things that i like: you
things that i don't like: you
strange, isn't it?

i've been a war of head vs. heart
since i was just a baby
i'd squeeze the kitten too tight
knowing that claws were coming,
but that moment of tenderness
was worth the wounds

now i'm no longer toddling,
but not much else has changed
i'm still holding onto things too tightly
knowing that at any moment
i'm due for injury

i marinade my fingers,
banana pepper juice, hot wing sauce, sriracha,
i beg you to come close enough so that
i can burn every inch of your lukewarm skin

i'm not looking for revenge
i just want you to know what it feels like
to be set on fire and live to talk about it
when the sun blazes tomorrow

i drank enough whiskey for ten men last friday
and followed familiar footfalls,
i held myself up on barstools and good friends
and watched the door, waiting,
confusing look alikes through blurred vision

when you finally sauntered in
i saw it in slow motion,
i felt absolutely nothing
except hammered and free

fast fingers send off
flashes of unfinished
fragments to friends
when i can't find
the light

feeling the weight
of each raindrop
that slides down
my window pane
glossed over
with grime,
corrosion and
dry rot have
me uneasy and
i'm sick of
a mouth that
drowns in
it's words

entrapped in my
fortress, i can't
leave these blankets,
but sleep won't
come easy and
once it arrives,
i will dream of
lost keys and
lone gloves, of
ceilings with
no floors, of
sneakers on
wires and children
with bare feet
desperately trying
to reach what
they cannot

i'll wake with a
gasp and wonder
where i've been
hiding and hear
the same sounds
that sent me
this way

of raindrops
on glass pains, of
deep breaths
and whispers, but
i'll never know
what they're
trying to say

i thought i knew what love was,
but i only knew what someone
being in love with me felt like,
the soaring of my heart lifted
up by hands other than my own

love unrequited was a different story,
feeling always like a hand is on
the back of your head, holding
you under water until just before  
you've lost your last living breath

throwing away love is just like
throwing away a living breathing thing,
i realized this too late, and it's
impossible to rececitate something
that's been gone for weeks

loving the idea of something that
is so incredibly and indescribably
wrong for you, but wanting it anyways
depsite the rivers and valleys
you must drag yourself through
to finally arrive at the foot of a mountain

i thought i understood what it meant
to be in love, but it turns out, i don't
understand much of anything

bump in the night

snow-filled nostrils
and wild hips
make friends real
******* quick

beers in my hands
and a genius on stage
i'm moving in patterns
and i'm sure he can
read them

bathroom visits with
moons in our eyes
i want to touch you
but i don't dare try

after hours bring
***** calling me beautiful
hearing what you
already know makes
***** come quicker

bump in the night

and we're on the
road once more
tiny little room
and all the heads
are talking

you swing and i sway
hands on my hips
i'm desperate, but
controlled, wish i
could touch your ****

kitchen tables thick
with lines, four thirty
comes quick, we say
our too long goodbyes

i ride away and i
won't soon forget
what snow is like
in december

freaky friday flybys
waiting without patience
for gravity to let go

you charge me one last time
because despite all of your theft
you still find your pockets full
of lint, flies, and crumbs

loosening limp hands with
sinister strength and subtle
hints of death and desire

marks on my neck are
all that's left and i will
treasure them until i'm
nothing but a blank canvas

i hate the smell
of freezing knuckles
wrapped in tobacco
and garlic

the weight of snow
filled porches and
conversations about
when i will get out
of this spiral

i will get out of this

you're nothing,
i'm everything,
you're nothing,
i'm everything

i will repeat this
as stars sing me to
sleep and sun wakes
me up, i will repeat
this, until i finally
believe