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it's so difficult to live

when you've decided not to

and you're just hanging around

     -nervous-

but you've got dignity

even if you don't have enough pills

                      to end it quick

but you've got dignity

even if it can't pay the rent

                      or keep the power on



still waiting for the right time

       -the moment-

that will be your last

but you might as well read something

you might as well return a note

to someone who loves you

and doesn't ask you to pretend



even if the words are shaking



grasping



cold
She spent her days in love
and I spent mine asleep

Me, I have no constant.
I speak in symbols and run-ons.
Disheveled prose streams
from my lashes
and burns onto the page:
a ritual.

This is not for you
or for him
or for her.

In the summer I would tremble
at the sound of rainfall.
This discourse sears its way
throughout my throat upon recollection.

Huddled close on humid nights,
we lit candles
and whispered of spirits
and auras
and the key to releasing the sky.

Her skilled fingers found the piano keys
and struck a sad, summer melody
that stretched throughout the house.
Like dust, I could only see her
in a band of daylight.

She looked ghostly at night;
her wispy, indistinct shape
moved and bent like a willow
alongside the lights
pinned to my wall.

By and by the morning would betray us,
and that's as far as I can recall
for the summer days quickly fade
and the ruins that remain
are far too parallel to dreams.

She was real, to me.
The red velvet sun, too anxious to peer over the horizon
Finds solace in gently tempering the colors of the sky
But it is bound to rise,
As it is inflexible in deciding whether or not too.
So when it does
It dawns in fire.

The sunrise, rising
Dances with melancholy grace
In front of an audience who has seen her worn face
Countless amounts of times.
Who have fallen in love with her poise
Countless amounts of times.

She rises to the same men,
Apathetic to their sincere approaches,
Because she had always withered their ambition
And parched their lips,
Before kissing them

And when she concludes her performance
And her partners lay satisfied
She goes out to smoke,
But instead,

Finds herself wandering the streets
Allowing all the obscure shadows
To muffle her lovers
And let them fall asleep

Because as things go,
The sun never sleeps,
She only sleeps with.
Perched atop my soft granite cloud
I breathe in the apex of the land
the vast miniature world below
awaits the landing of my fingertips

My fingers
wander across the rusty red mesas
slide down between its soft ribbed slopes
caress its contours
feel the sun baked warmth
brushing against their pads

My lips
kiss the lily white clouds
press against the blue glass sky
burn in the flowering sun
nibble on dark rolling mountains
tongue tasting the icy frosted peaks

My toes
test the tiny tepid lakes
chance upon the gritty texture just below
prickle on the rugged treetops
tap the smooth rocky surface retreating from my perch
dancing in time to the pulse of the wind
Ghost Ranch in Abiquiu, New Mexico was my muse for this particular poem.

— The End —