This world we live in,
It's not supposed to
Be that way.

Hell is supposed to come after.

Instead, we suffer through
Hell every day of our lives.

Heartbreak, lost friends, abuse.
The list goes on and on.

The very thought that
There is worse to come
Scares me out of my mind.

Is there truly another hell
Or do the "bad" people
Simply get sent back to
Earth as their punishment,
Forced to suffer life again?

That seems to be enough
Punishment to discourage
Wrongdoings.

An eternity on earth
Forced to deal with evil
People and forces all over
Again.

All this wandering
Has got me wondering,
Is this a pointless battle?

Do we all wind up in the
Same place, burning for our
Bad choices and actions?

Do we end up happy
As reward for living
In this hell on earth?

Either way I'm gonna live
Exactly how I want to.

That way,
It's worth it in the end,
No matter where this final destination
May be.

Partying is in my soul,
Ingrained from birth.
Not meant to be ignored.

My life shall be
A colorful swirl of
Photography, partying,
Living life to the fullest.

Where does life lead?
Why waste time planning
The end when you could be
Living life?

Meatloaf,
You say.
Why meatloaf?

How could a vegetarian
Possibly taste like
Meatloaf??

Promises made
For when we die.
But why meatloaf?

I scream meatloaf
To you, but
Why meatloaf?

Poetry.

One simple word,
Yet it could change your life.

That poem that hits you,
Right when you felt you couldn't be any more
Numb.

The one that shocks you back to
Life.

Maybe the sensitive side comes out.
Maybe you found a poem that
Shows a soul in distress.

Maybe you wrote that poem.
Someone else found it.
Saved you.

Who knows?

Did you ever wonder
Who it was that saved you?
Did you forget that it wasn't just you
That changed your soul?

Usernames hide identities,
So who could ever know
The real name of the soul that saved them.

I know it's happened for me.
People I can't thank enough.
For pulling me out of a blackhole,
A.K.A. Life as w know it.

"We" being those who cut.
"We" being those who smoke.
"We" being those who drink.
"we" being those lost in an
Endless. Downward. Spiral.

Because "we" see the world as it is.
A pit of problems with no bridge across.

The only bridge for the aforementioned "we" is poetry.

Writing poems in hope that someone will read it and save us.
Wondering all the while if anyone even cares.
Does the world care

Whether planned or not.

Have my words,
unspoken, but rather written,
ever saved some
Helpless soul
Wandering without a path?

Life is an endless journey,
Poetry is a shortcut,
Towards happiness galore.

Life is full of thorns.
Poetry is a beautiful field,
Full of flowers, but few thorns.

I can't say there won't be thorns,
Life has to have it's way sometimes.
But I can say I will be there for you,
Likewise with poetry.

If life gets too hard,
turn away from
The blade,
The pipe,
The bottle or can,
Take my hand,
We will make it together.

I may not be too good at voicing my thoughts,
But I mean well.
Some things cannot be said,
Even if they ought to be.

When your vase full of life flowers is drooping and wilted,
Come with me,
Find a new one.

In the end all that matters is how you spent
Hours upon hours.
Suffer,
Survive,
Thrive?

Poetry will make you bloom,
Then you can take that power and lead others.

Just never forget how you got to that place.
And never forget me and
How I taught you to listen to the words of
Souls that are never uttered.

Never forget the old you,
But don't stay that same person.
The past is the past, find your future.


Follow me.
Find poetry.
Change your mind.
Change your outlook.
Become a new, better, you.

I'm always being told how everything I do is
Too much
Or
Too little.

Too much caring
About people
Who honestly
, if asked,
Couldn't care less about me.

Too little love shown
To those who would
Have my back
No matter what.

Little mixed up mind.
Still learning what to
Too many,
Too few.

Too many fake friends.
Say they care,
Then stab you in the back.
All over hate for you.

To few friends who truly care.
Had your back,
Even when you were too busy
Ignoring them

I may not have the world figured out.
Then again, who does?
Too much to learn in a single lifetime.

What do I hope?

As cruel as it sounds,
I don't care.
You were cruel,
So I'll be mean back.

Frankly put,
I hope,
From the bottom of my heart,
That she gets pregnant.

It would serve you right.
You were so cold.
So heartless.
Such a *****.

Am I becoming you?
No.
I have a heart,
And I hope she gets pregnant.

Outcast.

I trust too much.
I love too little.
I don't fit in.
I shouldn't live this way.

None of that matters.
Let the pain flow.
Let it follow the blood.
The blood flows from me.

Scars mark my wrists.
Seeing them brings back memories;
Memories not of flowing blood,
But of the reasons behind it.

Lost love.
Used by many.
Scarring memories,
Now remembered by true scars.

They will never leave me
So I'll always be haunted.
Haunted until it all hurts too much
And the blood flows again.

Recurring memories
Forever haunt me.
I'd rather forget.
Wish they'd be

Outcast.

"Why Fruit Ninja?"
"What makes you so happy
About slicing and dicing fruit?"
"I don't understand."

I hear it all the time.
But I can't explain
Why slicing fruit with a giant knife
Brings so much joy.

Honestly, I find it a bit odd
That they can't see
Everything in front of their eyes.
It's plain to see.

For me, at least,
It's a simple choice.
I can slice the fruit,
Or slice my wrists.

I can bring pain to myself
Or the fruit.
Which one
Would you prefer?

I prefer the cutting
of my wrists.
However, society thinks
Cutters are insane.

We have to fit
The "socially acceptable" standard
So I'll spend my days slicing fruit.

My nights will be
Consumed by bleeding.
Bleeding wrists.
Serving their justice for my crimes.

Fruit ninja by day.
Wrist ninja by night.

She says she needs more alcohol
The world is not spinning.
Only a fire in her belly.
Battery acid in her veins

There is more than what’s on the surface,
That’s just scratching.
Because she needs her alcohol,

It makes her feel good,
Energized,
Better,
Happier
Makes her forget the world’s trouble.

But the tap is running low,
And she is alone.
Taking another stolen sip, she smiles to herself.
Feeling malicious and well.

How long will this go on, until someone notices?
Fixes her?
Comes to her rescue?

Life is like a strong drink.
While you are drinking you feel powerful and strong,
No one can touch you, on top of the world,
Until you stop drinking and leaves you weak and sick.

Life is like a one night stand.
Emotions take over making you feel loved and needed.
The other person giving you all you want,
Until they leave the next morning leaving you alone and naked.

Life is....Like a baby being born.
A new life starting fresh and innocent,
Getting everything it need though out its life,
Until it grows old and dies leaving everything it stood for behind.

Life is like “good ****”.
Picks you up when you are down,
Takes you for a dream-like ride,
Until it makes you crash when you go to high.

Life is constantly bringing you up and dropping you down,
Giving you all you want and making your life easy,
Until something goes wrong and leaves you to figure things out alone.

She smiles, I cry.
She's brave, I’m shy.
She loves, I’m alone.
She’s amazing, I’m unknown.
She’s beautiful, I’m a mess.
She’s happy, I’m depressed.
She’s a fake, I am real.

My mask is perfect, she hides me.
Even better, nobody sees through her.
Or do they even care?

I slit my wrist to erase the pain,
You look at me, and think I'm insane,
My eyes turn red, bleeding my tears,
And still you try to protect me from my worst fears.

Look at my scars then you will see,
Why I can't seem to go around and fake happy,
Yet you tell me you love me, that you'll forget,
For I'll soon be gone, and I'll be your greatest regret.

So let me die, broken and scarred,
I can't deal with life, it's getting far too hard,

Everything's gone wrong, it's not worth trying,
So leave me alone because I feel like I'm dying,
I don't want you to worry,
Because my life is ending in a hurry,

I'll be fine, and happy you see,
Death is what I wished for and soon it will be.

Countless nights I cried,
Thinking of way to forget you;
Being hurt cannot be denied,
Because you have changed my life.

Spending my time for you was unfair;
Waking up from this foolishness
Came just too late.

Is it right to love someone like you,
Who touched my heart, so true?
But what are these tears for?

A teardrop of happiness
That taught me how to lie,
Tears of loneliness that made me cry

Some say "that's the way life goes",
Some will hurt and love you, who knows?
Life happens, and I have to accept that now.

I feel pain everyday,
Seeing the scars on my wrist.
No one understands me,
My life is at risk.

Waiting everyday for the worst,
With a razor blade in my hand.
Getting ready to cut my wrist,
I can't wait until my life ends.
I see the cuts and scars on My wrist.
Wanting my life to end every night.

People don't understand depression,
Thinking only Mental people have it.
But no one knows how it feels,
The life I live is real.

Teachers and parents walk by,
Seeing the scars on my wrists.
Never knowing,
I'm waiting for the day I die.

Shattered soul, tattered mind.
The way out is what I hope to find.
Old dreams lost without a trace.
Lately I've been feeling a little out of place.

Broken heart fills me with sorrow.
Please tell me there will be a better tomorrow.
This shiny, silver aid.
Why, when I hold it, am I not afraid?

Look into my eyes; see what they reveal.
What you will find is what these bracelets and sleeves conceal.
The hurt, the pain
As it keeps me somewhat sane.

That voice in my head seems so eager
As it whispers, go a little deeper.

Sometimes I cut myself just to feel the pain
Then I hide my scars
Because of all the shame
The pain is awful
I do it just to feel
Sometimes I have to make sure everything's still real

My life has been bad
I do it to forget
I cut my arms
Then I cry as I sit alone in my room
Hoping for someone
To save me from this
So I can finally say I've won

I want to quit this habit
But I still reach for the blade
I cry out in pain
My arm turns that familiar red shade
I get that adrenalin rush
The blood runs over my hand

I have to stop this ****
I need to become someone new

One minute we were laughing and fine
I was your best friend and you were mine
I loved the way when I was with you my whole world shined
I just didn’t know our moments together were being timed

The next minute you act like you don’t know me at all
I saw you trying to fade away, trying to not be tall
Your eyes so firmly focused on the ground
I tried to talk to you but you didn’t make a sound

I knew our friendship had some issues
I just didn’t think my bin would be filled with all these tissues
It has been the longest 5 days in history
All I have been thinking about is this mystery

What did I do wrong this time?
I’m sorry I am who I am
I tried to change for you but I don’t think I can

Those nights we spent on the phone till midnight
They were just small memories, but I need to forget them now we’re done.
I know your secrets, I have kept them all this time
I know all of your deepest darkest fears
I guess you don’t know mine
My biggest fear is losing you
Guess what?
I’m scared, because it’s true.

People always ask, “why?”

Why do you smoke?
Why do you cut?
Why do you drink?
Why are you sad?
Why do you starve?

The answer is always the same.
It gets me away from the cruel world.
The one that we live in.
Others agree.

This world is so blind
So oblivious
It can’t even see all the pain that it causes.

Leaves pain and sorrow in its hungry path.
The path for money, power, “love”.

Hurting so many,
Just for that one rush.
For that one day,
Hour, minute, second
Was it worth it?
Next time you are hungry,
Look back at that people you leave
They are hungry, cold, crying for love.

I’m one of those people
You didn’t notice,
Did you?

Well,
That’s why I’m how I am.
That’s why.

Everyday around quarter past three,
You burst into the bathroom searching for me,
I get hidden by your mother while you are away,
Hidden, unused for most of the day,
I feel your anger and sorrow as your hand grips me tight,
I'm the one & only thing that helps you sleep at night,
I live to put scars upon your wrist,
I leave my mark I'm proud of this,
I watch as the beautiful red blood pattern drips,
And runs off the ends of your fingertips,
What possesses humans to act like this,
To scream, cry & cut their wrists,
But for now my job is clear
The reason that I was brought here
To relieve the pain
To sit by the window and watch the rain,
Up until around quarter past three
When you burst into the bathroom searching for me..

Rain, rain, go away,
Because of you the pain will stay.
Slit my throat, cut out my heart,
Leave me here, tear it apart.

Poison tears stream down my face,
My heart beats at a steady pace
As I try to stand again;
Alone and standing in the rain.

I don’t need you anymore…
Is what I think while tears pour.
I hate you like I hate my life;
But love is what cuts like a knife.

Love is death and death is you;
Its pain stains like a black tattoo.
Those memories come back again
And bind me in the ropes of pain.

Crimson blood streams down my head
Like a long, silk ribbon, tied by a thread,
To a platinum bullet, a hole in my skull…

...Now just a memory that’s faded and dull.

Actions/Feelings:
I find comfort in you
Even if it's just for a while
You never judge me as I drink you down

You are both my medicine
And my poison
Things are better
When I have you with me

You can be different
Anytime I choose
Powerful and relaxing
Making everything bearable

I feel empty
When you are full
When I have no one else
You are always there to comfort me

Aftermath:
A sip was all it took

A sip to feel good
A sip to feel nice

A sip was all it took

The sip made her dance
The sip made her shout
The sip made her lose it

But a sip was all it took

A sip to block out the doubt
A sip to **** the thought
A sip to drown the pain

A sip was all it took

Roll it up, take a puff.
You'd like to share,
Though there's never enough.

Roll another, light it up.
Forget your life, and live it up.
Tears, secrets, lies, and cuts.
None of that's allowed here,
Just fill your cup up.

Take a sip,
Forget the world.
Forget the past,
Get the girl.

Forget she hasn't eaten,
Forget your wrists are bleeding.

Just kiss the **** girl,
And light it up.
Take a sip,
And pass her the cup.

One last night,
Just one more oblivious night.
Haze in your mind,
Forgetting wrong and right.

You know that song
That says I’ll love you
Until the desert floods
And the grass turns blue?

I bet you think it’s still true.
Well, newsflash,
You left and it ended.
You made the dash.

I drowned in sorrow for a while.
Then I saw you so happy.
I hope she’s worth it
Cause you made me feel so ******.

Life goes on,
Or so they say.
You’ll realize how wrong you were,
At least I hope, some day.

By then, I’ll have moved on.
In fact, I’ll have disappeared.
Don’t even bother looking, cause
I’ll be long gone.

You know that song
That says I’ll love you
Until the desert floods
And the grass turns blue?

I bet you think it’s still true.
Well, newsflash,
You left and it ended.
You made the dash.

I drowned in sorrow for a while.
Then I saw you so happy.
I hope she’s worth it
Cause you made me feel so ******.

Life goes on,
Or so they say.
You’ll realize how wrong you were,
At least I hope, some day.

By then, I’ll have moved on.
In fact, I’ll have disappeared.
Don’t even bother looking, cause
I’ll be long gone.

I may be metal and have no heart
But in your life I have become a part
As I carve and carve at your tender wrist
I feel in your brain there must be a twist
Is it normal to turn to me for help?
When if I scar another they scream and yelp

Your feeling empty and rather alone
But I'm not left sitting alone in your home
In your bathroom cabinet I'm normally sealed
Although next to your heart your dreams become real
You use me to express your raw self hate
But should I be used in this way to create
The pain that you long for, you yearn for to feel
You want me for pleasure but your pain is real

What your feeling inside, it's not what you show
Unless it's you and me in the bath tub alone
You try to keep secrets from those who protect
But is it right for this secret to be kept
I know how you feel can not be ignored
But the slitting and cutting cannot be endured

I know that I that I hurt you and that's what you want
But you've gotten so pale, and withered and gaunt
I shouldn't worry, you'll stop one day
But the deep dark scars will not go away

As the scarlet fountain seeps from your arm
I really wish you wouldn't do so much harm
But how can I protect? How can I save?
When I am nothing but your trusty razor blade.

I’m Not Gonna
I told you how I felt,
You turned the other cheek
I was basically rejected
I feel so small, so very weak

I found the reason why I always keep to myself
I hate this feeling of pain
Of being rejected like I'm not good enough
This will happen never again

I'm tired of letting people in
I'm tired of being alone
I'm tired of being rejected and hurt
This is it that feelings gone

I'm not gonna let you in
I'm not gonna let you see my tears fall
I'm not gonna let you see me hurt
I'm not gonna let you bring me down most of all

I told you how I felt,
I wanted you to know
But apparently you would never feel the same
So I guess it’s time for me to go

You left me with pain, that I cannot hide.
You left me with pain all curled up inside.
The word love means nothing to you

I cried and cried and hurt myself too.
When I think of you I slap myself

You shattered my heart like a piece of glass
And I can't stand to see you in class.
I tried and tried to win you back...
But you just said "I got her back."

Night after night I hear myself cry,
Wishing and wishing that I would just die.
I have no life and that's the truth.

You broke my heart and killed it too.

Pain is not an emotion I know
Yet it's all I know
I can't feel it
Nor can I heal it

I’ve experienced suffering
Yeah, sometimes it hurt
But I grew numb to the feeling

That's all in the past now
But the memories still last

This may be hard to believe
For a girl whose just sixteen
But when I think the memories have left me
They come back to haunt me

You may find it hard to believe
But sometimes late at night I cry
Until I feel dead inside

So don't think I don't know pain
Because pain is all I've known.

I love you.

Those three words didn't mean a thing,
I thought we were meant to be,
But I guess it was just a fling,

There's a wall around my heart, stopping me from crying,
But there's something inside of me,
That feels like it's dying.

You were everything, I needed, care for,
I chose you, but now my heart is sore,
You will never realize, that you were my best friend too,

Believe me when I say this,
I really did love you.

How is that I cry all night,
Yet all you do is smile
And think everything is all right
How is it that when I look up at you
You can't look me in my eyes
And when ever I want to talk
All you want to do is make me cry

Is it that you take pleasure in playing games with my heart
Ever since I've given it to you all you can do is tear it apart

How is it you declare your love to me one day
And yet I see you on some other girls arm the next day
How is it that you can hold me and look me in the eyes
And then turn around and tell me so many lies

How is it that you were able to make me feel so low
That I wanted to pack my things and get ready to go

How come I'm only yours when the time is right
How come when ever I want to love you. You always want to fight

How come you want to deny your love for me
And turn your back so fast
But don't forget I'm the one who loved you
And held you in the past

When you were in pain it was only me there standing by your side
When you wanted to run and leave I was the one ready to ride

When you had so many doubts and you couldn't find your way
I was the one who knew what ever to say

But you can't take my love for granted
And expect me to wait till the time is right
Because I'm tired of not being your number one girl
And always kept out of people's sight

At times I want to get back at you
And cause you so much pain
But even if I did do that
I know there would be nothing to gain

You couldn't have stayed with the good woman
Only run to the trash.
Yea I'm going to miss you. Yea I might cry
Yea I might look at you when you pass by
But the heart you once had of mine is no longer there
You can be with them other girls.
But they can never compare
To the love that I gave you
So when you finally realize that
Just give me my thanks.. But
Just don't come back

I take my second big hit
The dark room becomes lit
It's starting to make me feel good
Just like it should
I'm confused and I don't care to worry
My memories are becoming blurry

By the time the joint comes back around
I can't get off the ground
Starting to loosen up, I'm starting to forget
My heart is beating so fast, I'm starting to sweat
Can't remember what pill I took
Didn't bother to look
As long as it takes everything away
And eases the pain for today
It's my turn again, I cough and choke
But I still take another ****
I'm so happy it's unreal
I can't explain how great I feel
So many ridiculous words are spoken

My heart no longer feels broken
Laughing so hard I begin to cry
I can hardly hold my head up high
He is no longer swaying from a tree
Now nothing can bother me
My pulse is really starting to race
But at least I can't see his face
I can try to quit
Or cut down a little bit
But this is all I can do to make him go away
Because he haunts my mind every second of the day

Paxil to make you happy
**** to make you high
Nyquil to make you sleep
Energy shots to make you active

I’m told to feel a certain way
Suddenly heartbreak doesn’t feel sad
And tears don’t feel salty anymore
Love doesn’t feel good at all
And pain is something I can’t feel
A drug filled world is where I live.

Prozac to make you glad
Mary Jane to make you rad
Atarax to make you tired
Dayquil to make you work

Living life sounds make believe
A drug filled world I where I live

Zoloft to make you smile
Mushrooms to make you fly
Tylenol to make you weak
Aleve to make you strong

I’m losing my mind
My heart seems to have stopped
And my mind can’t control me anymore
A drug filled world is where I live.

Did you enjoy my pain?
Was it fun to watch me fall?
You where the reason why I became this way

Everyday, my life is tormented by nightmares,
Nightmares that are my reality
Do you feel nothing for what you have done?
Have you ever thought how your actions might affect others?

While I trusted you, you plotted my demise
You told me you cared for me, but it was all a lie
I shouldn't have trusted your sweet lies
Was it your plan to destroy my soul?
What was your purpose for making me suffer?

I feel helpless in this dark abyss that you have created
As the years pass by, it grows bigger
Being nurtured by my growing sorrow.

You’re the reason for these scars on my body.
All of your white lies, fake feelings, and hidden hatred.
I wouldn’t wish this life upon anyone,
Even you.
Because I have a soul.
You clearly don’t.


My whole being has been twisted by your selfishness
My understanding of life is so much different than others..
What they see as torment, I see as pleasure.

I use to wish for my salvation
But now I only wish to feel my own suffering
For I have grown to love the feeling of torment
I love to see the scars on my skin
And feel the scars on my soul

If only you knew the real me
You would cry and pity me.
But I wish you never to know.
For I still cling to that hope
Of you becoming the person you once were.

Karma will catch you
And she is a *****.
She is livid with you.
Better run or change your ways.
You’ll pay in the end for what you have done.

Fires ablaze within my eyes,
A smile concealing all my lies,
Screaming, begging, calling out,
A final, frantic, desperate, shout.

Scarlet tears drip from each vein,
A vehement covet to end this pain,
This silver blade, stays by my side,
Because all hope inside has died.

As each day ends, and darkness draws,
The devil toys, with all my flaws,
I'm helpless, alone, a worthless mess,
A broken child, he must address.

I'm tempted when he calls my name,
A way out, an escape, an end to shame,
To make it feel a lot less real,
A deal with the Devil, in blood must I seal.

They'll say I died of suicide,
But no one knows how much they've lied,
It wasn't a rope, a blade, or pills,
That broke my soul, and gave me chills.
I died inside so long before,
To live each day, an endless chore,
Pills could not **** what was already dead,
A twisted soul of an empty head.

I beckon the devil, with the key of self-harm,
And I open the door for him, with the blood of my arm.