I remember when life wasn't just a painting.
When love was alive and dreams had dimension.

Now this still-life landscape is an eternal winter.
The snow doesn't sparkle and memories are forgotten.

Maybe one day the brushstrokes will cease,
maybe the artist will break free
from his imprisoned canvas.

'Til that day I'm stuck in his apathetic craft. . .

Bare stage. A square neon sign on extreme right which reads: “This way to Heaven”.
Prolonged silence. Enter Snail, moving very slowly throughout the play.


Snail:
I’m a dead snail.
I’m going to Heaven.

I’ve lived for 15 years.
That’s a ripe old age.
I’ve been blessed.
Had a marvellous *** life, you know.
Well, if you know snails
we attract a mate with our slime.
Oh, slime turns me on, baby.

(Snail moves slowly, and then stops.)


Well, maybe I should focus on holy thoughts.
Purity...refined thoughts...you know...
Snail God does not like ***.
Copulation is not exactly what
Snail God meant when Snail God declared:
"Go forth and slime the world;
be ye together..."
Snail God demands purity
so let me be so...
after all, I’m going to Heaven...
a dead snail and moving on to Heaven...

(Snail moves slowly, and then stops.)

Had a precarious life,
you know,
all these 15 years...
A farmer saw me in the grass.
I heard him curse
and he raised his foot to crush me.
Well, unfortunately for him
he stepped on a snake
and the last I heard of the man
was an expletive
and the last I heard of the snake was a hiss.
Yes, I’ve had a long life
a risky life - but it’s all worth it
for an eternal life in Heaven
is my reward

(Snail moves slowly, and then stops.)



(Enter Frog, jumping. Snail looks at Frog in amazement. And Frog stops and looks at Snail in amazement.)

Frog: What are you doing?

Snail: That’s what I was about to ask of you.

Frog: I’m a dead Frog and I’m jumping on my way to Heaven.

Snail: I’m a dead Snail and I’m moving on to Heaven.

Frog: This is ridiculous.

Snail: Indeed. It is ridiculous.
           A Frog going to Heaven?
           No, for it is truly declared by Snail God:
            "None but Snails shall enter Heaven."

Frog: And in the words of the Frog God:
           *"I shall confound all other creatures.
              Only Frogs shall enter Heaven."
             And so it has come to pass
            Snails think they can go to Heaven.
           Unless the Frog God
           in Its Infinite Wisdom
          has arranged for a Dish of Snails
         when all Pure Frogs are at Its side in Paradise.
         Well, Snail...you’re toast when I see you in Heaven.

(Frog jumps on to near stage right, screaming: “Heaven - here I come!” and then disappears.)

(Long silence.)

Snail (facing audience): Well, what next? - The snake to Heaven?
                                          The Farmer to Heaven? His dog to Paradise?
                                           Donkeys to Heaven?


*(Snail moves on , in its slow way, to nothing but Heaven...)

This is one of those cheesy things
One of those things about love that people can’t stand
It starts with “I miss you” and ends with “I love you”
In the middle comes “I always knew you were the one”
Later on comes “We’ll be together forever”
And it ends with “I love you”
But, now we are at the start
I miss you
I miss you terribly so
There are times I cannot bear it
There are times I think it’d be easier if I were to end it
Then I think of the next
I always knew you were the one
From day one, it was only you
Through the ups and the downs, lord knows we’ve had them
It has always been you, faithful and true
We’ve been going strong and showing no signs of slowing
We’ll be together forever
That’s it, that’s the next part
Pieces start to come together
Our life begins to form
That’s when the ending ties it all in
I love you, my darling
I always have and I always will
From start to finish and life to death
Forever, my darling
I love you

Who's that?
It's me
But I'm me too
and so are you;
also my neighbor
thinks she's me
and voices on the phone too go:
...me...me...me...me...
but really,
why does everybody think
they're me?

You give me enough
To hold me on a string
To keep me hanging on
Hoping for just one thing

You give me enough
To trick me to stay
To warm my heart
But not everyday

I believe in Love
and other imaginary things
like hands that can't hold
and birds that can't sing

I believe in Hope
and other things of pretend
like stars that can't fly
and rules that can't bend

I believe in Promises
and other empty things
like the day that can't break
And the bee that can't sting

I believe in love
And other imaginary things
Like hope and promises
And rise of my wings.