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868 · May 2013
Died in her Sleep
Rachel May 2013
All I can smell is her famous apple pie
I hear Polish music in my head
This morning, my grandmother died

Daddy’s picking out a new black tie
Mommy’s sadly baking fresh bread
All I can smell is her famous apple pie

I’ve sat for hours wondering why
And how she ended up dead
This morning, my grandmother died

Finally let out a big long sigh
Released from the mortal dread
All I can smell is her famous apple pie

To God, or Jesus up in the sky
I don’t know how often I pled
This morning, my grandmother died

Finally my eyes are just bone dry
But there are tears coming up ahead
All I can smell is her famous apple pie
This morning, my grandmother died
749 · May 2013
Fertilizer
Rachel May 2013
Gone, gone, gone
Dead and gone
Never to return

Many soldiers
Street soldiers,
Not army men

Gone, gone, gone
Dead and gone
Never to return

My soldiers,
My friends,
Not strangers

Gone, gone, gone
Dead and gone
Never to return

They’re buried
Six feet down
Cross marked

Gone, gone, gone
Dead and gone
Never to return

Goodbye
Good luck
Rest easy

Gone, gone, gone
Dead and gone
Never to return
677 · May 2013
Same Streets Changed
Rachel May 2013
It’s crazy how you can walk the same streets
you used to walk, back in the old days
before there was any evil in the world,
and see the same people and the same sights
that made those streets so **** important.
Nothing has changed.

Yet, somehow, everything has changed.
Deeper and darker lay the streets
crisscrossed, jagged and important:
a reminder of the length of the days
of snipers with their sights.
Leaving nothing the same in the world.

Yet everything is the same in the world.
Things preserved, nothing changed.
The same old familiar sights,
the same old familiar streets.
A deep, permanent melding of the days –
nothing left to do, well, nothing important.

Okay, I guess a few things important
may have changed in the world.
A complete list may take days
days of all that changed.
Change both on and off the streets,
in the sounds, smells, and sights.

Violence permeated most of the sights
previously peaceful and important.
Those violent and peaceful streets
that fill up the whole entire world.
But only I can see how these changed,
because I watched it many days

Years made up of months made up of days
I watched out my window all the sights
so I would know how things changed.
But what changed is not most important
Not in this crazy, changing world –
Not on these peaceful, violent streets.

The days passed, so important –
the sights transformed because of the world.
I watched it change my peaceful, violent streets.
495 · May 2013
Drink
Rachel May 2013
I’m here to forget
That’s why I came –
To make it all go away
For a little relief
From the sound of my own mind

So I’ll have another
Straight up, this time
No, I’m not driving
I’m walking
Maybe I’ll walk it all away

Pass me another
Like the last
I need to make it go away
I need to forget
Maybe I’ll drink it all away

Give me one more
Come on – just one more
At the bottom of a glass
Relief’s hiding
I can drink it all away

One more
Last one
Need peace
Shut up
I need to make it go away

Just one more
Come on
Don’t make me beg
Well *******
You don’t know how much I need it

One more
****
*******
**** them
**** this

I just want it all to go away
493 · May 2013
Death's Return
Rachel May 2013
Death returned to her the beauty life had stolen.
Vacant eyes closed, resting.
A perfect, eternal sleep.
Hair perfectly permed,
Dark blue skirt-suit pressed,
Perfect.
Back to the way she was
In the beginning, not the end
The end stole her beginning
Death returned it.
458 · May 2013
Love Fear
Rachel May 2013
That four-letter word
brings discomfort
if said too soon
Or, for me, mostly,
if said at all
and yet
I find myself, oddly,
hoping you’ll say it
someday
maybe
not now.
I think.
Circle circle circle
You know my fear
That four-letter word
bigger than all the rest
the concept, that is.
Fear has four, too,
but fear doesn’t scare me
like the other does
Odd.
You’re different
better
than the others.
Maybe
with you
it wouldn’t be so
utterly terrifying.
Maybe
with you
I wouldn’t run.
Or maybe I would
and ruin everything.
You wouldn’t
You couldn’t
Because you’re different
better
than the rest.
So maybe
with you
Things could be different.
Maybe
with you
I wouldn’t be so
scared
of that small word
containing a whole world.
388 · May 2013
It's for the Best
Rachel May 2013
It’s for the best,
they all tell me
that’s what they all say

For the best?
She’s ******* dead
I don’t get it.

They all tell me
she went peaceful
So it’s okay

That’s what they all say
It’s okay
she went peaceful
it’s for the best
She’s ******* dead.

Church every Sunday
didn’t save her
You think it’d save me?

I’d be better off
jumping off a ******* cliff
than in that hellhole

It’s for the best,
they’d all say
with their best ‘sorry’ faces on

Go away.

She’s ******* dead.

You didn’t care when she was alive
Why do you care now?
She’s ******* dead.

Don’t tell me it’s for the best.
You don’t know.
You didn’t love her.
381 · May 2013
Remember
Rachel May 2013
I can’t stop remembering
every single moment I ever had with her
those moments are all I have
and I miss them all

I can’t stop remembering
every beautiful word she ever said
those words are all I have
and I miss them all

I can’t stop remembering
every wonderful thing she did for me
those things are all I have
and I miss them all

I can’t stop remembering
every warm sweater she made for me
those sweaters are all I have
and I miss them all

I can’t stop remembering
and I don’t want to

— The End —