to say that
i miss you
might be the
most
contrived
thing to leave
my lips yet.

you lived
under
my skin,
our insides
intertwined.
we had torn
ourselves
into bits and pieces
and rebuilt
the two of us
as one.

i still find
myself
unsure
about what
belongs to me
and what
belongs to you.

now we've
sewn
each other's
lips shut
and i keep
trying to pull
mine apart,
but you used
wires
made from steel,
and my fingers
are starting
to bleed.

oh, won't you build me
a pair of cabinets?
build them sturdy,
made of cherrywood
use your hands,
your strong, beautiful hands
that know all
and can see

you'll keep one
and i'll have the other
and when we are lonely
in we will climb
through the coats
full of dust
and over caps
with moth bitten holes

out we will stumble
and land with a thud
at the feet of one another
we'll stand up
brush ourselves off
and go on with our days
but no longer will we be alone
in the company of you and i

i look at pictures
and i can feel my heart
hurting
i wish there was a way
to jump right in
them
i wish a lot of things,
wishing doesn't get me
far

i know where you are
is where you should
be
but i can't help
wishing i was there
too
there i go again
wishing and getting
nowhere

i want you to
feel the
thumping
that my heart does
whenever i think of
you
but i can only wish
for your hand to be in
mine

circular has always
been the way we
run
over the same ground
with each step we
take
wish it could be different
but it's always the
same

so here i sit
always pining
away
my days are spent
wishing for the same
things
i'm fully aware that wishing
is just making
excuses

i cried then as i thought of the homes in my heart that i had left behind

with the band playing in the background that i had once seen in the middle of the park
with the friends that i had made in that too tiny building
the boy who tapped, the other that never showered
the wine that we drank in the same park a year ago out of coffee mugs
the bikes we rode from one end of town to the other
the stoop we sat on night after night
the roof we climbed onto and sparked bowls upon
the whales i swam with every night

it all flooded back to me and all i could do was want for it
i knew i could never have it again and i thought to myself that perhaps this is what heart break feels like

i wondered what my family was doing, and no, i didn't mean the family with the same blood running through their veins
we had created a family with a force field like no other
all of us gifted in some way
pushing at the boundaries always, working as one with a strange sort of balance,
almost like a cable bridge

i sighed then and realized my endless yearning would do me no good
we had scattered now, as if a child had plucked us from a field and blown the seeds every which way
no matter how hard we tried to cling onto each other the wind had its plans