the day i let go of everything
i began to rise slowly,
a million red balloons
tied with thick satin ribbons
to the back of my favorite orange flannel

and the tinge of sadness i felt
as i floated over a city
where the glasses can't decide
if they're half full or empty
began to drop from the tip of my nose
down into my toes
and finally into the pipes of crack heads
and mouths of puerto rican mothers
yelling at their children
to come home for pastalillos

i watched as nothing changed

the falls still fell
hipsters still biked (pretentiously)
bums still begged for change (in more ways than one)
hood rats still skipped school
20 somethings still boozed

and i realized that as much as this city felt like my salvation,
it wasn't

gulls came along
and popped each balloon,
as i dropped closer and closer to the earth
i panicked

i clung to the remaining balloon
and begged the birds to carry me elsewhere
but i already knew that the only way out of this place
was the way that i came in,
alone

i find myself at work
wishing i was still under covers
reading poems about other girls
written by ex lovers

my sister she tells me
i've lost my spark
i tell her i wish i could find
my way out of the dark

something invade me
turn me around
flip this life over and
throw me on the ground

make me climb up
so i can see from above
forget these dull heart aches
and leave them in past loves

because sitting in your
own ****
******* man,
that's the pits

desperate men with beard ridden faces
and unique t-shirts with caps on their heads
watch girls move with precisely practiced motion
thrown off by a kilter from the drinks that they mourn

stares that long with a linger that forces
a sharp startling shiver up pale weak spines
keep girls on fences surrounded by sharks
one wrong move and all you'll see is blood

this game that we play with each other is daunting
but fun if you wear your poker face right
and i start to believe that i'm floating above it
when i'm the one who's been dealing hands all along

boredom grasps my windpipe
until my breaths are low and my vision is blurred

you blame it on the wings that i was born with
on the heels of my feet
constantly flitting, ready to take me off to my next destination

how do i explain to them that i must sit still
in a faux leather chair
and write e-mails, plan meetings, coordinate volunteers?

my heart it cries for want of something bigger,
or perhaps something so small that i will be lost there alone
with nothing but the wings on my feet to keep me company

a tiny isle just for us, where we can flit above the tree tops
down into deep river canyons
floating inches above our mirrored reflections

but then i'll catch my eyes and see the sorrow that still lingers
and the sad excuse i have for a mouth will droop
low and heavy, like i'm carrying pebbles behind my lips

so the conundrum begins all over again
must i never stay in one place?
must i always want for something more?

my wings are mum and my lips motionless

the spring that started in March
ended in April
and people stood shocked in their door jams
necks craning up to the heavens
watching the flakes we had missed all winter
float slowly into gravity's grasp

laments were lofty in the frigid air
and somber masks packed away with moth ***** reemerged

this was the mark of a Mother Nature takeover
but who the hell were we
to tell her
how to do her job?

do you ever wish that you could turn your skin inside out? just pull down a zipper that starts on your skull and ends on your heel. then once you've got things open and airy, flip it about. now you're shiny and new and the grime that just won't scrub off in the shower will be hidden from prying eyes.
i find myself naked after showering, sitting in a computer chair, wishing i could float in thin air. i don't want any kind of microfiber touching my body. i don't want clothes, i don't want floors, i don't want cars, i don't want a **** thing. i want to exist in nothing and i want to be happy that way. i want to be free of things that trap and hide what i am; human.
i'd like to live a life free of vices. dependent on nothing and no one. ***, drugs, alcohol, food, love, throw it all out the window. watch it float into oblivion and tell it to ******* for eternity. i'd like to open up the door to my chest and see what's in my heart and live for that. now that would be living.

constantly craving human interaction
with an appetite that's insatiable and a streak that is wild
i wander and stumble, blinded by mediocrity
alone in a room with humans for miles

someone shake me, rattle my bird cage
because i fear that it's empty, just like my heart
i know this is my doing and i know that i'm lonely,
but for some reason i keep ending back at the start