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I never thought you’d make me cry
Until the night you asked
You asked me if there was anyone who could possibly see you
See you the way I’ve seen you for so long
My heart is aching
I want to shout
I feel defeated
Defeated because you can’t see!
See what I thought was so apparent
So I'll sit here and cry myself to sleep tonight
And admit the defeat that I never thought I would
I literally just wrote this. I'll probably come back and tweak this later but right now I just wanted to post it. I've never felt more defeated than I do now. Commentary welcome. Thanks
 Jan 2013 Rachel Brainard
E
Time keeps her moonlight
dripping, day after day
breaking, we reach toward
something beyond us:
We consider the lilies, the birds,

The trees budding promises into the air,
The breeze tasting of rainwater,  
The chalkdust collecting in our open palms
like childhood dreams, in our hearts.

Pulled forward from the shadows,
Fast, by the spotlight of spring.
We are understudy actors:
finally on the stage, but surprised
by the drama of split tea,  
rainkissed pauses, and almost burn
down the apartment.

All the while, the moon smiles thinly:
time-light in the sky, in our eyes.

We've a long distance yet to travel.
Our footsteps press into mud and freeze
toward the West, where we learned to be happy.
I gaze East into the unknown,
not quite deciding to be brave.
While you search heaven for a piece of your soul:
The skylark, ascending.
 Jan 2013 Rachel Brainard
N23
Sunday
 Jan 2013 Rachel Brainard
N23
Jesus is not here
to appreciate the way
my legs look in this skirt.

And so

I will settle for you.

And the look on your face
when you realized
that I knew
what you were so
intensely
focused on
was not

The
Word of God.
Water under
the bridge,

rolling
and
tumbling,

kissing
the river's
edge,

trees
bend
in a breeze.

A  lonesome
moon
calls out
to the stars
ignoring
their
true
light.

A *****
strikes
the earth,

over turning
a crawlers
night lunch.

A bottle
of ***
shared
by two

who steer
clear
of the fires
orangey
fingers.

Fingers
to fry
the catch
under
the
night's sky.
 Dec 2012 Rachel Brainard
-D
a tear is forming on
the beginnings of the healing marks upon my heart--
the words pull the jagged scarring apart
[the words you tell me in abrupt moments of precisely practiced and most delirious serendipity],
as you say:
i was never meant to love you,
but i'm also not meant to leave you.


just leave, you sadistic thorn in my flesh,
and don't dare to think you may breathe from my same lungs again,
that you might hoist yourself over me,
[the words you whispered once in barest moments of agonizing vulnerability]
as you say,
i want to feel all of your skin
on all of my skin.


is it not enough for me to hear those words knocking at my door,
barking,
their claws sinking in to the wood,
tearing at the elm barricade,
[the words you speak as a wolf howls at the door and as a dog begs for scraps]
as you say,
i will decide how you are to love me,
and how you are not to?


no--
i hold your face in my hands,
sink my nails into your skin,
tear one last glance from your vacuous eyes,
and say with my own words,
**i am not
listening.
The tiny town's
talented tailor
swiftly sews silken suits,
in his shop he plays the Wailers,
Bob Marley fills his boots.
Beside his shop
sits Susie's Sushie,
she serves him lunch
every Tuesday,
he leaves a tip because
she treats him well,
he's got a crush
and she can tell.
After lunch
it's back to work,
measuring here
and stitching there,
everything is done
just savoirfaire.
All the town folk
say he is the master,
he smiles at this
and works all the faster.
Then on the corner
the clock strikes five,
with the last suit hung
he says enough of this jive.
He shuts the light
and locks the door,
nine bells tomorrow
he'll be back for more.
 Dec 2012 Rachel Brainard
Hilda
Sometimes when ev'ning lamps are ebbing low
And all the earth lies hushed in solemn sleep
Within my lonely heart there burns a glow,
As lengthening shadows about me creep.

My weary glance falls o'er the dismal room
Where with rapturous eyes I seem to see
Beyond thick cobwebs, dust and direst gloom
A merry host of friends-my own library!

Worn musty books on shelves from olden days,
Brittle pages yellowed by hands of time,
Illuminating night with gladsome rays,
Lifting my bleak spirit to realms sublime.

Trooping merrily before my rapt gaze
Into flick'ring lamplight I watch them come,
Quaint men and ladies of forgotten days;
Golden laughter echoing in my home.

Into my eyes they smile, murm'ring with grace
Aerial speech they blithely chat with me,
They seem to belong to another race
Wakening in my heart sweet melody.

Dying lamplight sputters and they are gone.
Vanished! I stare about but find I none
Save a drowsy thrush flutes with hush of dawn
Only myself in the parlour alone.

~Hilda~
© Hilda December 9, 2012
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