****...

It's funny how consecutive letters can bring about inspiration

(I've learned to balance my concentration during this poetic intrapersonal conversation)

its been a minute since I've had my feelings in it

(this **** is never-ending so there is no end to begin it)

I got time in my pocket and there is no better place to spend it

than here on this mic...

don't ask me how I am doing

because I am not fine

so I continue to work through my pain as I cry through my rhymes

and I hate it and love it at the same time

****** me off, yet excites me so

its chocolate covered honey baked ham

served with raw egg yolks

a perfect-disconcerted measure of pleasure and pain

but I can't have the sweet without the salt

cuz it wouldn't taste the same

and the bitter-after taste of its reminder would not be there to sustain

the hard earned lessons that are now burned into the brain

casting these sad images of this life like a video on repeat

and I can't run from my reality no matter how fast I move my feet in retreat

So I use my spoken words to inhale its life into my lungs

I open my heart and tune my ear to the song that is being sung

inside me (God-- can you hear it?!)

This birthing of my desire so rare; so hot that its cooling to the touch

I love how I am powerless to it-- my appetite insatiable and can never get enough

This thing is a love affair....

I don't think I ever loved something so hard that was so physically intangible

but living without Word is most assuredly unmanageable

wanting to abandon it all to be with it is a thought purely fanciful

but its better than living here in this world without feeling -- with out its Love

Word to me you're so healing-- gives me that feeling that keeps me reeling like no one on earth ever has
Lost in my pages left to secure and blanket me

I am comforted by your presence

but the correct combination of itself can be found

unlike the lips of the utterer...

I closed my eyes...

And then his warm hands were felt around my face
He kissed me passionately...

And that made me want to be kept by him.

In this non-existing place-
Where there is no time
I wanted to keep that feelin'
But I never knew we were dreamin...

How did he know where I was?
How'd he know where I lived in my slumber?
I don't know, but I hope he comes… every time…
…Every time I close my eyes

His lips are soft.

His kisses are as light as the flittering butterflies in my belly
My flowers are budding; my lips are swelling
My core contracts
As the rest of my body reacts
At the thought of him filling my void from the back…
Givin’ that *** a smack...

But he still makes passionate love to my body
While he fondles and ***** my mind
He's readin between my lines
His ***** is ink for my pen
I got the juice but he's the gin
His wrath and gentleness is a Holy awakenin'
May my every cell say 'Amen'
Like a kid on the carousel:
Daddy, do it again... (please)…

He makes my water fall
From my ******* ceiling
Down my sugar walls
He takes a taste
He say there's none to waste...
Then he returns to place his beautiful kisses upon my face
Moves knees outta the way
So he can put our puzzle pieces in place

My cheeks twitch and vibrate at the quake of the way we Love Make
Till I clench and he wince till his legs shake...
I love him till he’s weak...
Till he whispers to me: “Open your eyes…”

His presence has caused my wetness
To travel to the inside of these thighs
Now I want to deny
That I am drowning...
In myself....

For I have awakened
Only to find that I’d been dreamin'....

(Friday, December 4, 2009)

The fourth of December
(can't run from what I remember)
My dad called home—
No, my heavenly Father called my dad on the telephone
Ring ring—ring ring--
and he answered, he picked up that phone
He knew who was calling, and he went right on home
Left us alone, on earth in this hell
But the memory of the only father I knew
Causes tears in my eyes to well
Yea, I know that where he is is even better
Than the storms we who are left here are left here to weather
However, I remain with my face towards my angels in the sky
Because I am hardened, and I am lonely, but I have no more tears to cry.

when will I breathe
again?
when will I inhale your scent
lie in your arms
make love to your words
with each action verb
be submerged in your verse
for better or worse
from day till night
and A to Z
when
will
I
breathe...
again?

Help that woman, Lord
You know I tried to
I offered her what I had
My love, sentiment, concern and empathy
But apparently-
I am still all kinds of *******...
She brought a friend, unannounced
Which was cool wit me
I just want everybody to have a happy and care free time
But no one can explain the insane's mind
And you brought more food
I didn't want you to, but that's how you do
She wouldn't even consider that to be rude
So we dine and sip and you make nice
But you're really in a frenzy-
A frenzied state of mind
I dare say it was too much wine
But your aggressive nature is impossible to dissuade once you're there anyway
So
I just let you be...You
I did what I did from my heart most kindly
I just keep trying to lock this family together
A strong tightly braided weave of a family tree
It seems like the only one who cares is me
But others too, just like she
Think it must be fun to be who I be
But really, its a lot of ******* too
Really it is
But nobody can see it
They see only what they need from me
Not what I have been trying to do and be all along
But hey- that's family reciprocity at its finest...

I don't know why I'm feelin' the way I'm feelin'
Could be 'cuz of all the bullish with what I'm dealin'
I need healin'
And the promise of a new beginin'...

I'm in need of much
Yet still, I have much to give
Even without the promise to 'life give'
...Maybe I can't even have kids...

I hurt and I love
I give and I receive
I devote what I have
But there are things that I need....

I'm sure and uncertain
Confident yet nervous
I seek my passion
But don't know my purpose...

I feel worthless
But worthy all at the same time
Wonderin' what the **** is going on
Can't explain the crazy ramblings in my mind...

I want to tell the world
But I can't tell a soul
So I dream these crazy things
And to the world I grow cold...

its all *******, really...

They put us in glass boxes
And empty rooms with glass ceilings
We conform to make our ends, and we learn to muffle our feelings
Their inventions age into Standards, and they sell us their finest wine for a fee
No prison for this Queen
'Cause I like my ******* free...

They applaud our independance at first
Then tell us we are now too proud
Our voices once unheard are now suddenly too loud
Make sure you please the people
No heels too high, and no skirt above the knee
I wear no bra to imprison my womanhood
'Cause I like my ******* free...

Jiggle jiggle with hard *******, let them bounce naturally
I am every bit of my roots- I'm ***** happily
I'm not ashamed of their smallness
Despite their size, they  stand as firm and tall as mountain peaks
They're embarassed or jealous of my freedom
'Cause I like my ******* free...
  
Big or small, short or tall, even if one is size 'A' and the other 'B'
They are our imperfect perfections
They belong to you, they belong to me

Our country has learned to dictate through mandate
While they ******* themselves to higher power
I'm not ashamed of my nakedness and I look in the mirror after my shower

So if you think I need a bra
Then I will tell you you need to be imprisoned
My mind is mine, as is my body and they will never take my vision

They try to smother what they don't understand
I'm just evolving into the best Me
I know who and what I am...

...And I just happen to like my ******* to be free.

This poem is written from a Male’s perspective…trying something new.*

I wanted to Love her, but I offered my friendship instead
Couldn’t get her intelligence out my mind
**** stiff to the head at every smile and word she said
Never the aggressor, because I like my woman to take charge
But she belongs to another, therefore I remain on guard
Until she told me that she was not Loved the way she should
I wanted to offer everything I am and own
Everything that no other man could or would…
But I had to hold it in, I kept my feelings at bay
All because these are things to Her, I just could not say…
I get mad at her often, though she has no clue
I stand around and support where I can
But in the end I feel used
Because inside I am confused
We just friends, but I Love her more each growing day
But I can’t find the right words-- these are things I just cannot say…
I love to see her come and I love to watch her leave
I want to make love to her, watch her belly swell with my seed
Want to love her professionally, for I am skilled in the art of passion
But I never had a chance because I can’t bring myself to askin’
That question; no, really-- making that statement
So I keep that furnace burning low with that door closed to my basement
I’m hatin’—
Yet lovin’ how she makin’ me feel
She don’t have a clue of how she turns my mind into mush and my manhood into steel
That’s real, but I hate that her reciprocation is not
So I let my feelings build up until my temper is hot
She know she should choose me; she knows I am the better breed
And I finally figured out a way to show her that I’m what she needs
I’m not skilled with words, but I’ve found a way to relay
That she will be with me eternally, but there are no words to say…
I picked her up for a movie, because that’s what friends do
Little did she know, she was in for an epiphany or two
I took her to that movie that her man wouldn’t take her to see
I bought her popcorn and candy, all the frills on me
While she watched the movie, I watched the lights and shadows dance across her face
She does not know yet, but she will soon find I can never be replaced
I smell her fragrance wafting from her hair into the air
She just don’t know how she makes me despair, puts my heart in ill repair
She thought I was driving her home, but I told her I took the scenic route
But like I said before, she’s an intelligent one, so she soon figured it out
As we continued to venture away from the city and into the dark of the night
The usually friendly banter turned into a serious and severe verbal fight
My temper is hot, and I know she knows she want me
I took her away from the public, so she could clearly see
That I am the only one for her, and that she is my wife to be
I opened up my mouth and allowed all of my feelings to topple out
She stared at me with wide eyes, could not close her gaping mouth
I began to shout—her look of ambush was not what I wanted to see
My foot pushed harder on the accelerator, her rejection was eased as I increased speed
I decided that she was mine! I finally told her so!
She said that we could talk about it, as long as I promised to drive slow
Smart Beautiful Woman, how she uses her whims to dissuade
But I have decided that we will be together forever after this day
I finally have the gumption to look into her eyes and tell her No
That the edge of life (if she was lucky) is as far as I would go
She asked me why I was doing it as I sped into night
She measured my expression of madness, and told me she wanted no fight
I smiled…I loved every expression her face had ever formed
Even if it was scared shitless and drawn wearily forlorn
At least I knew that look was for me; it was mine in its own way
And ******* if you think I am crazy; no one can ever take that away
Because after I crashed the car, she was breathing, as was I
But the fact that she was incapacitated had a euphoric way of making me high
And the little energy I had left, I squeezed from her neck her very life
May seem wrong to you, but to me, it was quite alright
So as I sit in padded walls which matches my jacket and the light of the day
I smile when I see her, because now no one can take her away
She sits on my right side daily, but I dare say she is all mine
No one can see her but me, and **** she still is fine
All I wanted was her love, not to be pushed away
And I did it all to have her forever, because of the words I just could not say…

I tell you now I mean not to offend, but I have this on my heart
Good friends are hard to find, and I have about two-- so that’s a start
I am built with this capacity to love, and need an unconditional friend for Always
I need someone to talk to, I need someone to share and not judge how I spend my days
It’s crazy how you can have a few that say they are true to your cause
But turn around and leave you lonely to speak only to the four walls
I need an ear to be lent without the bitter upchuck of an aftertaste
Someone who won’t use what was spoken during weak moments to later throw up in my face
Someone who can be honest with me, making me better and not kick me when I am down
And when it comes to the wire, they will defend me and stand with me on solid ground
Someone to offer a hug, and a few words of encouragement when I need to just make it through
Someone that I can call on at any time, that will make time for me because our friendship is important to them too
A person whose words can hit home with truth, but are seasoned with salt
Someone who can admit when they too are wrong, instead of making it everyone else’s' fault
A friend who can lend support in my career, but also admonishes me to chase my dreams
Someone who wants to know what makes me smile, understanding my complexities and my amusement at silly things
A person's whose opinion is just as much the same as mine as it is different because we can agree to disagree
Someone that understands and actually takes an interest in the part of me that's Queen Poetess B
Someone who won’t use me only in their time of need, and forget me when times are great
A friend that can share in my successes and accomplishments, and not secretly stand on the side tryna Hate
I try to be the friend to others that I always wish I had, but cannot find
And I become more restless as time continues to pass me by
I am a good soul whose journey feels unreasonably solo despite my attempts to be enough
And the odds of being knocked down are higher than the expectation to keep getting up
Best Friend, I wish I knew you; I have some tears to shed in your presence
I want to know your character; I want to cherish your essence
I want to support you and help further your ambitions
I want to lend an ear and anything I can to help you to achieve your visions
I want to extend a hand for you to hold when words cannot explain how you feel
I want you to tell me what you are afraid of, even if it’s not real
I want to provide a calming word to ease your frustration
I want to be the one you call when your success calls for a celebration
I want to be the friend you are looking for in the darkness, holding the source of light
Most of all, though, I need you to fill this gaping loneliness in my life.

running, while hoping
dragging, and waiting
merely existing, then sitting

I am undone.

Optimistic sunlight
Pessimistic night silence
I question my purpose
because...
I am a scattered thought
Only really living in scattered and sporadic moments

thriving through a fifteen minute window
a window in the afternoon
when the rays hit me right
For I am not scattered then--
in those moments...

I just Am.

do you want a piece of me
are you ready for its delight
can you stand its frost bitten mornings
and stay for heat filled, pleasurable nights?

do you want a piece of me
will you take me with open arms
or will you turn your back to me
and allow my heart to come to harm?

This is past due like the rent paid on the thirteenth
Late better than never-- and I got this here forever
Flow like rain during any kinda weather
Keep this here close to my heart
And when the block comes, I don’t know where to start
Beat-beat Thump-thump
I'll just let the words flow from my heart
But you ain’t feelin me’-- You ain’t hearin’ Queen
So I got to bring you back to the forefront with my so⋅lil⋅o⋅quy
I remind you of all the things that had you fearin’ me
This Army of One, brighter than that star He created we call Sun
Under its blaze, us two can become one
(lets make our Son under His)
While I lay with fragmented words.... spoken
Promises I made to myself remain unbroken
And my gift is as natural as the slender ducts of my abdomen called fallopian
I am Woman
The prototype made perfect and pure
Whose prose is as tight as my kegels allow my femininity to be
Wrath your ******* may not be able to endure
Thought you knew a good Woman and tight ***** make you surrender on your knees
And dream dreams about your seed taking root in this royal vessel
I am Mother Earth
And this is my Gift—my Gyft
I am Myself and such a present I present to thee
For I AM Queen Poetree
So when I seem silent
When you think you hear nothing but your heart beat
Nothing but the cool air enraptured in the breeze
I am the Life that flows from you
I am the Wind rustling the trees leaves
I am the fragrance left in the air you interpret as another
I am the overwhelming sensation made between two lovers under duvet covers
I am the softness of lips and the sensation made by the flick of a passionate tongue
I am that empty space you try to fill with another one
So when you think you hear nothing
When you think you’re all alone
I am every word, every adlib of your favorite song
Every stroke every morning when you brush your hair
I am your deep breath because, baby, I am your air
I am everything pleasurable—every pleasure experienced since your creation
And it all stems from the balance of my concentration during this poetic intrapersonal conversation
I am everything virtuous
I am the eye of the storm
I am your hope, your future
I am the pages of your favorite novel whose cover is worn
I am air, I am sky
I am the clouds, and the Sun’s heat
But most importantly, to my core
I am Queen Poetess B…

Just a whats rumblin' through my mind
I now have the space and the time to reclaim whats mine
I don't worry about those who don't know me
If you are an iron to sharpen the mind--then show me
Otherwise you just missing out on what is divine about my being
Its my life that I am livin', and oh the things I am seeing
Got me happy that I can share the way I live
and when I got it, you know to a friend I will give...
Give me a token from your mind, and call yourself a true comrade
But your affection is as explosive as the bombs were over Baghdad
Your ill reprieve is your number one ingredient
So I wrote that *** off-- to the Queen you fail to be obedient
Therefore there is no use for the waste that is You in my presence
Unless you can cherish my essence-- mind, body and soul so effervescent
I hope my words ***** your spirit, because you know your *** is fake
But its all good-- sit that *** on the curb-- stop trying to perpetrate...
I regulate the things that come and go out of my life
They don't know who I be--I don't lose no sleep at night
I got my life on the path I chose, and love those that have been able to stand by
So now I will share with them a piece of my Life pie
Goodbye to all that ******* of the past, I am blessed with no stress
And my legion of Angels protect me while keeping me at my best
No contest
Can't see me even if you had the light of His Holy Spirit
Dem cyant get close to the Queen I am, and so they fear it
But they hear it
Beating in the pulse, inhaling my energy is in the air
You could never replicate who I Am-- not even if you cloned my DNA from my hair
Effervescently vivacious
Yeah-- I am all the way live
And when I see you on the street-- best believe I'll walk on by
I bump up the volume as I dance to my life track
Peace to all you haters, losers and fakers
Because this Queen ain't lookin' back...

It’s natural and yet I am told I think too much about it
Is it my weakness that my thoughts are drawn so to the ******?
Is it a sin that when I reflect on the fire ignited between our skins
my hips’ response is immediately so hypnotic
I tried to wash this burn from my body like a constipate would take a colonic
But I have resigned there’s not much that I can do about it
**** logic
I’ve already studied the ****** in your hips-- finding its reciprocal is my latest project
And will never forget to kick you down some Real Knowledge
Forever your Queen therefore my virtue remains solid
There is not another who dare lay finger pon it
Resigned to keep the reflection of my dejection so flawless
The dances done alone with two digits are so harmless
This used to subdue the need there always, regardless
But no one listens to a Woman, just trying to be Honest