you walk in
i'm standing there
spritzing lingerie
to make it reek
like high class prostitutes
do after a night
when the cash flow
is non-stop

"Hi how are you today?"
"Grumble, grrrrr, grumble."
"Can I help you find anything?"
"Well, grrrr, I want the bra, arrrggghhh, I've got on. LOOK AT IT!"

i slowly approach,
postponing the inevitable
for as long as possible
as you lift your ancient
once black, now grey, turtleneck
and release an avalanche
of layer after layer of blubber
that jiggles ever so slightly
as it is disturbed by the movement

it is covered in a thick forest
of black hairs and
i swear i see a herd of lice
scurry off as i cautiously
lift my hands to inspect
the tag laying in the depths
of the jungle that lays thick on your back

the moment i make contact
with your skin
it takes all of my willpower
not to pull away in disgust
as my fingers go
for a ride on the slip n' slide that
is your back
it feels as if you have been
bathing in Crisco since
you were just a child

as i finally grasp the
worn and stretched material
and turn it over
i'm not surprised
to find that your bra
feels as if it just went for a swim
in Onondaga Lake
mmm, sweet, sweet radioactive sweat

i fumble around looking for
any indication of a tag
as you begin to tap your
foot with no rhythm at all
and suddenly you exclaim,
"OH, I cut the tag out of this ages ago!"
and storm away back into the mall
throwing bows and ***** looks
as you go

i'm left staring
as my sweat saturated hands
thinking,
"**** Victoria and her secrets."

everything is temporary
everything is temporary
everything is temporary
until it's permanent

the muscles in my right arm
break and rebuild
as i sloppily throw the mop
into the grey water
accented with glitter and swirling with paint
tiny finger and shoe prints
litter the linoleum
and i can't help but smile

fourteen hours later
i sleepily climb into my car
and i watch the sky as i drive, not the road
and the sun begins to lift it's eyelids
and it looks as if the sky is bleeding out
slowly, but surely

and as i drive on autopilot
i think to myself,

i can do this
i can do this
i can do this
until i can't

necessary means to an end

i found you one day
when i was only 15.
funny thing is,
you were only 15 too.

you were cut kinda funny,
so off they shipped you.
your color wasn't quite right either.

i tried you on for size
and you were perfect.

robin's egg blue.

since then we've done a lot,
and seen a lot too.

we've been coast to coast
and overseas.

spent summers at the ballpark.
handing out dip'n dots
and watching pop flies.

moshed, danced, drank, smoked, ran, biked, swam
together in fredonia.

climbed over mountains, deserts and everything in between.

one night we were in a three legged race
and that's when you got your first hole.
the lace pulled right through you.

since then you've gotten a few more
and your souls have worn thin.

i think of them as battle scars,
memories.

you tell my story better than i ever could.

all day
i've been thinking of tonight
that bitter taste in my mouth
lick and dip, baby,
that's all it takes

do you feel it?
i don't know
do you feel it?
i can't tell
how are my pupils?
huge!
how are my pupils?
sharked out!

ooohhhhh, we're feelin it

then the bass comes in
and crawls through the floorboards
slow and steady it makes it's way
through the tips of our toes
and sits heavy in our hearts

with each beat we fall
deeper and deeper
into the moment
and we feel the music wrap
itself around us
and we let go

each movement
is unplanned, but it's precise
because we've got something
in us
that makes us move in marvelous ways

when i get ****** up
it starts in my teeth
i can always tell
by the way my chompers feel

candy flipping,
rolling,
tripping ***** ,
smoking blunts

my teeth get this feeling
like they're not quite right
it's hard to explain
just how they feel
but i know that something
is quite unreal

they feel sort of fuzzy,
strange to the touch
i rub my tongue on them
and i can't feel much

then the rest of me starts
to fall into place
wave after wave
crashes over me
i begin to feel it physically
the next thing i know
my mind is wandering far
to lands that i haven't seen in awhile

i know that many
will look at me harshly
for this confession
but i'll be honest,
i love to be ****** up

why do i bother?
knowing that lifting you up
only makes me sink further
into the dirt

soon enough i'll be six feet under
scratching at the soles of your feet
but you'll smile and laugh and say,
"oh how that tickles!"

that's just like you
to forget who you climbed over
to get to the top
the only thing that matters
is where you are now
and i'm ashamed
that i've let this go on

will i always wear my wishbone
where my backbone belongs?

now i sit here among the bugs and rocks
watching myself decay
from my feet up
and as my bones begin to protrude through my skin
jutting out at odd angles
and ever so slowly breaking down
to become one with the earth
i realize, too late
that you weren't worth it

reality sinks in
like thousands of pins
piercing my skin

this is home
in the sense
that i've lived endless days here,
but i've never felt
more lost in my life

down the rabbit hole
   i go
only this time i'm
falling
         alone

things were much
simpler
when your hand
was always in mine

when i land
with a thud
at the bottom
of this long
tunnel
things are too dark
and my eyes
have trouble
adjusting

this time there's
no one to lead me

i crawl on all fours
through the dirt and grime
mud caked onto my fingers and toes
creepy crawlies
scuttle across my appendages
but i don't mind,
i welcome the company