What do I believe? I don’t know, I know that I want to believe that people can be kind and caring and love one another without the threat of a God deciding their fate if they **** up. But that’s just me...
I hate you. I hate you because you love me. I hate you because you care for me. I hate you for the loving way you look at me. I hate you getting close to my heart. You don’t want me. I’m ****** up. Damaged goods. No one wants damaged goods. Not even you. So I hate you because you love me. I hate you for the way you brush my hair off my face. I hate you because deep down I love you. But that scares me. So instead, I hate you.
How can you ask so much and produce so little. Why is it always someone else’s fault? The punishment must fit the crime. You ignore me and treat me like ****, But tell me I’m treated like a princess. How does that work? You act like I’m 5 and give me orders You tell me you’re not controlling but then tell me things that ‘have’ to change You haven’t even taken me out on a single date. We never go anywhere together. Am I a secret or a joke to you? The one in my life that I love more than anything you call silly names. Her name is Kaiah, not Kaia-burger. We don’t spend time together anymore. Do you even want me? I come on to you and you turn me away. Do I disgust you? You’re always late. Over an hour late. Never on time. Never. Is it too much to ask. Is it hard to tell me I look nice today? When I spent hours getting ready for you and u don’t even acknowledge it.
One request. Just one. Come talk to me now. And you complain about that too. I have done nothing wrong. I have done everything in my power to rebuild your trust. What were your demands? To delete facebook. Not going to happen. And what else? Nothing. You’re willing to throw me away because of facebook? Then you are stupid. You won’t even come by. 15 minutes left in your 30 minute window of a chance at my heart. Or 15 minutes left till I kick you out of my life. And you want to argue through texts saying I am making you my *****. If you cared you wouldn’t think that. If you cared you would be here to talk things over and salvage our possible relationship. But still as time passes you don’t show up. And I get more and more ******. I begin to attain a deeper hatred for you with each passing minute. If I was in your position I would have been here asap. But it’s not me making the decision right now. If you don’t show up I’m done. My heart is not a toy. Yes I have wronged you before. 2 months ago I left you hanging. I have, in my opinion made up for it. So if everything I have done is not enough then it’s your loss. Once I kick you out of my heart there is no getting back in. I will only be heartbroken once. And with one text you tell me you are headed to another city to pick up your brother. It was never really about me making you my *****. It was about you not being able to come so u wanted me to fold first. So it ends with a text. I finally settle with a single response. ‘I have nothing to say.’ No response.
Fire, Fire - burning bright Dancing flames throughout the night, Red, Blue - Orange, Gold, Now the fires growing cold. Fire, Fire - burning bright Dancing flames turn out the light.
A sharp sound pierces the silence of my thought Startled I peer into the night to discover the origin She stands out pale against the darkness Am I dreaming? Is this real? A cry sounds out again in the night I regain my thought, then proceed to the source Cautiously I make my way to her Her eyes enveloped with pain As I lean in to wipe away her tortured tears She screams out in agony What have I done? Am I responsible? I inquire if I can resolve her suffering She only responds in more tears My heart aches for her If only she could tell me what’s wrong Somehow I could make it right She takes in her last breath I hold her close as the color fades from her eyes I’ll give her the burial she deserves And one day I will join her where we can forever be together Her name was Kaiah and she was the best canine friend a human could have.
The thought of it makes the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. His Touch…Lick…Force… All to sickening to remember. The images flash before my closed eyes. His smile, oh how I hate his crooked smile. *****? I’m a *****? No, I am a child. Or was. He put his putrid hands on me, said I wanted it. Oh yes, at 10 I wanted him inside me. I wanted to feel that way. I begged for it. Or so he said...
Moments linger - long and slowly upon lovers lips. Hours spent sultry and smooth Days remembered - ruthless and rough. Years extensive - equivalent to not. Forever moment linger- long and slowly upon lover lips, long and slowly upon lover lips.
Lonely is a girl someone once loved too much. Lonely lays in bed and thinks of why it was too perfect. Lonely stays up till 4 and wakes at 6 only to be alone. Lonely cries and blames herself. But Lonely forgets… Lonely ignores the memories of pain. Lonely doesn’t acknowledge the fights. Lonely dismisses the abuse as her fault. But Lonely still lays in bed and thinks of why it was too perfect. Lonely cries and blames herself…
Fire burning-elegant dancers glide across an empty stage. Fire burning-lingering in each fair embrace. Fire burning-consuming every ounce of humanity. Fire burning- heated desire, passionately engulfing. Fire burning-knowing 'tis just begun.
Destruction and Devastation Are brothers with dear Death- In times of fear the come together For torture is their best- Struggle and Heartache are their games On the Playground of Life- Pay attention or be consumed Respect them or end in their strife.
Sleep please find me soon! I am tired but cannot slumber, My eyes are closed and still wide open. My mind is racing, hopefully soon to run out of gas. Hours pass by like seconds, From 1 to 4 in a blink. Tossing and turning inside, yet perfectly still. Thinking of sleep... Dreaming of sleep... Wanting to sleep. Oh, Sleep please find me soon.