She was raised with The Notebook,
brain wired to love,
heart hungry for a sunrise lover.

Waited and dated
but words always got in the way,
and he'd write goodbye
with his hips between her thighs.

And then it happened.
She fell.
He didnt.

Cheated of a good tending to;
she left.
Lit their memories on fire
but was left with ashes.
She cried from December til May.

I've given my love to other men
but never let myself fall.
When down is up and up is down,
I forgot how to along the way.

So tonight
I wanna *******
in the vain attempt
that my loving
will keep you
coming back as my
2 AM lover.

I fall a little in love with anyone who shows me their broken soul,
I get stuck on their flaws,
The rawness of their unguarded honesty in this guarded world.
I myself am broken – the realization and admission of it has set me free.
Free to see myself in pieces, free to recraft myself, free to love myself.
I know a man that says he’s broken,
I spend my days listening to his beautifully spoken, voiceless, sad words.
But my God when I look at that man all I can do is smile.

Somehow I’ll get through to your tangled messy brain that your pieces are mesmerizing,
That every piece is full of potential and breathtaking.
We’re mosaics crafted by our 2 am talks when were tired as hell,
A paradox of purity and sin - a cracked diamond; a perfect flaw.

The truth is we are both forever alone people.
But maybe I like you more when you’re half asleep in my bed.

It's at dusk with the setting of the sun
that unimportant memories of the day are forgotten
and old ones trickle back slowly.
It's in the brief seconds of twilight
that dreams and reality mesh,
never truly revealing which is leaving you.
This blissful ignorance is riddled with
false hope which never lasts.

In the fog of an overtired mind a light appears,
and guides the memory to wander a little further.
Revealing a faith lost to this world,
In this fleeting dusk I forget how this all ends,
and I'm ok with lying to myself.

Wanted someone so much that it hurts,
because after meeting them you know they will always be a part of you.
A piece of you that you can never get back
until they give you a piece of them in return.

Layed in someones arms and felt so comfortable
that it felt like you finally were where you are supposed to be.
Someone that somehow makes you feel more like
yourself then you ever have before.

Put in continued effort that never comes close to matched,
but you push though because you hope from the deepest part of your heart
that maybe, just maybe, they will one day feel the same.

Known you deserve better,
but you can't walk away,
because you love them so wholly,
and don't want anyone else.

Stayed up all night sick to your stomach,
knowing they are fine with ignoring you.
Yet you cry uncontrollably over them,
until you finally fall asleep.

Been made to feel so small and unimportnant,
but you just cant accept that.
So you push and push til your exhausted
and just give up cause your heart is so broken it cant take anymore.

Had to walk away from the best thing
that ever happened to you.
So that maybe, just maybe,
they would finally realize what they had.

My soul is tainted
And my fate clearly doomed.
Forgiveness is what I need, but my chances are slim.
I know I'm guilty as sin, but I'll never do it again.

I watched as your gaze met her hollow eyes.
You held your body tight to hers.
My emerald heart poured through my chest
As you dance together again and again.
You are the prey in my line of fire and
what was hers would soon be mine.

Taking you was too easy.
Seems she didn't love you after all.
But me, I craved your essence.
Crimson feelings subdued me
As our hearts and bodies intertwined.

My soul filled up on you, and then some.
Your love was all
That could nourish me.
My appetite never satisfied.
I never got enough of you.

I watched as others admired you,
Envious of the prize I stole.
But they could never do what I did,
They had neither my wit, my charm, nor my alluring appeal.
You could never want anyone else but me.

You belonged to only me and not the world.
I was not going to share you
Or let you go. As my eyes filled up with jade hues,
I gripped you tight so no one
Would take you from me. No one.

Yet underneath it all, I was weakened.
Caught up in you, I did nothing, went nowhere.
When you went out, I sat alone.
In an empty room staring at the white, lifeless walls
All day and all night waiting, waiting.... and nothing else.

When you did return,
You brought back the stench of tequila and perfume too.
The love mark on your collar told me secrets you couldn't hide.
Blood boiled in my skin and four-letter words ripped though my voice.
I threw my fist into the wall, easing the pain of my broken heart.

I have to admit, you learned from the best,
Breaking hearts was our virtue.
Looking back, I can't really place blame
For what you did I've erred too.
I've made my bed
And this is now where I lie
Full of regret and remorse.

I know I'm guilty as sin,
But I swear I'll never do it again.

The only words spewed from your ignorant lips:
don't, can't,
never will be
good enough.
You pushed onto me your insecurities
about life, love.
By-and-by, I'll escape you and your
Endless emotional problems.

I already know what I can be.
I never needed you to fill me with doubt,
led by your own failures,
you tried to discourage me.
But no longer will you force your
limits onto my unbounded dreams.

I spend the majority of my time writing love songs for nobody
because I do not love you, but rather who you are not.
And when we gamble, neither of us can break even
But something about you, something about the
way you kissed me; louder than a summer storm, softer than the spring rain.
Still it's strange to think to myself, "no one has me like he has me".
I have such strong feelings contained within such
an empty heart; but it is fragile, small:
if you wanted, you could tear it to shreds with just your hands.

I dare to be labeled a *****.
A **** who enjoys nothing more
than the idea of being loved.
My lovers never fall, they're shoved.
Pushed, until they become a bore.

The next assumes the one before
left my heart in need of a cure.
Imitations of their beloved
I dare to be.

Attempts to decipher my core.
Believing my true essence wore.
Believing that I'm somehow above
my defensive portrayal of
this taboo label of a *****.
I dare to be.

- Jezebel

It smells of rain,
the air; thick with it.
Uneven sidewalk has morphed into a bed for worms and filth.

Debris obedient to the wind land in the pond that fell from above,
The island floats, swirls, and bobs,
Its summoned toward the edge and is lost to the abyss of the gutter.

The path has turned into a melancholy lake,
juices of the soft earth devour my feet,
hills evolve to swamp.

Trees grow heavy with the gift sent from above,
so heavy they turn into second hand gifts for me.

Leaves fall to the ground in random precision,
Piles of butterfly wings blown by the wind.
This field is a palate from the artist with the dark face that hides in the sky

I have longed and longed,
For what I cannot say,
To get rid of whom I cannot comment.

But a relief is desperately in need,
A relief from the disappointment,
A relief from the sufferings and fighting.

Relief only comes in the form of tears,
Tears that carry away the words my heart wants to say,
But my mouth cannot bear to bring to life.

Burning bridges light the road to your destiny,
Selling the real estate of my heart you once owned a large part of.
Relief.

Upbeat and positive;
But no, the ache will remain.

There I stood.
Body trembling, hearing only manic depressive echoes.
On one side, mournful cries, on the other, sheer harmonics.
There was a feeling of dream-like reality.
Some great force enveloped my body, compelling me to stagger forward.
With no realization of the whereabouts of my being,
I conceded to follow my feelings, as I always did.
With each step I took,
I could see and feel and experience a new part of my life that had already happened.
It was a chronological walk in time.

The conflicting noises ahead continued to get louder and more distinct.
On one side there was a gnashing of teeth; screaming and yelling ruled.
It was riotous, and strange looking people were festering about.
They scowled and spat at me; the smell--repelling.
On the other side, there was a great feeling of unity.
Great stillness and serene calmness.
An entity secure within itself.
There were much fewer on this side.
I chose to walk close to this side.

My knees buckled, but I miraculously remained standing.
There I stood; facing the Creator.

Anticipating God’s words, I prematurely smiled expecting open arms.  
God, in all His righteous power, simply pointed at me and thundered;
“I know ye not!”

There I stood… body trembling.

Cotton painted clouds in the winds they do ride
Upon depth-blue skies
The warm bronze sun is fixed
By stagnant breezes’ matrix
Surely, there’s no tempest to compromise

Majestic mountains with proud protruding cliffs
Unblemished beauty, no buts or ifs
The water a certain green blue
So crystal clear its sea through
Look about, there are no shopping eyes
Surely, there’s no havoc to compromise

There’s no fear in which to wallow
Hallowed is this enticing hollow
It’s me in perfect harmony
With the universe you see
It fevers me!

Its mystical fog rolls in and out like the tide;
calm and restful or merciless and destructive,
this sea can be a blessing to man,
but it has also hardened many hearts.

In this serene state I can comprehend how long the universe is,
the time involved in eternity,
and the grains of sand in a googolplex,
serenity unmatched.

The windswept countenance is breath taking,
a stepping stone to the heavens,
the exhilarating panorama exalts me,
then humbles me because of its magnificent beauty.
It demands reverence for it is glorious.

The brute beauty of what I saw before me consumed my body,
I couldn’t look away.
A long narrow winding path of gravel and dirt,
Surrounded by hills of blueberry patches on either side.
Sanctuaried by the cold familiar wind.
The storming sea sat in front of me roaring against the rocky beach,
Listening to harmonious thundering of the waves,
The sun darted across the water,
As I lie back in the grass.

Unable to read your convoluted smile ,
I trusted you with the undiluted faith of a child.
Lightly forsaken, a new fetish of the hour,
Yielding to a physiology of morals.
Your degenerate love travels though me like influenza.
As you fall into your drunken sleep,
I’m just a weary dancing girl,  
Snorting the pieces of my heart for one last high.
Regulating my hatred for you,
Ill leave it to fates spite,
As I walk out the door.

You think
‘cause I live in
A pretty house I don’t
feel pain and haven’t felt things that
leave scars?

There’s more
than my happy
smile that meets your eye.
Been told “I wish I aborted you”,  
seen her

convulse
on the kitchen
floor. Caught her with men, caught
her with women,  and watched her walk away
without

regrets.
I’ve been lied to,
manipulated, and
abandoned. So don’t cry to me and
tell me

you wish
you had my life.
You don’t know me. I’m not
exempt.

Time to be free,
to set my mind between a world of sense and one of joy.
A two tab kind of day.
Tiny white papers in my pocket made their way under my tongue,
I sat there for a bit,
chewed and swallowed.
Waiting for my body to sink,
to hit that deep bottomless interiority;
I sat fixed on the horizon.
Tall beautiful pines towered over the cove,
casting it with shadows of remorse.
Serenity, peace dropped slowly over me from the veils of darkness.
Longing for the visitings of imaginative power,
to set me free from the pit of my own mind.  
Butterflies left the sky above and made their way to my body,
soon they fled from my empty gullet,
oozed their way to my hands and feet;
the tingles embraced me.
Restlessness.

You, you ***** fool, you, you
Sit there with your slicked
Back black hair and a fine ripe ***
In a comfortable chair and
Read your ****** poems to
A class full of women who
Want you so bad, but nobody
Wants you more than me, you
***** ***** fool you

You mysterious man, you
Lounging there with your chiseled face
A smile so warm,
That draws us all in,
Making me long for you,
That’s what you do
Oh how I do want you