I wish you the best
Along with your death
Scars fading just like your
kisses, Coated with a love filled hatred

The day we first met
The night burned bright
The moon lighting that first
Laced joint, tainted by tears
Of your shattered heart
Kept alive by a little girl
Asking if you're alright
She was me at age 9
Just wanting to see you
Smile

We grew to realize we weren't so different
Pushed away by those we only wanted
To make proud
We'd stay up late and smile
That we'd finally found someone
Who understood how it felt to
Be alone and starved for a love
That was more than just
Touch

Grade eight the love started
Innocence of
Colliding lips blowing
Smoke of putrid chemicals
Acid burning through their tongues
THC thicker than our blood
Laughing at the people who
Thought they were better than us
They weren't
We were the king and queen of chaos
Collecting the shells of shattered
Beings and  making them alive
Again
An angry army of
Broken hearts and high minds

The first slap came
Five months in love
In the school halls
Everyone stopped and stared
I just laughed and so did they
You didn't
You stared at your hand
As if it had acted on its own
I pretended it didn't happen even though my
Friends warned me that
This was only the beginning
I should have listened
Why didn't I listen?

Was I blinded by love or was it
Fear?
I think it was love
You were everything to me
My heart
My soul
My future

High school came
And brought around change
He got me to do
More than I ever wanted
Dmt
Shrooms
Pills
The rest
My life became a pool of
****** up lies and a disguise
Made of a chipping smile
And dying eyes

His world scared me
Intoxicated me
Brought me to tears
Annihilated me
It was beautiful
I never felt more alive

The slaps continued
Got worse
I stayed because
I knew he loved me
He loved me
Right?

He wouldn't have
Held me all those nights
Kept me alive
Healed my cuts
And sewed me back
Together

Then came the day
His fingers curled around my throat
In front of
All those who had warned me
All except one
She hadnt known
I told him to leave
I let him go
It was too much
Too much
Imsorry

To this day
The pain still shows
The memories remain
I'll never understand
What I did wrong
Did I do wrong?

Was it my fault?
Was I not enough?
Were my hands too much?
Did my touch burn right through your skin
Into the wounds on your guts?

I made the blood
Boil and burn
Till your bones became nothing
But charred ashes
That burned holes through your heart
Scared you weren't good enough
Scared I would leave
That you weren't enough

But god did we try
We tried to stay alive
On a love built from pain
Brought on by those
We
Just
Wanted
To
Love

We are told from the time we are born
To trust in authority
To believe in them like they hold
Our lives in their hands
We were to respect and abide by
The laws they presented
We were to follow the leader
Fall in line
Never question never fear

But as we grew up
I began to realize
All the white lies
We couldn't see with our eyes
They were flowing through one ear
Right out the other
No hope to break the chains left around us
Because it's better to just
Blend
Bend
Break
With the crowd
Never have doubt
Just keep quiet don't make a sound

We cannot be free
Unless we fight
We cannot be free
Unless we change them
We have to be free
To be happy
To be safe
To have a world free of corruption

But no
It'll never happen
Because all we ever hear is
"Repeat after me, we are free"

Tell me I don't ******* matter to you because I need to hear it. Tell me I never meant anything to you. It was a cheap lie I bought from all the people from your time.

I want to ******* hear those words slither from your throat so I won't feel like its wrong anymore. That this hatred is justified. I never thought anyone would love me again.

I never thought of be whole again. And I'm not. And I won't. Because you stole something from me, years ago. My innocence. You stained me black and red with your putrid, filthy mind. I was kind. I gave a ****.

Now all I feel is hate. And anger. I never wanted to be like this. I never wanted to feel like this. But look at me now. I'm just as awful as you.

Aren't I.

One day you will grow tired of
         Listening to me fall apart and ***** about the unimaginable
         Hatred in my heart that will never go away. One day you will realize
         That you don't feel like trying anymore because it's just too hard
          To deal with my ups and downs that it's too hard to try and pull
           Me away from the hands of my demons. One day you are going to
           see  that I've never been good enough because your intentions are
           Totally pure while my soul was tainted so many years ago