Sometimes,
I wonder,
Do you think about me?
Not a day goes by that
I don't think of you.
The way you
Never failed to tell me you loved me,
Always made my day brighter,
Helped me through my depression,
The way you were there for me in a time where I was at my darkest.
How you hated tomatoes, except on pizza.
How you wanted to be in the Army.
How you called me every night before I went to bed,
Just to tell me I make you happy.
How we planned our wedding,
Named our kids not yet born.
How I kissed the scars on your wrist,
Because they were part of you,
And you were beautiful.

Sometimes,
I wonder,
Did you care at all?
Was it hard to cheat on me
Or was it easy as breathing?
Was it hard to remember to tell me you loved me?
Was it hard to love me at all?
Did I not try hard enough or too much?
Did you forget what you promised me,
Or did you not care?
Was it easy to leave her?
Was it easy to lead me on?
Was it easy to leave me the way you found me,
Broken and hopeless?

Sometimes,
I wonder,
How I got through those lonely nights,
Sobbing into my pillow
Because I lost the only light that I had.
How I knew no one could love me the way you did,
If you loved me at all.
How I didn't just drag that knife over my neck
As I dreamed of doing so many times.
How you left me with the monsters in my head,
With no love to fend them off.


Sometimes,
I wonder,
Do you think about me?
Because I think of you.
Every day.
You were the first man I loved,
And the first person who taught me that
Love can destroy.
Because your love destroyed me.
You built me up,
And tore me down.
Do you think about how you hurt me?
How I cried over the phone,
When I told you I could no longer be with you.
When I chose my own sanity over our toxic love.
Over my toxic love.


Every day,
I remember
All the pain you put me through.
How the good times don't make the bad times more bearable.
How I wish you the best,
Because you weren't a bad person.
You were a ****** person,
Leading me on when you didn't really care.
But you weren't bad.
So I hope you get everything you deserve in life.
Because,
Sometimes,
The best way of moving on
Isn't letting go,
It's showing the person who did you wrong kindness,
And hoping they drown in it.

I am not overwhelmed; I am not underwhelmed.
I just lack motivation.
I am not lazy, nor apathetic,
I simply lack motivation.
I want to run a mile but I have the willpower of a corpse,
Wanting to just fall apart and decay so I can fertilize the flowers
So maybe then I’ll be useful.
Wanna go for a run?
Take a pill.
Wanna be normal?
Take a pill.
Wanna forget your depression for a while?
Take a pill.
Take a pill.
Take a pill.

I want to go to parties,
Make friends,
Write words that flow seamlessly across the page
With clear intent of my feelings at 3 am,
When I am supposed to be at my most creative.
Instead, I stay at home on Netflix and the only thing flowing
Is one episode to the next.
Wanna go out without anxiety?
Take a pill.
Wanna not act all spazzy in front of everyone you speak to?
Take a pill.
Wanna forget your anxiety for a while?
Take a pill.
Take a pill.
Take a ******* pill.

But you want to be a productive member of society?
You can’t just take a pill.
Pills help you get up and make you go on with your life.
They don’t give you motivation.
Nothing can give you motivation.
Hope usually does, but I’m all out of that.

I know if I wasn’t, I could do or be whatever I wanted.
I could be a successful businesswoman,
I could be known for other things,
Like my ability to stand on a stage and perform.
I could even be a writer and properly end this poem.
But I simply lack the motivation.

Easy...
That's a good word.
Easy.
It perfectly describes
You
Me
Our relationship.
Easy
Effortless.

It was so effortless,
Me falling in love with you.
With your blonde hair
With a greenish-tint from being dyed a few times.
Your grey-blue eyes
And how your lips curved words like
"Broken"
"Fat"
and "Freak"
About yourself.

It was so easy to tell you I loved you.
I had known you for two years.
You said you felt the same.
The words just slipped from your lips,
Like a careless whisper spoken from a husband to a mistress.
You ******* *****.

How easy was it - was I?
How?
You said those three magic words
And I was yours.
You could do with me as you pleased and I'd never complain.
Easy...
I was easily manipulated, wasn't I?
So eager to believe you felt the same.

Our relationship was effortless and I don't think that's a good thing anymore.
Was it easy ignoring me once I was out of sight.
Out of sight
Out of mind
Out of love.

Your ex ******* girlfriend asked me if you were okay.
She was so worried so she decided to text me.
The truth spilled from both our lips once we realised
We were both the Other Woman.
No one truly had your heart,
But now we both didn't want it.
We wanted nothing to do with you.

I don't know what she's doing now.
I don't know what you're doing now.
All I know there is a growing list of people that want to kick your ***
For what you did.
But you don't care.
Not caring about me is the easiest thing of all for you.
So go **** yourself.
I don't care what you're doing.
I don't care who you're with.
You made your bed and one day,
Karma's gonna catch up to you.
Karma is only a ***** if you are.