Slowly, her fingers run
under the seal of a yellowed
envelop as if brushing against
his lips as he kissed it shut.

He delicately penned gentle
words, but a thousand
letters aren’t sufficient to prove his
devotion – A thousand miles not

enough to keep them apart. Once
only bound by infatuation and perpetual
poor timing, doomed to perish with
nothing but memories of a midnight

cursing the ticking second hand,
memorizing each embrace. She
refuses to buy into fate, but her’s is
sealed like the envelop in her hands.

Studying each word, running her
fingers over dried ink as if brushing
against his determined hand as he wrote.

Clouds are thick.
Moon is full.
Wind is strong.

Only now does her brokenness fit in.
Only now can she freely express
true colors – black and gray
flow from her tongue as she is trapped
between anger and mourning.
When the sun shines, it is easy to find
her joy and effortless smile. But
just as the earth would dry up
without rain, just as the grass would
yellow and the crops would whither
away – she can only suppress
the storm within her for so long.

She can’t live on sunshine alone.

She can’t live on love alone.

My God, I am down on my knees, please help me fight my demons. I am filled with envy, I am filled with hate, I am overcome with anger. Remove these from me. I realize that sometimes it takes being knocked off your feet to be reminded of the mercy of the Lord, but finding myself in this position, I struggle to keep faith. I desire to praise you even in the darkest of times, in the midst of trials. But I am too battered and worn to lift my head. Please give me the strength. Help me to see that your will is greater than any plan I ever imagined. Help me believe that you are sovereign, and that your “no” means “I have something greater in store”. I will fight this battle within me and around me until I can stand, victorious. I will win the war. Until this moment, down on my knees, I had forgotten that I cannot do this alone. Without you, Lord, I am nothing. I am a mere mortal waiting to die. But with you, I am victorious. I am more than just my flesh, I am my soul. I pray to you, asking you to help this truth become buried inside of my heart. Tonight, as the demons of hate, envy, and anger rip me apart, I pray that I find the strength to push them aside. Instead I will fill myself with love, as I fill myself with you. You are love. I desire to be more and more like you each day. I am far from this – my imperfections far outweigh my good. I am a sinner, but your mercy makes me whole, and for that I am forever thankful. I pray these things in your holy name, Amen.

In an instant, I am
knocked to my knees.
How foolish to think
man’s plan is more than
simple pencil markings
on calendars. Unwise
to place faith in anything
other than the rock
that is our Savior.

His will be done.

There is beauty
in brokenness when
we place our broken
hearts in his hands.
But doors will open,
time moves on, and
we glorify Him in all
things. In suffering,
we grow closer to one
another as we cling to Him.

Farther away now than ever.
Yet I can almost feel your
breath on my neck. Not a single
word spoken, but you speak

through song. I know it’s wrong,
but it’s like hitting every green
light when you are praying
for something to stop you -

just slow me down.

In the dark of the night, I reach for you.
But there is never enough tread
on my tires to get that far. Hasn’t it
always been this way? Even beside you,

I was searching for depth and diving into puddles.