to: the backbone
please stand up straight
love, the vertebrate
to: the hair
please stop being tangled
love, your comb
to: the hands
please stop popping your knuckles
love, your future arthritis
to: the feet
please be less clumsy
love, the scraped knees
to: the nose
please stop being stuffed up
love, the mouth
to: the eyelashes
please stop falling into us
love, the eyeballs
thank you for your consideration to these pressing problems.