make fun of them
Call them *******
But when you go home you open up that **** site
Just another night cheating on your wife

Marriage in general is so corrupt
Husbands beat their wives
They cheat and lie

So when we see the love of homosexual
We get jealous and angry because its what we used to have
But now it's lost between the lies
So we try and hide it by fighting against same *** marriage
As if some how that will make it acceptable for you to cheat
Or to make yourself feel the like the man your dad always wanted

We need to look into our own lives before we cast the first stone
Because we are all equal
One man One God One opportunity

Our culture is broken by heterosexual media and religions telling us how to live and judge each other when they are the ones that are broken...

She said deeper so I rolled over and started reading poetry

Aging
When we are little kids all we do is want to grow up
Adults ask us what we want to be we say adults

When were old all we want to do is be young
Kids ask us what we want to be and we say dead

Why is that all we want to do is grow up so fast
The years fly by
Soon your 18 looking in the mirror like I can't believe what I have become I was gonna enjoy high school make lasting memories
Everyone always does

Then we take that step out of our parents doors
Knowing this is what we have always wanted
But we're scared
We have lost so many friends already
We have cried enough nights to sleep
To know that growing old is a curse

You dream of that day being 18 and seeing what it brings
Independence
Voting
Your so excited that you rush through life to get there

Why is it so hyped
More rules
Have to pay your own bills
Living in a new city or state
Crying your self to sleep cause you miss your mom and dad
Cause you miss hanging with your bestfriends  every second of everyday

Then we finally get to the end of our life and we look back at those pictures
Those joyful days
Without a care in the world

But now that your old you have laid your parents to rest
Seen twice as many friends leave your side
Still cry yourself to sleep at night

But those pictures you burned them so you don't have to remember that you were once a kid
Because a kid has everything without knowing it and you have nothing while knowing it
The tables have turned so much
You wanted to be old you got your wish but now that your there you realize it was hyped up and it's a curse

Now you can't wait to die
To see those friends
those family members
that you have lost

It's so weird whenever I'm angry or depressed my mind floods back with memories of you

These memories only make me more sad and angry
I miss you and want to say hi almost everyday I have a debate in my head if I should message you and say hi
But I think it will be awkward but worst of all I'm scared that you won't say hi back
I'm scared of you rejecting me again because I'm still recovering from the last time you hurt me

Those memories of the time you broke me still feel so fresh
I wish I could cry and talk to someone but I'm supposed to be a tough guy that's what society says
Grow up don't cry so I hide my emotions in my poetry

I'm still in love with you and if you were to say I might melt away and be yours all over again
But you will never say hi
You are just a memory that will some day fade when I met another girl as amazing as you but until then I'm stuck wishing you would say one simple hello

As I feel your touch against my skin it reminds me of a warm summer day
Your kisses cover my face and wipe away my tears
This moment will only last a while before I'm alone again...
But I intend to make it last
So we stay in bed all day saying we will never get up but eventually we do
And sometimes you return but wen you don't it gets lonely for a while until a new girl takes your place
At first cuddling is uncomfortable and awkward...you keep asking if this is comfortable and I lie and say yes because it takes a while but soon when you get in bed you slide right in and it's perfect the bed is no longer mine or hers it's us...until you leave again and the whole process starts all over again

I'm stuck in a routine of being happy and then dramatically depressed life is just one big lie and happiness is an allusion

But finally I find that one...the first time we cuddle it's perfect not awkward at all...it feels like you were meant to lay against me and for those years I'm truly happy
Aging fast but forever loving you

And then that day you lay me down in that coffin I am in my final bed alone forever nobody's touching me I lay in box underground my final resting place is empty just like my bed used to be before I met you

Dreams
These dreams that I am having are so wrong
I wake up cold sweet
Trying to forget
But when I close my eyes again there those images are

Why cant I control my dreams
They scare me so bad
Remind me of my past

I don't want to sleep at night
It scares me
Those images haunt my dreams

My past now controls my dreams
So broken
So hurt
So many scars
That just won't fade

So as I lay in bed trying to forget
I think of u

You are my strength
For when I wake up in the night
I know u are there to comfort me

As I pray to you I feel strong again
So I close my eyes
And back to flood of images
I wake up screaming
So much pain
So much fear

I know it's not your fault
With u by my side
I will one day sleep again

She sits in the corner admiring her own artwork
Slowly sipping on her tea while a cigarette lingers between her fingers unlit

She sits alone because she scared to share her self with anyone because she afriad that they will judge her for her mistakes and scars

She smokes because she wants to be skinny...it's working but she's killing her self in the process

And when you see this girl in the hallway you advert your eyes because the littlest contact could infect you with her imperfections and you hold your breath because she wears to much of her moms Perfume because it's the only thing she has left of her

She goes through school with make up smeared and smudged around her eyes
She looks like a zombie
teachers and kids don't interact with because she's different because they all feel bad that they used to bully her in middle school so no one even smiles at her

So when she goes home she decides today is the day I'm finally going to be free...she slowly gets in that tub and grabs that razor from the hiding place behind the soap and begins to cut

Crying with every cut but not tears of pain or death but tears of happiness because her alcoholic dad will finally notice her and kids at school will finally talk about her

When her dad finally stumbles in to take a drunk night **** he's sees her smiling for the first time in a while and then he notices the pool of blood

And he finally realizes all the signs of her depression...the kids at school next day chatter throughs text and Facebook but soon there just memories and distant rumors of why she did it  ranging from that she was crazy and evil to dumb and pregnant

But the truth is all she needed was a smile a simple hi how are you today...and she would have made it...she would still be here...she wouldn't be a sad distant memory but a happy alive little girl like she used to be before her dad began drinking because of her mothers death

Love
How do I explain this to you?
It's something I have never had to say.
All I know is that this is something new-
And that I have never felt this way.

I have never seen a smile like yours
or heard a laugh that's quite as cute.
You are opening all new doors,
that's leading me to something new.

I've never felt this way before,
when someone tells me they love me.
But this time I feel my heart drop- fall to the floor
and I think I am beginning to see.

Something new is not something bad.
I am learning to smile and love once again.
With your help I am now letting go of the past,
and learn that I can once more "begin-"

I do not have to forget all that has been done,
I just need you to smile and take my hand.
Because it does not matter what has gone wrong-
I know that you'll understand.

You are certainly not the type to judge-
I like that, that is new.
The more that days pass the more I feel loved...
I am really beginning to like you.

I cannot imagine anyone else next to me-
It's just something I can't picture in my head.
And I also cannot imagine, cannot see, or think of anyone else inside my bed.

What is this feeling...
It is something entirely new.
I have never felt the need to say it...
But I need to tell you ...I love you.