As I look into your eyes,
Quickly you go and hide.
Lay to rest your fears,
Can't you see me?
I'm right here.
I want to love you,
But you first  must permit me,
Tonight,
Can we pretend that I matter?
Could you,
I mean,
Would you,
Act as though you care?
I hunger for your love,
Wrap me in your arms,
Founder me on your beautiful lies.
Tomorrow,
We will forget tonight.
Tonight,
Lets forget yesterday.
For your heart shines with the mornings light.
So,
Tonight,
Lets forget,
Tomorrow.

Sleep,
My bitter friend,
For when I am sleeping,
I am not ANGRY,
I am not LONELY,
I am not SAD,
I'M JUST ME.
It's waking to the nightmare that I live,
That I must concede.
Dreaming of you,
Playing,
Laughing,
Running,
Happy & Smiling,
And waking to...
NOTHING,
A hole in my heart,
NOTHING,
And and emptiness in my arms where you used to be.
nothing
Who really needs sleep?
It was getting old anyway.

Have you ever wanted something so bad,

Only to find it was never yours.

Have you ever dreamt of something so hard,

Only to find it was just a dream.

Have you ever,

Loved with all your heart,

And not been loved in return?

Have you ever.....

Loved, lived and lost?

At times it feels like you were never here,

Others,

Like you never went away.

There is not a minute that goes by,

When you don't cross my mind

Seven years ago today....

You made a choice,

No one heard your voice.

We never thought it would end like this.

I never imagined you would....

But ignorance is bliss.

Seven years ago today...

Turn The Page and Tears In Heaven,

I feel you watching over me.

One more time,

I want to see your face.

Seven years ago today...

You made a choice that took you off this earth.

You're gonna be an uncle,

Your name sake.

Seven years ago today...

You will never be far away.

I carry your soul in my soul,

And your heart in my heart.

I miss you brother of mine,

But we are never far apart.

I look into your eyes

I see what try to you hide.

I'm not your demise.

I want to love you!

To see everything inside.

I'm far from perfect,

I'm perfectly unperfect.

I don't try to deny who I am,

I want you to realize

Don't be scared

Don't back down.

If you don't put your heart out there,

It'll never be found

And I slowly turn from the mirror....

Rachel Scott

They are trying to take my heart you see,
Without it I can't breathe.
My soul aches,
While my spirit breaks.
Without you,
Life makes no sense.
Let's forget this world,
It's too intense.
You beg and cry for me,
Sayin,"Mommy, please don't leave."
My love,
I'm left without out a choice.
They can't hear me,
It seems I have no voice.
My girl,
I love you.
For you there's nothing I won't do.
Try to over look the bad.
Put a smile on your beautiful face,
It only hurts to be sad.
The longer you're away,
I die more and more everyday.
Your with me mind, body, heart and soul,
For you're with me everywhere I go.

Rachel Scott

I give it up,
I'm thru.
Everyone tellin' me...
"Living this life'll be the death of you."
Good-bye my friend,
I've depended on you for so long,
And good riddance my enemy,
Shall your presence be forever gone.
I no longer need your company,
I'll no more be your dump.
So good-bye ****,
And farewell morphine.
No,
Not even a bump!
One,
Too many.
A thousand,
Never enough.
I need something more,
His will from above.
So,
Take with you the pain and misery,
It's just too much.
GOD,
Come into my heart please!
I can't do this alone,
No,
Not with out your touch.


Rachel Scott

I feel as though I'm not myself,
And you don't know it,
But you're talking to someone else.
I'm not the person I used to be,
Or even the person you think you see.
I'm in a dream that I can't wake up from.
I feel,
But I'm numb...
I'll try to explain it,
I'm afraid it won't make much sense.
Inside my head it's too intense.
My thoughts are contained by nonsense.
I'm lost!
Can you help me?
Look past my front,
Find my soul,
Hurry!!!
Or it too will soon be gone.

Rachel Scott

For one day,
I want to feel...
Loved.
For one hour,
I need to feel...
Worthy.
For one one minute,
I'd love to feel...
Needed.
For one second,
I desire to feel...
Beautiful and ****,
Maybe even smart and witty.
But for once in my life,
I will to feel...
Just good enough!
Like I matter and you really care.
That maybe if you woke up to tomorrow and I wasn't there,
Somebody, somewhere would miss me.
Just for tonight,
I crave to feel...
Loving arms holding me tight,
Caressing my hair,
As I kiss the night.
For now,
I'd settle to feel,
Nothing, nada, mute.
Come on Tina,
Shake my hand!!
There you go,
She's made another deal.
My soul belongs to another still.

Rachel Scott

Taking your life,
By gun or knife,
It's just not right.
Thinking only of yourself
But what about everyone else,
Do we not count?
I tried to be there for you when you were down and out,
I suppose it wasn't enough,
Or maybe it was just too much.
I was coming to see you before you died.
The staff couldn't take me,
I got denied.
Wondering what I could have done different,
To keep you here in lifes existence.
I understand why you couldn't take anymore
But so soon did you have to knock upon Heaven's door?
If only you had waited,
Maybe your suicide we could have anticipated
Stopped it before it started.
And now we wouldn't be down hearted,
Sad and lost.
Your no longer in pain,
But at such an extreme cost.
Eventually it would have went away
Not permanently you see,
Just until you didn't grieve constantly.
That 22 is hard to bounce back from.
I want you to know that what you did,
It was dumb.
I will forever remember your cold dead face,
That's the last thing I see in your place.
A gaping hole in your head,
I know your not happy now that your dead.
Our family has been torn apart,
No more Christmas or Thanksgiving that's just the start.
My heart has been broke in two,
At the sight of death and you.
Lying in your casket,
Surrounded by lovely flower baskets.
Many people cared for you,
But your pain blinded your view
I was there until the very end,
And you will always be my very best friend,
I looked to you for advice,
Although I wasn't allways nice.
I know you tried to....

I look into your eyes,

And I see what try to you hide.

I'm not your demise.

I want to love you!

To see everything inside.

I'm far from perfect,

I'm perfectly imperfect.

I don't try to deny who I am,

I want you to realize,

Don't be scared,

Don't back down,

If you don't put your heart out there,

It'll never be found.

And then I turn from the mirror....


Rachel Scott

Let's play our game of watch the sun,
You time me,
I'll time you,
Lets see who's the best of the two.
Although your time here on earth was short,
Your beautiful spirit lives on in us all.
With every memory and every tear,
Our laughter plays on my ears.
Forever you'll live on in my heart,
After all,
We had the very same start.
The shots and bleeds,
Only you truly understood what we needed.
You are loved by many,
Missed by more
I know one day you'll greet me at Heavens door.

Rachel Scott

When Tina is around
And Krystal is too easily found
I stop saying the prayer of serenity,
And even my own identity.
I've lost days and weeks.
Even lost people to whom I used to speak
They can't accept me for me,
Or just let me be.
I'm a person of two.
I wish it was that simple.
You'd understand where I'm coming from
If you'd been where I'm at.
I don't wish that upon you,
That would be a sin.
That ***** is evil,
To all of the people,
She affects everyone,
From child to Grandmother
In one way or another.

Rachel Scott

I'm scared,
Of nothing,
And everything!!
Afraid to love,
Or be loved.
Terrified of acceptance,
And horrified of rejection.
I act strong,
Like I'm in control of me.
But fear drives the person you see.
Happiness,
Just out of reach,
Because of one of the biggest words ever invented...
With the most minutest significance intended.
But it scares the hell out of me.
Afraid of nothing,
Ready to face her,
Running from my self,
Racing death.

Hold me close,
Whisper in my ear.
Tell me everything you'd love to hear.
I need you!
Well,
Not you but it seems,
That no one else will do.
I want to feel!!
To love and be loved.
Once,
Not so very long ago,
I knew what it meant to be real.
The love I have for my daughter,
The only love I want to feel.
Choosing to love,
And learning to heal.
Letting go of the past,
Yesterday is gone,
Tomorrow is not here,
So take  the present,
And hold it dear.

Rachel Scott

I saw myself starting to fall,
Again!
But reality took hold,
Before my love started to grow.
I saw thru your undeserved attention.
How many times,
Did you hold me in your arms,
Using my body,
Only to fill the space?

Rachel Scott

Nothing is as it seems.
Seeing things you can't believe.
Dodging shadows,
For days,
Even weeks.
Time to decide,
Do you run and hide?
Or invite them inside?
A lady?
A mistress?
NO!!!
A killer,
A *****!
Before you realize it,
She's taken over your life,
But wait...
Wait...
Wait...
She wants more.
Heart, body, mind and soul.
****** sale today,
And it all must go.
No refunds or returns.
My concern,
My daughter thinks I forgot she exists,
But she's the only reason for my life to persist.

Rachel Scott

I'm afraid of life,
Of feeling,
Of loving,
Or needing ,
Anyone for anything.
Faith is not something I  possess,
Too many times it's been put to the test,
It's just not there.
I hide from a person,
I must face everyday,
Because ignoring her,
Won't make my shadow go away.
Slowly I'm committing homicide,
Killing that innocent, loving caring creature,
That once upon a time,
Well,
She was me.
A monster remains in my place.
You'll never see my true face,
For I wear a mask,
A thousand masks,
Masks that I'm afraid to take off,
And none of them are me.
I pretend that I'm in control.
That no one but me is the captain of this boat.
But the truth is...
I'm scared, fragile and broken.
The reality is...
With out you I'll surely drown,
And in a lake of despair,
My soul will be found.
She could be my only chance at salvation.
Standing between me and damnation.
Maybe this doesn't seem fair to unknowing eyes,
But my baby is saving me from what is sure to be my demise.


Rachel Scott

I want more than I am,
To forget what I can.
I keep running from my past,
But it's catching up and fast.
I hurt the ones I love the most,
It's not something that I'm proud of,
I'm not trying to boast.
I fight a demon everyday,
An evil only I can see.
I pray for god to keep her at bay,
Sometimes it works,
But I'm afraid mostly she's in my soul to stay.
Holding my hand,
She's always by my side,
My best friend,
My worst enemy,
But always down for the ride.
I  HATE,
That I LOVE ,
THAT *****!!!

Rachel Scott

My social standing,
Will lose it's value.
My political views,
Will take a back seat.
My race,
Will not be seen.
My gender,
Will be unimportant.
My education level,
Will be obsolete.
And on that celebrated day,
I will be seen simply,
And completely,
As beautiful.
Viewed with loving eyes,
And a tender heart...
Nothing in life matters,
But who you are.
I will not be judged by the scars I wear,
But solely by the colors with which two souls share.

To all who came before,
And those who will fall after,
Live life's laughter!
Share loves wealth.
When my time here is thru,
Please remember to celebrate my life.
Try and forget my death.
Laugh often,
And love deeply,
Hold my memory close,
Remember my love,
You are special to me,
For you are in my spirit you see.
You carry my heart in your heart,
My soul in your soul.
For I am with you every where you go.

Rachel Scott