sometimes in the dark of 1am2ammidnight
i sit alone in my car
under a purple sky
chest heaving under the weight of panic
arm bleeding from letting some of it out
eyes wide open
knowing if i could
just be thinner
everything would be okay
if i can just
be hungry a little longer
everything will
be normal
and maybe
he will want me
but he isn't the issue here.
and i know
that even if the light can one day
flit through my bones
through my skin
even if water can run down
my cheekbones
like floods over a cliff
even if fingers can hide in the ridges
of my ribcage
i know
that it wont help
and i will still be alone
at 1am2ammidnight
in my car
eyes wide with panic

i have a map of places i can’t go without thinking of you. from the park to the waterfall, to the ******* halls of that ******* high school, even the roads when I’m driving late at night because you made it a habit for me that i can’t even begin to break. these places pinpoint in my mind, glowing stars all individual until they join up to make the constellation that was us.
i live in a ghost town and i want out.

I forgot what it was like
to stay up past the point of exhaustion,
just to see my phone light up
with your name on it.

It makes me feel special again.
Like we're the only ones awake
in this bustling world.

A secret kept between
me
you
and the atmosphere.

Thinking of us and the asphalt
and how amazing it felt
at 3AM.
Streetlights dancing on our skin,
tracing your ears
and shoulders
and other places I like to nuzzle.

The pavement
reading the traces of your fingertips
on my back
like braille.
Every breath vibrating in the air.

Using each other as a blanket,
wrapping my limbs around you.
Scarfing up and down the road.
Sinking into this.

I'm in love with someone's daughter
living in the shards of a broken home
Cutting herself on two year-old letters
These are moments she can't fake;
reasons to feel alone
So used to abuse, her tears start to shake
I hold her close as her head starts to ache
"I love you too much,
so I can't let your heart break."
She said, "I know you love me,
but you've made a mistake."

I never meant for anyone to be my pulse.
I promise not to step on your feet
if you teach me how to waltz.