I went to bed screaming "I hate you"
and called you when I woke up.
your voice at 7 am is so lovely,
it makes me wish you loved me.
but I know that I'm a ghost.

maps on your fingertips take me to places I want to forget,
and everything you said is more fitting for her
I guess.
but did you mean it?

I'd be your Margaret if you let me.
the sound of your voice has me wanting
you so much closer,
but you hold her
in a way you'd never hold me.
but I'm hoping.

sweaty hands and forced laughter
isn't exactly what I'm after,
but if you're in, I'm in.
despite my thin skin
I am willing to be open.
would you listen?

I put this dress on because I knew you'd be here,
I spent two hours  in the mirror
but it takes you
less than two seconds
to look past me.

my room is a crime scene,
reminders of the worst of me.
I've been trying to develop a dependency
on something that doesn't breathe.
something that won't leave
but still takes me.

we have matching holes through our skin,
a tangible sign that I'd let you in.
your blood's on my floor
and I'm at the door,
and you're still waiting for something more.

I've apologized a thousand times
without a real reason why.

the last time was the first time
that it didn't hurt to say goodbye.
but it doesn't feel right,
I'm waiting for affliction,
assurance that this isn't fiction.

you thought I'd forget what forever meant.

I wish that I'd said nothing,
I'm watching myself talk to you
from across the room.
And I'm acting out scenes,
nothing I say is the truth
so what we had is through.
"So just erase me."
"So just erase me."