sometimes i witness tragedy
on the silver screen
and it punctures a hole
right in my heart
and it makes it's way in
smooth and silent
without my knowledge
and the next thing i know
my heart hangs low,
low and heavy and full
and i've got strange thoughts
in my mind

odd how strangers
can impact us more
than those who
surround us day by day
and when i think
of the man
who loved liza
i want to weep forever

it's funny how technology
has made it impossible for us
to bury things completely
our past is never hidden
when all you have to do
is google a name
and a lifetime pops up on the screen

tonight i spent hours
reading the messages
you sent me
that said that you'd love me
forever and that you would
always be a part of my
happiness, no matter what

if this were 1953 i'd be
reading letters
and my tears would smear
the heart felt hand writing
that bared your soul

instead the salty liquid
sits stagnant on the
spacebar and i'm
holding on tight
to my screen
trying to force myself
to simply shut the laptop
hoping that closing it
will wake me up from this
dream, oh nothing is
going to wake me up
from this
says the inner realist
and i'm still typing away
about you
adding to the never-ending
archives of our love
or what it once was

we watched an airplane
eat a man alive
and as his body caused
the cylinder to explode
i couldn't help but laugh
because that's what i do at times
when i'm not sure how else to react

and as you laid your head on my lap
i knew that you wanted to kiss me
but i couldn't look away
from the ****** scene in front of me

you took my face in your hands
and when your lips met mine
it felt as if old friends were
embracing after years on the road

and when we ****** in your bed
i couldn't help but laugh
and i was surprised by the fact
that you liked being bit
but i didn't mind delving into
your skin with my teeth

three hours later and i'm still
messed up and you're still
making me wet
and the sun's coming up
and i'm not ready to let go
but it's time we go to bed

and there is some beauty
in listening to mouths
speak a language
that you may not understand
but at the bottom of the screen
stream the words
that leave the lips

you begin to realize
all you've got to do is read
and that you haven't
forgotten how to
take it all in

and as boys fall in love
with girls in cafes
and ride around on mopeds
and ******* their bodies
to men who needn't the money,
but the ***
because they haven't touched
their wives since
they gave birth
to their second child

you begin to realize
how beautiful
french truly is
and that you haven't forgotten
what montmartre's graves
look like in the evening's fleeting light

and as a girl falls in love
with two men at once
and they discover
how sordid lovers can be
while painting their
stories for all artistic
eyes to drink in slowly
and they lay on their
brand new queen,
because there just isn't
room for three
on a twin

you begin to
remember that spanish
is full of passion
and that you haven't forgotten
everything you learned in tenth grade

words may be formed
with different movement
of our tongues
and you may not have the
slightest idea what i'm saying
as i scrawl down these lines,
but i'm certain
that we've all found beauty
in listening to someone
pour their heart out
on the page

i stand in front of you
smaller than how
you remembered me
yes, i've been shrinking away
and my parents
throw worried glances
at the collarbone
that now juts out on my chest
like a sneering grin,
lifting on the edges
my father asks,
"will you waste away to nothing?"
and all i can do is shrug

i stand in front of you
and i wish that you would
open up your chest -
grab the sharpest thing
you can find and cut yourself
wide open-
just so that i can crawl
back inside
where i once lived
within your core

i want to feel the
damp warmth
that puts a strange
feeling in my nose,
for i can't decide
if i'd like to throw up
or **** the air in
deep into my lungs
again and again,
surround me, once again

i don't care that it
may **** you to open
yourself up to me
or that once i'm inside
i may find myself clawing
at the walls until
i've rubbed off
the skin on the end of
my fingertips so
that no one will
ever know what
has become of me

my selfishness
blinds all sense of reason
and innate want takes
over now, for
the one thing
i would like the most
is to be as close
to you as i can get,
without ever having
to look into your eyes

is it wrong
that those
in love
make me
want to *****
lying on my back?
so that the
900 calorie
barbecue cheeseburger
that i ate for dinner
kills me in a manner
other than
clogging my
already corroded arteries

once you're alone
it seems as if
everyone is together
and it makes you
wonder, who
was writing
sick, twisted
poetry
about you and
your lover,
holding hands
and staring into
each others eyes,
as if irises
hold all of the
answers and
promises
to a beautiful
life

i'm the girl
who lives
for the moment
when inspiration
strikes
who writes
more than
she speaks
because it
just feels
right

i'm the girl
who's loyalty
is all she
can see
with very
few humans
who truly
get me
(yes, i know
i sound trite
and ******
as can be)

i'm the girl
who speaks
volumes without
saying a word
the girl who's
thoughts are
often seen, but
not often
heard

i'm the girl
who falls down
and picks
herself up
without anyone's
hand to
give me a shove

i recognize
truth and
i believe in honor
i know myself
well and i
am always a
scholar

my brain likes
to eat
new knowledge
with fervor
when put
on the spot
i always
deliver

i'm the girl
who's guilt
often consumes her
who feels
more deeply
than most
could want
for

i'm the girl
who sees past
surface and lights
i can see who
you are even
on the
darkest of
nights

i live with passion
and stand by
what i do
you may not
know me, but
i probably know
you

i'm the girl
who is constantly
evolving
who's brain
is used for
magic and
solving

the girl
who won't sleep
because the
minutes are
never enough
who refuses
to let the
game
make her
too rough

i am who
i am and
i'll be who
i'll be
and chances
are you've had
some effect
on me

for humans
i let in
through my gates
most
definitely have
helped me
to decide
my fate