you make me wonder
If I really am
As foolish as they say
If I am wasting
     All my love
On someone who can't
even see me
in the light of day.

Who are you
to play with me this way?
Who am I
to let you?

I'm tired
of everyday being an attack
I'm tired
of you
not being able to understand
I want to grow close
but you're pushing me away
And you justify
all those horrible things you say
by the ones I did
But baby
we're not going anywhere
If the past is always
next to you
We can't move forward
If we're constantly moving back.

everywhere
from all around I see
spiderwebs
entangling me
corners that I've neglected
to dust
come back
hauntingly
how do I break free?
take the sand
from my throat
and let these words bleed,
let my star shine
and my colors come out
LET ME SHOUT
let me tell all my tales
break past these walls
and I shall avail
LET ME FREE
to speak as I speak
to know how I think
and be proud
that I can speak-
though not aloud,
and be fine
that no one hears me.

I'm a dog
choking at the end
of my leash
A bird
trying to squeeze
through the bars in my cage
and be free
I can't argue
Can't speak
Can't write
For the life of me

I long for you
but I feel like I shouldn't.
He's been the kindness
That you couldn't
But you touched my soul
In a way
He never has.

You are the air
that I am breathing
Yet you choke me
And I feel as though
I'm suffocating
Trapped in an endless maze
Of need

How sad
That he is not the one
To whom I profess my love
Everynight while I am sleeping
That he is not the one
Who makes my heart stop beating
Just by the simple thought

Now I am stuck
In a prison I have built
With solid bars of fear
And a frozen floor of guilt
I am my own jailor
For I still hold the key
But I do not have the courage
or the surety
To make myself free

And so I sit

My choices have drained me
of my words
my freedom
my self.