I crave the attention but I won't admit it

I was in love with a boy, who just couldn't handle being in love with me

I was 8
Mom and dad were always fighting
I'd run to my closet
And close the doors
I could still hear the yelling
I begged them to stop
A couple of times
But they tucked me in bed
As if everything was fine
Then one day
They sat me down
In my little pink chair
They sat together
But farther apart than normal
On my bed
Starring at me
Just a little girl
With pigtails in her hair
Looking back
At mommy
And daddy
Everything got quiet
And then dad spoke up
He said baby girl
Mommy and I
Can't live together anymore
You'll see me every other week
And I'll be moving out
You can have a new room
With new toys
And it will all be okay
I didn't cry
I didn't say
I hated them
I just sat there quietly
Mom started crying
Saying it wasn't my fault
Or my big brothers
That there just comes a time
When you aren't happy anymore
And dad walked out
Mom soon followed
Dad moved away
I saw him every other week
They still fight now
When I'm 17
I realized I was always the reason
For the yelling and screaming

If only to saw the real me, you wouldn't think I was beautiful. If you watched me undress you wouldn't be staring at me, you'd be looking at the cuts along my thighs. You wouldn't admire me, you'd just see through me or stare at me with pity.

I am not a person
I am a shadow
Following in the footsteps
Of someone who
I don't even recognize

Sometimes I think I can see your name written in the stars
Spelling the sound of your voice
That lingers in my mind
Stars align just perfectly enough to tell me that your still here
When a gust of wind brushes the hair out of my face
I can feel that it's you trying to tuck loose strands of hair behind my ear
Everytime it rains the drops on my windowsill play the melody of your favorite songs
I said goodbye to you when they buried you deep under the earth
With the dirt and all the flowers
But you never said goodbye to me
Instead you said I'll be there soon

You have broken me
Every part
Of my lonely heart
Has been shattered
In millions of pieces
On the floor
I let you break down my walls
Crawl into my mind
And see all the dark parts
I was so scared to let anyone see
But you
You crept in to see the real me
Apparently you didn't like
Everything you were bound to see
And you left
With the door wide open
My walls broken down with bulldozers
Left me in the ruble of the crash
Unbearable and broken