What do you do when you realize you’ve never actually been in love before?
What do you do when it’s too early to say,
And your mind keeps lying, keeps trying to tell you he’s slipping away?
SP But then again, what if he really is?
What do you do when you’re drowning in doubt?
But the next second in his arms it all fades away, seems okay, you’re okay....
What do you do when you can’t let it out... for fear of coming off nuts, coming off crazy, you’re hazy but one thing shines through -
You don’t think you can live if you don’t know for sure, he’s in love with you.
And that sounds so sappy and a little bit insane,
and you sit around and that’s the only thing that’s inside your brain,
And that’s not a way to live,
That’s a way to give yourself a migraine.
That’s a way to get so anxious you’re a little bit in pain,
And what a way to feel about someone, someone who has absolutely no idea the mess in your head, in your heart, in your soul, in your bones.
But most of the time makes you feel like nothing you’ve ever known....
SP Which actually, kind of makes it worse. Because then Jesus Christ we’re off to the races,
Let’s see how far this daydream will go,
In your mind there’s a million places,
Memories you have yet to know,
And Dear God you could just marry him,
And even though you’re terrified of children,
For the first time in your life you want them,
And a house somewhere and dogs and cats and then....
You sound insane.
Fantastic, how are you possibly in the deepest pit of self doubt you’ve ever built and simultaneously building a future with this man,
What a great plan.
So, here’s what you do. First, go to therapy. That’s it.
The second thing you learn is to let go a little, it’s life, and it will happen whether you think you’ve planned it or not.
Assess your situation, but don’t obsess, and realize that this is what you’ve got:
An amazing man who knows when you’re hurting,
An incredible man from whom you’ve been learning,
A frustrating man, but that’s the thing,
You said it yourself.
You’ve never actually been in love before.
So how are you to know how to do this?
Of course you’re afraid.
Of course you’re questioning everything.
Of course you don’t know, it’s a game you’ve not played,
Of course. You’ve gotta learn everything.
So let him teach you. Let his calmness reassure you, let the touch of his hand and the ring in his laugh tell you everything’s fine and even if it’s not,
It will be.
Tell him your fears, and be surprised when he holds you tighter.
Be surprised when he doesn’t shy away.
Be surprised when just his words make you feel 3 times lighter,
Be surprised when you realize everything’s okay.
Stay as long as you need, he’ll still miss you when you’ve left,
Accidentally be a nuisance and learn he doesn’t mind the fuss.
Step by step you’ll learn to live as someone else’s, but still as yourself
You’ll get better, you’ve gotta trust.
And in the meantime, enjoy this man.
Early mornings, late nights,
To hell with a plan,
All you know is he’s your light.