Ayea, Ayea
I hear the call
The call of my ancestors
They walked the paths
They know the ways
Guides when no one of the flesh appears
Teachers of ways not written
Ways thought long forgotten

Ayea, Ayea
Grandmother Maddie
Whispers in my ear
Centuries gone
I know her face without a picture
I met her in the dreamtime
I met her in the trees
I met her in the rocks
I met her in the streams
I met her in the sky
I met her in myself.

Ayea, Ayea
I see my path
I placed it in front of me
before the womb
The knowledge is there
It's there for the remembering
If I open my senses to experience
If I open my heart to know
If I open my soul to sing
Music, the most ancient tongue

Ayea, Ayea
Breaking from the cocoon
I balance on the shell
Which fostered this birth
trembling and stretching
feeling the power
of my wings
I have nothing to fear
They are a part of me
I cannot fail

Ayea, Ayea
I cry out to the sky
I hear the laughter
of the cloud children
Calling for me to come
Come and play
Tickle the face of the Mother
Spread her moisture
Across the drought-ridden land

Ayea, Ayea
Hiding in my soul womb
I was afraid
Afraid to claim myself
To speak the truth of
Who I Am
What I am
Why I Am
A Shaman
A Healer
A Teacher

Ayea, Ayea
I see the titles
Without labels
This is my song
This is my dance
This is my Me
I was gifted with Sight
I was gifted with Voice
I was gifted with Thought
I am Blessed

Ayea, Ayea
I am all Women
I am your Lover
I am your Friend
I am your Mother
I am your Daughter
I am your Sister
I am You
I am Me
I am Her

Ayea, Ayea
I hear the Call
the Call of the Wild
No matter the walls around me
I am One with Nature
I am One with the Universe
I am One with Chaos
I am One with Order
I Am One
I Am

Ayea, Ayea, Ayea

I must let go of my expectations
whenever you put forward an idea
the idea of how happiness and bitterness
should work
you put forth expectations
on how the world works
it will surprise you every time
show the flip of the coin
if we do not live moment by moment
allowing each to have it's own
Importance
we label ourselves with
the falacy of past and future
we remember the past as only we can
Individually
we know the future by estimations
of consequence
in regard to present decisions
each day we are born anew
each day is a lifetime
a chance to Be change
to experience life according
to the gleam in our eye
label me by my past
and you label my ghost
my ghost doesn't care - it's only an imagined
imprint in the Now.

2. Happiness does not depend on
the opinions of others
there will always be those
for whom my joy
will cause the ugly head
of Cerebus to raise
and try to bite
their hair they pull
their teeth they gnash
in frustration of seeing
someone else
achieve that highest goal
of contentment within the self
it is human nature
within the viewfinder of history
to enjoy the suffering of others
even when we decry to the contrary
I must stand alone -
if I cannot be happy
in my quietest places
then that golden nugget
of bliss has not been truly found
the fire I light is for my
Own Illumination
I have no control
over the reactions of others
they may share in my epiphanies
or war against me - I never know which
but, I will always stand
within my own subjective reality
and know
My Own Truth.

caught with feet in two worlds
there is no such thing as doubt
on what death is all about
when the living and the dead
the gods and the rest
all share the same phoneline
and suddenly you find,
the red phone is for them to speak to you
all you get are words
crystal clear or enigma of the sphinx
it's all the same
something to use
to get the message out
so others may hear it
so others may see it
Whoever said being an empath is the good life
Wasn't one

Grinding my teeth
I pace and wear down the rug
How could they?
Why would they?
How dare they!
Seething
it's not true anger yet
just this budding of discontent
not wanting to get into it
not wanting to feed
this monster standing before me
even in this habitual
movement
trying to relieve the steam
I call out the loops in my head
pull them into straight lines
shake them until they shape up
and become coherent sentences
I know this game
they like to swim in my
cerebral goo
doing laps and patterns
emotions in fancy suits
doing choreographed dances
across my synapses
I have allowed this seed to be planted
I have fed it to this level of bloom
holding it in my hands
I see it begins with decay
not the other way around
I drop it and watch it disappear
in a **** of dust
reaching into my chest
I rip out the roots
******, pulsing
reaching to take a hold
once again
and start a second bloom
i fling it away in disgust
there is nothing glorious in that thing.
In order to get rid of the flower of rage
you must first
rid yourself of
the root of frustration.

Grounded
root thrumming
spiral down Kundalini into rich darkness
the end is here
as is the beginning
I find I am Free
At Last
having grasped at the edge of reality
and lost my fingerhold before
I know what it is
to fall into madness
Here
here in this soul music
I find I am hovering instead
my breathing steady and cool
my muscles warm and limber
the fatigue passes
I float
I am pulled and ******
allowing each note and beat
to guide my body
my mind is elsewhere
I am entranced
-
I detach
from time and space
my breath and touch show cold
yet I am on Fire
I see all the nonsense in front of me
and cut the ties
suspended within the music
I leave the edge of reality
my embedded fingerprints visible now
and continue to dance
I see all the ******* around me
and cut the ties
this is Not madness, it is true sanity
it is my arrival to Home
and I continue to Dance.
I see the confusion, pain and hurt within me
and cut the ties
insanity leads into pitch black nothingness
This leads me into infinite light
still, I dance.
-
pushing through the darkness
leaving the illusion of this world behind
I have come to the other side
there is no edge to fall from
there are no bindings of obligation
the chains have always been self-imposed
easily escapable
why did I not shed these long ago?
I am taken through lifetimes and back
I am ******
I am *****
I am Moon
I am Earth
I am the First Woman
and the Last
I Am One.
This all within my full mind, sober, unaltered
the answers are right in front of me
all I have to do is open my soul and see
for this I do my Cosmic Dance.

Lost in a sea of square boxes
these angles do not agree with nature
they do not match up to my mind's eye.
Tingles of energy wash over me
without ceasing,
drowning in energy and matter particles.
I hear what you say before you open your mouth.
I feel the walls of the masses,
crushing in their obstinacy
their willingness to not see the similarity
between the idea of reality and illusion.
For they are ideas only,
labeled and set on shelves
in neat little rows
by the scientists and philosophers of our day.
Their mantra is
"It is only our own reality,
through our individual perceptions,
which counts. React accordingly."
Do they not see that interaction is vital for a reason?
You must bounce against others in order to fully participate,
the intent is nothing if you keep it silent.
Wrapped up in false hopes and fears,
assumptions made out of gray matter fairytales
which are so ingrained,
it might as well be a genetic code.
In order to have the change we ache for,
there must be revolution.
Evolution.
I am more lost now,
with universal answers dripping from my tongue,
stardust honey
which feeds the soul
and yet leaves it aching for more.
We all want to run away from the pain,
not realizing until it's too late that in flight
we cause more suffering than we prevent.
I am older than the hills
I am a newborn babe in this universe.
I love,
I hurt,
I become enraptured
I lose my way.
in all of this I learn, change, transform, adapt.
My marriage bed is shared with Death.
Death of ways no longer needed,
to paradigms grown rusty and stale.
To lies told in good intention and the need to protect.
I have walls no more of my own volition,
nerves raw and jangled.
Brutal truths scrape my throat
grating the ears of loved ones.
How does one say
I see straight through you
?
How do you explain the x-ray vision
past all the masks
to the cowering centers of those around you?
When all you want is to scream and cry in frustration
the answers in front of their faces.
I no longer belong in this place,
chaos calls to me in balance with natural order.
I want circles and spirals
not 90 degree angles.
I want Truth
not brainwashing to lull the masses.
Slipping into madness
this reality is unreal
surreal
it no longer makes sense.
Now a round peg
with a square hole rushing to meet me.
Do I run?
Do I embrace?
I have found that I am truly alone,
trying to make my reality.
My roots are gone,
my emotions a whirlwind
I am the Universe
just waiting to see what happens next.

When you return to the world from this place,
I found, nothing makes sense.
I looked around and saw boxes
look outside your window and tell me which meets your eye more
- 90 degree angles or  360 circles?
It overwhelmed me with frustration and sadness
this seeming preference for an unnatural shape.
I remember,
I felt like I would prefer death than have to be
a part of this reality
one
second
longer.

My friend,
she was waiting for me, she knew, she understood
egg salad for me,
I drank entire jar of pickle juice.
Slowly I picked myself up
dusted myself off and got involved with life again.

Starting to fully transform into the woman I am now
and the woman I am still becoming.
Figure things out as it is time for you to.
You fall down, you get back up and try again,
realize no one knows you as well as you do and be glad of that.
For we make discoveries every day,
every day we change
and become a newer person.
You cannot change according to what others think or want,
this is your life.
No one way is right, no one way is wrong -
it's how it works for you and you alone.
Just try not to hurt anyone.

I cannot take personally every perception introduced into my world,
what is arrogance to some,
is hope and hard work to others,
what is instability to one,
is flowing and letting change happen as it will to another.
There are so many counterbalances in life,
why stick to one dogma?
refuse to stick with a permanent label and call it done.
That label may not fit in a few years -
hell, it may not fit tomorrow,
why worry about who you're going to be tomorrow?

I want to be be who I am right now.
I have not met the person I will be yet,
you have not met the person you will be yet,
so we cannot tell each other the full truth
about who we are on a constant basis.
How can we when we truly don't know ourselves?
as we change to become a more open, calm and understanding people
you learn more about who you are and who you are becoming
moment by moment.

To be held as "I am this way or that"
is not a box I am comfortable with.
Try to put a box on me
and you'll find that it is empty -
for I'll have moved past it quite quickly.
Do not feel unstable or crazy,
feel you are exactly who you need to be for right now.
No more, no less.
Be many things
and in understanding that the universe holds many paradoxes
within it
we become more comfortable with the much smaller paradoxes
within ourselves.
I seek balance in all things.
The only thing I want to be extreme about
- is being me.